tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57952203442005431382024-03-18T18:48:51.888+09:00Life of a Kat“What is the point of being alive if you don't at least try to do something remarkable?”
― John Green, An Abundance of Katherinesyccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.comBlogger1155125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-85947656705635371972024-03-13T16:38:00.001+09:002024-03-13T16:38:37.877+09:00Slow Recovery I think this recovery will be slow. As much as I want it to be really zooming into the horizon of genkiness and energy, I need to embrace this moment of loss and realization. <div><br></div><div>A lot of things are running in my head. That sense of worth just totally gets shaken coz what if I never really get to be able to carry a child full term, give birth and rear one. Of the many things I am capable of doing in my life, this negative thought can totally pull me down. And I am writing this just to get it off my mind and realize that my life may seem dull, sad at the moment but for sure, there are other things I can do. With that, I should be taking this period of recovery a time to explore deeper on what else I can do with my life as I play different roles for different people around me. Am I still up to write a research paper? Am I up for a managment post? Am I up to be really successful? Am I ready to give my mother the comfort in life she deserves?</div><div>This period of recovery should be moments of saying “Yes.” To all these questions. </div><div><br></div>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-44285048412398385992024-03-12T16:41:00.001+09:002024-03-12T16:41:34.991+09:00Another DayAnother day is about to pass, today is a bit more calm than yesterday, but more painful in the inside knowing that things didn’t go well and the reality of life that sometimes, what we want is not always what we get. <div><br></div><div>Physically painful, but I know that recovery will be fast depending on how open I am to accepting that pregnancy isn’t for me just yet. I want to be more healthy again, more energetic, more hopeful, more to give. I want to prepare my physical body to be a vessel. I want my heart to be ready for the opportunity to be a mom coz underneath the excitement there has always been that fear if I will be good enough for the role, to be entrusted with life, not just in the classroom, but for formation from conception to become a human being, reared and taken care of, fed, clothed and formed in values. </div><div><br></div><div>There is pain right now, in my heart and in my body, but just like every other events in life, this too shall pass. It is good to grateful at least for a short while to savour that feeling of excitement, the fear of losing and ultimately, the feel of hope knowing that everything happens for a reason and there is a right time for everything. </div>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-27172882215415132532024-03-04T11:19:00.001+09:002024-03-04T11:19:32.328+09:00Lost in the Mornings My “full-time” job expects that I show up at work mostly in the afternoons. <span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Actually if I didn’t have a car and just rely on public transport, transit will be the major time consumer. And so, I invested on a car. Now, most mornings are free. </span><div><br></div><div>I had always been so lost in the mornings despite setting up projects and tasks but there are times that I just can’t seem to stop scrolling on social media accounts and prying, envying other people’s lives and questioning the universe why I am stuck where I am right now. It’s an endless cycle of unfinished tasks, boring routines and wants that I know I don’t deserve at the moment coz of my current disposition in life. </div><div><br></div><div>As life is taking a big change in the coming days, I can’t help but be scared on how it will all turn out to be, and then, I am reminded that I have a powerful God, an ever supportive life partner, a family and group of friends who would always have my back to celebrate with. </div><div><br></div><div>I am just so emotional right now and I kinda where this is coming from but I am still not fully-embracing it, but we will get there. And maybe, just maybe, once it’s all clear, it will be a good journey to document as well. 😁</div>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-1045296604432093652024-02-15T12:22:00.000+09:002024-02-15T12:22:43.608+09:00M1 onwards <p> The refurbished laptop just arrive and being able to set it up slowly as I transfer work and other tasks in this laptop. </p><p>It costed me a fortune, and I'm just looking forward to the ROI of this thing for the next few years. </p><p>I have been finding excuses to be unproductive and having this tiny machine with me from here onwards, gets me excited to work and resume passion for things that I am involved with.