That Feeling Again.

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I am having that feeling again.

That deep-seated loneliness and tears just start running down my cheeks.

I am having one of those days that I would rather just choose to write and romanticize this uncomfortable feeling inside me.

Last night, I just started listening to an audiobook, entitled, The Fountainhead and for some reason... I feel like I am so Catherine and Howard Roark at the same time. It has been awhile that I took time to read fiction stories and I probably should really be reading more of it.

Today is the week that we get to know if we get into the MA program completely and maybe that is one thing why anxiety is all over my body. Though I know that I had done my best  for the exam, there is still this evil-ish part in my head whispering that I may not be good enough. At this point, I am really praying to pass that exam. Because if I fail, I am not sure if there is anything else left for me meaningful to do.

I wish for time to stop for myself to not feel being so left behind by my contemporaries here and there. I am not sure where this feeling of smallness is coming from, where this feeling of purposelessness is springing out from.

As much as I want to reach out to people and tell them that I need some comforting, it is just too much to ask from people who are also busy with their own struggles. But it would have been nice to just have someone to talk to. Hug. Cry on. Tell me how stupid my thoughts are. Just tell me to pick up my butt and keep moving.

That's what I should tell myself right now. Well, after this, I just gotta collect myself, prepare for the gym, gotta meet a friend in the city-center and hopefully, I will be a bit better off after.

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