As I start a daily countdown of days down to that Sunday for the Japanese Language Proficiency Test, I have fears of falling short of expectations of others and of myself.
1: "Bakit ba hindi ka naniniwala sa sarili mo? Eh halos lahat kami sinasabi naming kayang-kaya mo."
2: "Matutuloy yan. Basta, makakaalis ka."
Me: "Ayokong masyadong magtiwala sa sarili ko. Alam kong kelangan ko yun pero natatakot akong masyadong magtiwala sa sarili ko. Mas masaya kapag lahat tayo makapasa diba? Kaya natin lahat to."
Me: "Sana nga talaga. Sana talaga."
There are really days that I just want to give up. Just go back to the usual office work and go on with my life. As simple as it used to be. Pay my bills without stretching the salary so much, but still with limited savings and funds to share to my family. I would have opted for that.
However, I have bigger dreams, not only for myself, but also for those who believe in me and the people I care so much about. So, I am taking this transition phase, investing time, money, energy and dreams to learn a new language and culture.
Getting the lowest language proficiency level certificate, I get better chances of being able to teach in that country.
A lot of others have made it, why can't I, right?
A lot of others can see my potential, why can't I believe myself?
It is not that I don't believe in myself. I just always like to have my feelings in check, aligned with my goals. Everytime I learn something new, I know that I need to learn something more. What I know is just a portion of what my teacher knows and what others are aware of.
The only thing I am confident to say is that I am willing to learn.
So, for every one who believes and is giving me a push every now and then, THANK YOU. May I also be a source of positivity and support to each and everyone.
Thirty five days to go. For others, it may just be some kind of exam, but for me, it is a life-changing exam. That kind of test that if I get to pass, it will open many doors of opportunities and fortunes.
Thirty five days to go, you may not be there to take the exam with me, but I am taking every word of encouragement, support and prayers with me.
I aim to pass the test. Yes! I aim to pass it with flying colors. And each of you is with me every step of the way. I am forever grateful.