</p><p>It feels good typing this here. </p>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-80797604980695165982024-02-14T09:21:00.003+09:002024-02-14T09:21:37.165+09:00House MD Series <p>I cant remember which month I started to watch it. I usually play a tv series episode on the background every morning just for the sake of the humanly sounds around me as I go through the day. </p><p>I was on the verge of quitting to watch it altogether, but on most days, I tried to find the time to really sit and watch it, savor the conversations and the emotions of every character. The twists and turns and House's downfall, but even in death, he made it work for his favor. </p><p>It will take a lot of integrity to be able to call others idiot, a lot of care too, to call out somebody and make them hear that they are idiots or morons. In House's case, he calls them out, but never leave them behind or alone in the discovery of how to un-idiot themselves. </p><p>He may have been very selective of the people to be vulnerable with, but he was always been genuine. A man with so much love for puzzles and the truth, the ultimate truth and not the truth the works for them. </p><p>The people around him had been good examples of understanding and caring people to someone who is consistently in pain, but still wants to care. Behind that yelling, bullying and the criticisms, House was very good in making people the better versions of themselves.</p><p>Self-destructive, a bully, a very smart doctor. Being able to control emotions has been his strong point, being objective had always worked for him, able to forget the daily suffering and pain and got cases solved and lives saved. </p><p>I guess I had been so absorbed on his skills on how he was able to control emotions on most days, choosing objectivity to endure the pain and get the job done. Being able to choose the right persons to be vulnerable with, and being humble enough to apologize when he is at the wrong. It was the most satisfying portions of the series, House walking to face someone and then his baritone voice getting ready to say... "I'm sorry.", "It was a mistake." and the likes. Yet, in the end, he has powers to be on top of it all again. </p><p>It must be true that with true power comes that humility to accept mistakes and the accountability to step up and admit it and take courses of actions for it. </p><p>Completing the series had been very satisfying and a reminder that every thing we do comes to an end. And the things that we do are not always at a high point of enjoyment. There were days that I really didn't enjoy watching it, but I appreciate the time that I did as it moves the bar to completion and of course, I get to hear words that stick to me about love, work and relationships. </p><p>I am so happy and proud to have watched a TV series that had been aired almost 2 decades ago for eight years. There is so much pride in me in able to absorb the lines, the stories and the people in it. </p><p>Two decades after, House MD series, know that you are still touching lives and inspiring people to be the best versions despite the desires to self-destruct every now and then. </p><p>What's next? Of course, dropping Netflix and Stremio to get back on track with workouts and writing projects for Espoir. </p><p>The roller coaster ride has already taken its descent phase to the quick end of 2024 and it is important to be able to accomplish as much as possible :D </p>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-17575128253073018382024-01-22T23:10:00.002+09:002024-01-22T23:10:35.244+09:00Still a Failed. Fourth time to fail JLPT. Not a good intro, I know, but that's also the 4th time that I really haven't any effort nor pressure on myself to get something with the obvious results of failure. <div><br /></div><div>The inner motivation and purpose wasn't really there. And if I just put a little more effort, maybe just another couple of weeks focused on the readings, maybe, maybe, the test results would have been different. </div><div><br /></div><div>The test score fell short of 4 points. That accumulated score in general wasn't really a result of focused study but of tiny bits of studying here and there for the past 6 years. Imagine if I had put a little bit of obsession on it like how I put effort on other commitments I have signed up for and get a more satisfactory result. </div><div> </div><div>I am sad yet, overall happy coz my friends who really needed the passing results nailed it. </div><div><br /></div><div>As I try to keep a more focused and meaningful engagements, it is obviously about time to give myself that passing score it deserves that eventually can be an additional credential for whatever career path I choose to create out of what I have right now. </div><div><br /></div><div>Self, you deserve that A but only if you work for it. Let's get that, shall we? </div>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-505298607447350722024-01-16T11:54:00.000+09:002024-01-16T11:54:05.579+09:00Tuesday. Choose