I haven't cried yet. Oh okay. I cried a little last night. You should be proud of me. I also felt guilty. I should have fulfilled my promise of coming home to visit you and lola. I shouldn't have the second thoughts. I shouldn't have applied for a job too soon.
Probably, I would have seen you still alive. Probably, had I been there to remind you to keep fighting and be strong to stay live because you still need to see your great grandkids from me, you're still alive right now. I can always hear you chuckle whenever I say that.
I remember that whenever you get hospitalized, I really don't wanna visit you there, I don't wanna see you weak and fragile. But once you are back home, You see me there.
I want you to know that I am proud of you that you are my lolo. For me, you are an epitome of a good man. A good husband, father, provider and grandfather you had been.
You were a carpenter. I remember looking at you sharpening your tools ad telling me that it is very important for keep sharp tools. You were a farmer. You rise up so early in the morning. Prepping either for planting season or harvesting. I remember that day I tried helping you with sun-drying the grains of rice. You forgot to tell me to wear a coverall. After 3 baths, my body still felt itchy and I was red all over. The only way for me to take a rest from scratching was after popping that antihistamine that I always hated taking in. After that, never again did you let me help you. After a long day's work, I see you capping the day by eating "nganga" and with a bottle of gin or tanduay.
You were my defender during the times when Lola and my two titas scold me a lot. You were always there to comfort me and tell me to finish my studies.
I have a lot of stories about you. Living with you and Lola, I saw how much respect you have for her. A true gentleman, you were. My favorite story from you will always be your courtship story with lola. How a "bilao" of "sinapot" (fried flour-coated bananas) won her heart. From there, you got eight kids and from eight kids, 21 grandkids and 3 great grand kids.
Lolo, the kind-hearted that you are, I'm thinking that your sudden passing was your way of not giving people you love a hard time taking care of you. You are the kind of guy who don't want to inconvenience others but would go an extra mile to help others.
Not so many things had changed since the day I moved Manila. I'm still your cry-baby favorite apo. Haha.
Lolo, you are an epitome of a good man. I'm so blessed to have be surrounded by good men in my life--- you, my father, my uncles and my sibs.
I know you're in heaven looking after all of us now. I will surely miss your presence.
I'm almost done and I'm starting to cry. I promise, I won't cry a lot this time. You're not beside me to comfort me. Labyu, Lolo Eutiqz.