Hormones Extended.

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Dear You, 

It is 2020 and the whole world is taking a total change in everything. I wonder how you are coping up. I had stopped looking for you, but I had never ceased to expect for someone like you in some of the people I meet along the way. I think that's how desperate things are turning out for me nowadays? Or maybe this is one of those hormonal imbalances that I have no control of inside my body, my head in particular. Which makes me think, will you even accept me for this kind periodic neediness and clinginess that I have? 

I wish I can tell you about this boy in school that really ticks me off every time. I just can't seem to like him just like the other kids. And it frustrates me that I am like that. I don't know if there is something wrong with me. I want to understand him better, but I can't point where to start. 

I wish I can tell you about the 3 rings I put on my right ring finger. Do people think that I am committed coz I have them right there? One is a bronze tribal ring, the other two are stainless steel, one surrounded by plain glass cut into stones and the other one had studs of black stones I have no idea what kind of stone it was. I put those three rings on that ring finger to remind me of self-love for the moment. Inwardly hoping that someday, you will replace with our commitment rings or a fancy engagement ring. Or really, just your hand holding mine.

I wish I can tell you that I don't like this feeling of longing for you. That despite a peaceful life, which in itself is already a struggle day-to-day, I have this deep-seated feeling of longing for you and whenever I recognize that, I feel vulnerable and just feel so lonely. Just very, very lonely and I cry so hard. 

I pray you find me. 
Soon, please. 


-Kat 



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