Day. I realized that watching House MD with quite consistency felt like reading to me. Is thay an excuse or is it really what it feels to me? <div><br></div><div>On my long drive on my way here to Kanoya, I also enjoyed listening to the audio of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F and it felt good. In some way, it was a good recall of the pages and thoughts I have certainly tried to absorb from the moment I have read of it and also forgotten the moment I let things fall apart. </div><div><br></div><div>I am not fond of watching movies without subtitles, that was thecresding part, I think. </div><div><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I do miss the feeling of reading quietly, lost in the text, my physical body at rest while my whole mind has its own boob tube inside, scenes and people change as I read, I have the power to put me in the situation then and there. </span><br></div><div><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I like the feel of writing as if I al slowly painting a picture, not perfect coz in no way I have been good with art, but somewhat a Picasso-esque mode of cubism, patching thoughts and ideas to make it look like there is unity in the trail of thought eventhough there hardly been any. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I worked out this morning and told myself that I really should keep reminding myself that I am not after that weight loss though in anticipation of the solidified active lifestyle, a fit and strong body is a good sign. </span></div><div><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I felt good sweating my body coz I know there’s no way I am capablr of cutting down my carbo intake (rice is life). </span></div><div><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-size: 12pt; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">And I think I deserve another House episode as I wrap this entry up. </span></div><div><br></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Tuesday, I chose to pick up my butt and wake up, drink coffee, eat carb, write, workout, take bath, and will choose to watch another House MD episode. Oh yeah, will choose to be ready to for work this late afternoon as well. </span></div>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-48599720125340400972024-01-12T09:21:00.000+09:002024-01-12T09:21:14.305+09:00Fridays and Coffee It’s a Friday morning and here I am waiting for my coffee to drip, the laundry to finish and of course, the next episode of House MD. <div><br></div><div>Yes, House MD, that medical drama that was so famous back in 2004 onwards. I’m just on Season 3 right now. Oh also, I just completed watching Crash Landing on You late in 2023. </div><div><br></div><div>Today, after all these things, I have to start readings, outlines for this month’s training, re-write previous trainings, go to the gym (?) ugh I have just been hating that place lately just because it is always crowded and not enough machine and I can’t use the studio to practice ropeflow. It wasn’t a very good choice to sign up but it was also a good choice to get me started with getting back to movement. </div><div><br></div><div>And I can’t just break that daily streak of movement today because it’s cold!!!! And that big warm bath and onsen in there would be good to get started with afternoon work. Aaaashhhh. </div><div><br></div><div>Before all these shenanigans, I gotta figure out what’s for lunch. </div><div><br></div><div>TTYL! </div>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-22824730360156336392023-12-11T15:12:00.003+09:002023-12-11T15:12:37.304+09:0011 Dec 2023Almost the end of 3rd yr of driving and today I had my first traffic violation costing me 7000yen in total. 😅<div><br></div><div>Shoganai (can’t be helped/got no choice) </div><div><br></div><div>And at least it isn’t a car accident or anything close to having anyone hurt. Learning and experience are such costly moments in life, and I, in 2023 leave all those negative experiences behind and carry with me in 2024 all the great things this year has taught me. </div><div><br></div><div>As we remain hopeful for another year of grace, forgiveness and blessings, I will never get tired of daring for greater things as the Lord would always provide and had always provided all the great things in life. </div><div><br></div>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-78915296160853345292023-12-09T16:32:00.002+09:002023-12-09T16:32:59.309+09:009 Dec 2023Life Update. <div><br></div><div>Parking lot secured! </div><div><br></div><div>Finally able to find a parking spot for Blue. It has been months since we moved but had been relying on coin parking, a tita’s parking spot in the city and free parking when I’m out of town. Dunno how we survived but today, we signed a year’s lease of a parking spot and couldn’t be more grateful with the