Jowability Q&A

I was having a very serious talk with one of my few constants about her upcoming self-decided repatriation.

Her: Ate, change topic tayo. Sagutin mo to ha. 
Me: Okay. 
Her: Pag nagka-jowa ka, tutuloy mo pa rin ba ang communication sa kaibigan mong may nararamdaman sayo? Hahahaha (ganda problem)
Me: Oo naman. Pero hindi ako ang mag-iinitiate ng contact.
Her: Magseselos ang jowa? Paano?
Me: Okay lang naman mag-selos, pero yung i-limit mo yung partner mo kung sinong dapat or hindi dapat maging friends, eh foul yun. Minus ganda/pogi points. 

Her: Next: Kapag nagjowa ka, anong limit ng privacy? Pwede bang magbigayan ng password? Hiraman ng phone?
Me: No sharing of password unless otherwise freely-given. Di pwedeng i-ask si partner. 
Her: How about you? Will you give ba?
Me: Pag in-ask, hindi ko ibibigay. Tsaka pakalat-kalat lang din ang telepono ko, even my siblings can easily hack my laptop and phone.
Her: To show loyalty, will you give your password?
Me: Still a No.

Me: May jowa ka na ba?
Her: Wala! Preparing lang. 

Her: Naniniwala ka ba sa second chance?
Me: Oo naman.
Her: Ehh sa third and fourth chance?
Me: Pwede pa rin. Depende sa effort ng concerned party. At hindi ako ang mauuna.

Her: Kapag pumili ng tao, required ang spark and chemistry?
Me: Yes.
Her: Kasi may sobrang effort naman pero hindi tumitibok para sa kanya.
Me: Give chance pa rin. Pero may boundaries para safe. 

I have no idea why she asked me all of a sudden. I had to cut her off as I am on my way for a dinner with friends and I can't concentrate.

Promised to ring her after and turned out that she is in the process of cutting ties with a guy she made a "no-label" attachment with for three years. The conversation lasted for almost 2 hours. I had to say goodbye because it is a few minutes past my bed time already.

It was her moment to share and for a lady who rarely show vulnerability, it was such an honor to see her weak and bleeding. That asshole of a guy probably had no idea what he had lost.

When one agrees to put "no label" on the kind of relationship that the two of you are going to have/are having, that's just another label for a "no relationship"/"don't expect anything" until one gives up.

Because sooner or later, one would dare define and one would get scared and then the romantic bubble gets popped and then the roller coaster of emotions that has long been withheld comes crashing down.


*************
I dare not be the one to define. I dare not feel unless it is obviously given and shown. I think I had fallen a few times, good enough for me not to commit the same mistake. In this kind of love, I know to myself that I wish to be courted, pursued and convinced.

The option of being forever alone, sex drought and lonely death still have high chances at the moment.


*************
She will be moving back to PH to manage an NGO-ran school in the far-flung island of Siargao. I am so excited for her. It seems to be a big break for a 25-year old lady like her. It will be such a great task to manage a school, teachers and students. She is giving up a comfortable salary because the present environment isn't aligned with her values, our values as teacher. Sooner or later, I hope to have the same courage as hers to follow one's heart's desires. I admire her. So much respect for this young lady and a thousand prayers for healing her broken heart.

Comments

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