Rescue Me

Completed 13 Reasons Why and then started to read Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock by Matthew Quick wasn't a good idea.

Now, I am in a way down low kind of feeling.

Add the fact that it's my lolo's 2nd death anniversary today.
Take me out of this darkness. Hug me tight and tell me that everything will be alright.

Not a book review

I had finished reading the book Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari. A very useful read, I should say. 

Thanks Lubu! 

It had given me a lot of things to think about as someone who is a millenial coz that is actually the main study/subject of observation of the writers. The very on-point and detailed descriptions and observations about online dating apps, really took my attention. It really made me think about my behavior as an active user. 

Consider dating apps as introductory services.

I totally agree with this. Online dating apps has made way for me to meet so many guys who works for different fields and interests. From the formal ones to weird ones. 

In fact, my long time guy bestfriend, I met him thru MIRC, 10 years ago, I think. He would still check on me every now and then. And he met his fiancee thru Tinder. So, yes, he is a major promoter of Tinder to me. HAHAHAHA.

A vast array of choices

The wide variety of options had made it difficult to choose due to comparisons and had also made us set quite impossible standards. Perfection has raised the bar for standards though we all know that it can never be achieved. We tend to have difficulty choosing one or give no effort to work things with someone because we always think that there is always someone better out there, if you just keep looking. Also, "looks" has become the initial and pre-selecting factor in choosing a date. 

Waiting Game

One thing that really struck me was the waiting game in digital correspondence, they found out that a guy or a girl who text back immediately, is taken for granted and ultimately has lower value as a reward. For someone like me, who always have the smartphone handy, I haven't really thought of it. In fact, my sibs would be surprised if I won't reply right away when they send me a message. Though I would notice that it would take time for others to reply to my messages, I don't take it into account. Unless, otherwise, they simply just vanish and had become non-responsive. I would take that as a signal of disinterest from the other end. I take conversations as long as it interests me and cut it as polite as I can, if it is something I am not comfortable with. 

Real self vs Phone Self

I would probably make another entry for this one. But yes, for most of us, we have a different self in phone and in person. Also, it is important that when we meet someone from a dating app, it is much advisable to meet right away than to keep talking in the cyberworld. We still prefer the proximity and availability after all. The funniest thing is about guys, who would ask about sex and other weird stuff via phone but I am not really sure if they would have the courage to ask the same questions face-to-face with a girl. 

In a rush. 

I am not really sure what courtship is anymore. Or if it is still even a valid point. I would still like to go to that stage of getting to know someone but it seems like it has become an alien stage. It's either, a click or not a click. Then, move on to the next option if it doesn't work out. Coz, as they say, "there is always someone better out there." Aziz's great reminder is about how we treat others in terms of digital correspondence. He said that we should always remember that the person on the other end of the line is a human being and deserves to be treated as humans. As we would have wanted to be treated. 

Second Chances. 

I like what he said about this part. Finding a partner can never be achieved through constant left or right swipe. It takes a lot of effort, understanding and working together. It's a puzzle that takes time to complete and a lot of trials and errors for a certain piece before it perfectly fits. Just hold on to that piece.

We should always keep or at least end with a good note with somebody because you will never know how destiny will make you two meet again and maybe be able to give it all a second chance. 

******

My thoughts are still completely scattered. As usual, I have been procrastinating and just not completing anything in the process. But then, I should keep writing. Not because I wanna be a writer. I had long let go of that dream, but because I need to just keep writing because nobody else can do that for me. 

On Dating and Meeting New People

I said I had quit on Tinder. I actually did but before that, I was able to build a little circle of cyber acquiantances as my LINE contacts. (LINE is the most popular messaging app they have in Japan)

With that, I was able to get onto a few dinner dates on the weekends, as of this writing, all of which were local Japanese. Usually on a Saturday since I work late on Fridays also. I met a few good guys. One was weird but still, it all went well in the end. 

A few things that got me thinking in the end......

1. Language Barrier. 

          It's very hard to communicate in speaking two different languages. How awkward it looked when we had to rely on depend on digital translator to keep the conversations going. No matter how I try to keep trying to ask for words in Nihonggo, some people aren't really that patient enough to teach others, I guess. 

2. Getting Laid.

       I don't know if it has something to do with my being a foreigner that they thought I am liberated enough to open my legs to them after a free dinner which I actually offered to pay for mine even before we personally met.

3. Teach English.
        I dont know how many times I had to remind the guy that I am out to meet people on my off hours and not to find someone who is desperate to learn English.

4. Insecurities.
         Japanese girls are beautiful. Glowing skin. Beautiful eyes and very fashionable clothes.

5. Just gotta be real.
        Apart from language differences that can cause miscommunications, it really takes a lot of effort to connect to someone. Sometimes, it just happens, most of the time, at least I tried.

I probably would still have to edit this entry in the future, but for the meantime, let it be.