thought of it. </div><div><br></div><div>D has been very into it and his language skills had come in handy with contract discussions and translations. </div><div><br></div><div>We had been having our misunderstandings recently, and last night, we bought weren’t able to fall asleep until we were able to mend it all out and I’m just relieved that we are very much open into communicating our thoughts and feelings and plans. Doing things together as partners and growing as individuals on our own. </div><div><br></div><div>The age gap challenges are slowly showing up but it has been personally teaching me humility and honesty. I had seen that being open with my thoughts had helped D step up his game and we both know that progress won’t happen overnight, I am learning to be more patient and kind as well. </div><div><br></div><div>It’s a journey of highs and lows, I’m just grateful to the Lord that it is D that I get to do this life journey with. </div>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-1771772341982269942023-11-14T10:33:00.001+09:002023-11-14T10:33:22.952+09:0014 Nov 2023 Finally have my own nook at the new apartment! <div>I actually dont know how to start today's narrative. </div><div>I haven't fully-recovered from flu which I have been completely denying myself that I had and so I still try to continue with life despite the fatigue and exhaustion. </div><div>You see, dishes won't wash themselves and since we dont have a dryer, clothes wont dry themselves too. </div><div><br /></div><div>Oh don't get me wrong, D has been so helpful. On the night of my high fever, he wouldn't sleep much at all. And he tries to really just do the chores when he is home. But when he is at work, it is just me and my mind and my excuses to not get things done while in here. </div><div><br /></div><div>I honestly miss the old self that can get many things done, but I also know that I cannot bring it back the way it used to be. I just really need to change a few things here and there so I can get back in track. </div><div><br /></div><div>We signed up for gym membership! Aint that fun? </div><div>It has been on my mind since I can't remember and I really wanted to be able to get back to an ideal weight and health body. </div><div><br /></div><div>Not closing 2023 with regrets, but full of hope and picking up of self where I had left off. No new beginnings, I guess? Just unlimited second changes for a self that knows what it desires or so it thought. </div>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-42854717288294525092023-11-07T16:21:00.000+09:002023-11-07T16:21:25.218+09:007 Nov 2023<p>This is supposed to be my 7th entry for November, but that long detailed entry I wrote on the 1st wouldn't publish, nor get saved on drafts, and I tried to reset but I forgot to copy and paste the content. And so I lost drive to keep the blog going. </p><p><br></p><p>Excuses. Excuses. Excuses. </p><p><br></p><p>But here I am again, giving myself the second chance among the many second chances to keep on writing about my life. </p><p><br></p><p>It has been good. Too good that it’s so boring and as much as I miss the adventures I used to do, this life right now, is way something good to give up on. Every day I wake up with a warm embrace and a kiss. Every meal, with a prayer, every moment, shared with somebody I can now call my home. </p><p><br></p><p>We are already at that point in our lives that we are shaking off the boat every now and then as life has gone too comfortable and growth doesn’t seem to come natural anymore. </p><p><br></p><p>I can’t seem to shed off the weight I have gained within the year and I feel sluggish and heavy. I felt so bad about myself that I am considering going to the gym but it is financially impractical for me at the moment. The feeling of weight gain, bloat and just not being able to fit on my old clothes has been giving me feelings of depression but the moment that I moved and exercise in the morning for 30 minutes, I feel better. I put it on my calendar now like an achievement badge. I’ll keep doing that. </p><p><br></p><p>I am happy to be back on training and hopefully, gain my strength sooner too. I miss the lighter feeling, the ease of movement. I promised myself that it will be the lifestyle I’ll keep aiming for. </p><p><br></p><p>I have a new blog app and keeping my fingers crossed that this is a good choice despite the limited number of ratings. </p><p><br></p>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-6846423360310113952023-10-31T18:13:00.001+09:002023-10-31T18:13:18.788+09:0031 Oct 2023<p>I am always holding my phone but I never really took time to open my journaling app and just emo shit dump more and more. I should have done that more. </p><p><br></p><p>I should have taken my solitude moments in a more self-exploratory mode instead of scrolling mode. As I close my fair share of 10 months of 2023, l have a good mix of goods and