Demented Moment

I’m having one of those days again. It’s probably every day, I am just not that brave to accept it to myself until this moment.

I’m so proud I’m friends with so many awesome people. My college classmate just landed in Taiwan today in pursuit of his PhD. Two former colleagues from the NGO both landed MA scholarships in the US, one in Chicago while the other one is in New York. Two of my current colleagues are leaving for Japan.

While the others, are my “friends” in Facebook. They all seem to be having the time of their lives and their wits. Narcissistic posts, brag posts, hate posts, happy posts, trying-to-be-GV posts, and dementor posts. All in the newsfeed.

And I can’t stop scrolling.

I’m too intoxicated with envy, impatience, self-pity, so much negativity and anxiety. Even if I try to cheer up myself and work on being positive, I still get to this low point in my day. I can’t help it. I’m sorry, heart and body. It’s not suppose to be like this. I can’t figure out what’s wrong with my brain lately and it hasn't stopped thinking weird things and dreaming exceedingly.

Should I blame it on the period? To the tides? To the universe? To the meds? I haven’t really been taking anything except Multivitamins.

As an initial step to veering away from all these, I deactivated my Facebook, keeping the Messenger feature active. I don't even know if that is a bright idea. Maybe I should deactivate that as well, watchuthink? But, a big BUT, I diverted to Twitter. The hell, right? What had changed? Nothing really. So, I opened my Instagram. Dang, it’s still Social Media. But I love pictures, I’m still thinking if I will keep it that way. As if anybody else cares to know what’s going on with my life. There is nothing really even worth knowing.

I thought the moodswings of the early pre-adulthood would be a training period on how to handle these kinds of matters when one steps into adulthood. But no, adulting is a very difficult process that even those I’ve learned in the past, my system wants to unlearn them right now. I just wanna be cool with what I have and am going through right now. I just wanna keep appreciating all the good things that is happening in my life and that I have  and have all these negativities flushed out of my system.

What’s going on with me?


I’m writing this one hoping it will be driven away from my system and will become one of those “kainin-na-lang-sana-ako-ng-lupa” shameful post of the past.

9 comments:

  1. Blame it on the ber months. haha but yeah, nakakaloka naman kasi talaga yung feeling mo the whole world's found themselves and you're still trying to figure out how to tie your shoelaces. Buti nalang we have blogs to let out all these nega feelings. Imagine kung wala kang outlet.

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    Replies
    1. kung walang outlet, di ko na alam kung san ako pupulutin. hahaha...

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  2. Cher Kat, kayanin, and with this encouragement comes prayers. Please take care of yourself. Send me a message if you need someone to speak with.

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    Replies
    1. Yep :) For now, everything's all good. I'll let you know for sure kung ano pang mga ganaps ko in life :)

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  3. Motto ko sa panahon ng ber months: Bawal magkumpara ng sarili sa iba. Haha.

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    Replies
    1. Noted po Sir OPs. Hahaha. Kapag di na po ba -ber months, pwede na po magcompare? LOLs.

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  4. pano ba kita mafofollow dito sa blogger!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww... haha... wala kong rss feed option or subscribe to email, di ako marunong maglagay nang ganung widget. Hohoho.

      Ang alam ko lang na option ay yung sa Dashboard, below Reading List, click Add then another box will appear asking for the url of the blog to follow, click ok. Tapos ayun na. Subscribed na :)

      Delete
    2. You can subscribe to rss feeds directly using this link:
      https://bloggercrazykat.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default

      You can use the default options, or import the link using your own RSS app.

      Delete

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