bads, mostly the good are unexpected, the bads mostly resulted from inaction and excuses and there are certain times that things were really out of my locus of control. </p><p><br></p><p>To be able to bravely and shamelessly pen my shortcomings for my dreams and goals, is a big chunk of my desire to be out of the rut. </p><p><br></p><p>I was able to pick up myself a lot of times from past ruts, for sure, this time, I can do it again. </p><p><br></p><p>I should realize that it gets more exciting and fulfilling this time because I have a partner to divide the burden with and eventually, share the sweet taste of success as we go for the goal together. </p><p><br></p><p>61 more days and we call it a wrap, at least for the year 2023. And though it is almost the end of 2023, the choice to rise above and get out from the rut will always be in the NOW. </p>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-67309990106764428482023-10-02T19:18:00.001+09:002023-10-02T19:18:02.656+09:002 Oct 2023<p> There are just so many things I want to do...</p><p>Update my expense tracker.</p><p>Fold clothes and stack away most summer clothes.</p><p>Change wardrobe for the cold days ahead.</p><p>Clean up the house.</p><p>Grocery shopping.</p><p>Blog. </p><p>Do more video stories. </p><p>Read more. </p><p>Prepare questions for end of October training. </p><p>I am very much overwhelmed with things going on right now, but I can feel that I am handling things a bit better than I used to and I am glad about that. Maybe I could go for a good run tonight. Or maybe not. I have a lot clothes to fold and sort. Ugh. </p><p><br /></p>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-20499025102442692522023-09-29T14:32:00.001+09:002023-09-29T14:32:24.512+09:0029 Sept 2023 <p> Second to the last day of the 9th month of the year. then, 3 more months to call it a wrap for this month. </p><p>If my life will be a content that I will curate a story from, I wonder how it will all turn out? Will it be a story people will be willing to pay for? Will it be a story I am willing to share to the world? </p><p>Am I willing to share my flaws? My bads? </p><p>Of course I am excited to tell the world my triumphs, my inspirations, my dreams, ..... my journey. </p><p>But it isn't easy. Even here, sometimes, writing can be very painful. Most of the time, I am just lazy to move and write. </p>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-48026390192338289602023-09-11T09:17:00.001+09:002023-09-11T09:17:55.716+09:0011 Sept 2023 <p>I weighed in and I’m at 55kgs today. I need to lose 7kgs to get down to my ideal weight. </p><p><br></p><p>I am filled with so much frustration right now about myself. I was able to reach it for 2 years and here I am falling out from it. </p><p><br></p><p>I am not sure which one I got so much high from, was the journey of being fit or being fit in itself. I remember telling myself that exercising and working out and seeing results of weight loss can bring a different kind of high, it’s addicting like everything else coz once you have somewhat reached a peak level of fitness in comparison to the previous self, it brings so much joy and confidence like never before. And I even told myself before, “If being fit is a form of addiction, this is the kind of addiction I would like to get stuck with for life.”</p><p><br></p><p>I used to be the only one posting and sharing my fitness journey, now almost everyone who just used to message me about working out and weight loss, they are on the peak of achievement of their body goals. </p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">It is so frustrating. </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">I miss my 48kgs self. For all the good reasons that I can think of. I am lighter, I fit on the clothes I have. I am not always hungry. I am more decisive. I am more active. I am more productive. </span><br></p><p><br></p><p>Getting pregnant at 48kgs would be more ideal knowing that at the duration of pregnancy, I would gain so much weight and it might takes years to shed it all off again. </p>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-91482304399667988492023-09-08T12:14:00.004+09:002023-09-08T12:14:59.272+09:009 Sept 2023 <p> I think it's a good habit to do brain dump in here. </p><p>But that's what I have been doing here all along! LOL. But anyway, today, I tried to study/practice writing this morning. I just signed up for JLPT N4 exam and it costs ¥7500 (+/-75USD, +/- 3000PHP) <br /><br />And so hopefully, this year, I am praying for that breakthrough in passing the test this time, knowing that I am dedicating time to learn and study. Consistency is still a hard thing to say that I have achieved but looking into our study charts on how we have been making time to prepare the test, I am hoping to have better scores this time. Albeit, I am excited to see my friends pass the test. </p><p>I woke up a bit late this morning and as I changed clothes, stood up in front of the mirror, I kinda liked the shape of my body, I felt lighter and happier and with that, I know that I can achieve this weight loss and active lifestyle I would like to restore in me. Still a long way to go. But I am happy that I am able to move. </p><p>Also at this point in time, I have decided to just dedicate my time with things related to our island school instead of cramming and scolding myself for not being able to write a thesis proposal. </p><p>The island school outputs are far more doable and needed. After all, since its a first time, who knows if there a research potential in there somewhere. </p><p>As I plan to have a baby before I turn 40, there is an inner clamour to keep moving and doing little things to be good at something. </p><p>I still want to build that retirement house for my parents, </p><p>Travel the world, </p><p>Write about how my partner has been so kind and patient to me, </p><p>Reflect on the things to learn and unlearn as we navigate a life together, I used to just dream about. <br /><br />Brb, im gonna be late for a lunch date with a tita. </p>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-60855641985869348812023-09-08T01:40:00.001+09:002023-09-08T01:40:44.554+09:008 Sept 2023<p>I wonder how it feels to be someone who have travelled almost all over the world. </p><p>I had always dreamed of seeing the world and now I’m 37 and have been to less than 10 countries, I still hope to travel around continents, be able to explore, share stories and learn more. </p><p><br></p><p>Writings are manifestations. And here I am manifesting to the universe, allowing for purpose and provision to be received and be used. </p><p>To travel. To explore. To share space. To grow in love and in light. </p><p><br></p><p>Xoxo</p><p>Kat </p>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-85236429544282924892023-09-05T00:09:00.003+09:002023-09-05T00:09:33.418+09:004 Sept 2023 Today has been busy and still grateful for it. <div><br /></div><div>I thought I lost the engagement ring that was given to me. I can't remember wearing it this morning. I only remember putting it in the little saucer plate I use to contain the earrings and specifically that ring whenever I had to take it off for the day. </div><div><br /></div><div>I had a feeling that it is just inside the house, so I left for the day for a long drive for work. </div><div><br /></div><div>Indeed, it was just there, but still I am confused that I had it mixed up with the crystal earrings in its own box. </div><div><br /></div><div>A lot of overthinking has been going on in my head, and I am glad that I didn't let it win over me the entire day. </div><div><br /></div><div>After all, if it was truly lost somewhere, I know in my heart that I looked for it. Honestly, the hands felt a little bit empty today without my fingers having nothing to fiddle with, my eyes had nothing to look as the ray of sun strikes into the tiny blue stone. </div><div><br /></div><div>It may not be that big, loud, sparkly-type of ring a girl could wish for, knowing that it wasn't the priority at the time of its acquisition, it was lovely surprise and declaration of promise.</div><div><br /></div><div>I can't help but look forward to the wedding band. </div>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-6205961956569633092023-09-02T00:03:00.001+09:002023-09-02T00:03:03.695+09:001 Sept 2023<p>I used to dream of a day that I’ll be a famous writer of some sort. Of how to do things, of how things had gotten better, weaving dreams and detailing the events as it all take time to be fulfilled, get a detour, re-route, or even start all over again. </p><p>An honest and consistent story of how my life had unfolded and been unfolding but there are times, that even here, I can’t write about it with all the excuses I could think of, all sorts of denial. </p><p><br></p><p>I want to write deeply. But I can’t even write about the simple things anymore. </p><p><br></p><p>Little steps. Tonight, I get to spill out my frustrations about myself and I feel alright. </p><p><br></p><p>Good night, self. </p>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-28960172050826945462023-08-24T18:16:00.005+09:002023-08-24T18:16:49.658+09:0024 Aug 2023<p>Hormonal imbalance tipping off the scale way worse that ever. It is tough and it is all good at the same time, knowing that I have someone to fight this battle with me. </p><p>I would usually just cry and then be okay again. Work out and work more. </p><p>But now, knowing that he can also be suffering with the way I have to deal with this shit, he doesn't deserve to receive all of my emotional outbursts. </p><p>What do I remind myself whenever I get the chance? </p><p>"Better days ahead, Kat. Way better than it used to be just being alone to thread on all these kinds of mind battles coz this time, you are not alone."</p>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-81914328312946881442023-07-31T23:08:00.003+09:002023-07-31T23:08:52.065+09:0031 July 2023 <p>Last hour of the last day of the first month of the second half of 2023. </p><p>Moments of graduations, postings of approval of proposals, thesis defense here and there. Internally, jealousy is eating me and self-pity is killing me inside. </p><p>I wish I am on that moment right now. I don't even know where to start with it, what to write about, but deep in me, I really want to be able to finish an academic research and graduate with a full MA degree. I just really wish that someone would be kind enough to lead me. </p><p>For now, that someone who needs to start with something is most likely ME. </p><p>I am trying to penetrate a very difficult circle to get into and even remain in, I really just want to be of someone with purpose and contribution. </p><p>While most ladies would be dreaming of dreamy and exquisite proposals and weddings, here is me, guilt-tripping myself for having fallen off the ideal weight, gaining so much fat and not being able to write anything that would be leading me to slowly giving my MA journey a full circle.</p><p>Where do we start again? </p><p>Wherever I'm at the moment, I guess.</p><p>I'm in a nice warm bed, airconditioned room. So, it seems that it will be with a good night sleep for now. </p><p>I miss Home aka Dboy. </p>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-16611204647127415012023-07-22T13:41:00.000+09:002023-07-22T13:41:02.456+09:0022 July 2023 <p> I just wanna go home. Not that I don't like this job. But being away for days feels so lonely. Life in a hotel is good, for the first time in many months of coming here, I was able to just being the necessary number of clothes and underwear for the week of stay. </p><p>Also, I was able to control myself and not come home in the middle of the week, which I am not sure if it contributed to this feeling of just wanting to be home right away.</p><p>Don't get me wrong. I love what I do. I appreciate the free time and all the possibilities it provides me. </p><p>As I am re-learning and unlearning a few things in this new chapter of my life, having the time to contemplate and really write down what matters to me, is something I am grateful for. </p><p>It is a true struggle to be able to find a good use of all this "free time" I have. </p><p>For now, I just wanna go home. Sleep. Excited to go to church again tomorrow. </p><p>I have never looked forward to Sundays like this before. </p>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-19170257903603276202023-07-20T17:20:00.001+09:002023-07-20T17:20:00.107+09:0020 July 2023 <p>It is very hard to resist buying things that I think I need. But there is much satisfaction knowing that I didn’t buy any of those things I thought I need to buy right now. And having the strength and the ability to be able to wait until all the necessities are set straight and we can buy all these other things without hesitation and anxiety. </p><p><br></p><p>Moving to a new home has been both exciting and exhausting. There is that wonderful feeling knowing that someone awaits you and vice versa. The sharing of chores, the unbelievable arguments I never imagined I would ever have with someone and that feeling of warmth and embrace. </p><p><br></p><p>As we mark the checklist for each goal, it had been fulfilling and just exciting to make new ones. The past weeks had been tiring and felt like it had been a long time ago. </p><p><br></p><p>The pain, the haste, the recovery and then the moving. </p><p><br></p><p>Though there are still so many things left to do, the feeling of rest has arrived and I couldn’t be more grateful. </p><p><br></p><p>Onto more days of achievements, big dreams and exploration together. </p><p><br></p><p>Bless us, oh Lord. I pray. </p>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5795220344200543138.post-67931427623652717252023-07-06T06:21:00.001+09:002023-07-06T06:21:47.415+09:006 July 2023 <p>I thought I'll continue working on the writing prompts this morning, but I changed my mind. I would rather just start writing from blank. </p><p>It has been raining for days and it had lead me to take life as slow as possible as well. I miss working out and regaining strength is what I need right now. So most likely just more stretch, a bit of weight-lifting here and there, and then substitute rice with something else, then I should be okay. </p><p>Today, I will be of course occupying my hours and days with reconnecting with two of the best persons I have ever met in Miyazaki that both helped me so much to get comfortable living in Miyazaki. </p><p>I am excited to move to the new apartment, though I know that there are other tasks to complete and focus on before it could happen. Forgive me. I am just excited for the new space. </p><p><br /></p>yccoshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02516413153907598152noreply@blogger.com1