Just Make Sure to Notice

Just make sure you notice... the collateral beauty. (Collateral Beauty, 2016)

I had never completed watching a movie without shedding a tear. Tonight, I cried a river while watching this movie. I tried to get distracted by ironing some clothes while watching, but I had to stop what I am doing because I need to catch up with the lines and every thing in between, until I decided to pause it, finish my task and sit down to play it again where I left off.

Different stories in a single movie. The pain of losing someone coz death, separation from a daughter coz of divorce, saving a company from getting a buyout, fear of losing a life-long investment, terminal illness kept a secret, the thrill of chase of big dreams.

He made an appeal with death. He questioned time. He said goodbye to love. But he never acknowledged life.

How does each of us cope when tragedies strike our lives? Do we ever get to see the collateral beauty attached to it? How long does it take to get a clear view of that collateral beauty? How do we ever begin to accept that collateral beauty?

I had found the movie deeply philosophical and it struck several cords in me that's probably the reason why I cried river and got to start this entry.

What is collateral beauty?

I've fallen in love a few times, been hurt the same number of times, all I can feel is pain and self-pity, that I can never be good enough for somebody. So, what is the collateral beauty in this?

The value of patience and faith. And forgiveness of self whenever I stumble into a complete a-hole. And millions of second chances.

I've chosen to live and work in a foreign land, away from my comfort zone, all I can sense in me is fear, homesickness and loneliness. So, what is the collateral beauty in this?

The presence of inner courage. The belief of common good and the faith that the Ultimate Being is omnipresent.

One should never deal with death coz, for all we know, it could also be a beginning of another life or another death.

One should never blame time coz, all it does is bridge life and death.

One should never say goodbye to love coz, we can never choose who or what to love, it chooses us and it's all around us.

We should all embrace life as it is, coz no matter how painful and tragic it can ever be, it will always be beautiful. Coz everything comes in pairs. For every tragedy, there is collateral beauty.

Just a Thought

Do you ever read something and feel like it's just for you? 
-Jim Preston (Passengers, 2016)

I just finished watching the movie today. Out of the blue, I decided to click on it, instead of my usual tv series episode on queue. And as usual, I cried before the movie ended. It's a love story that bloomed in the most unexpected place and time on a journey to a new life.

They were supposed to be asleep for the next 120 years until they reach their new planet, but something went wrong and a passenger, Jim Preston, was awaken 90 years before their expected time of landing. An android bartender kept him company. Until he had grown a crush on a fellow passenger and he had started prying on to her personal profile, growing more fond of her every single day until he decided to wake her up but kept it a secret. Being the only couple alive on the ship, they have no one else to go to but each other, they bonded and fell in love with each other. But of course, secrets are meant to be revealed, so one day, the android bartender, told her about it, which made her very mad coz, of course, that is not part of her plans. All along, she saw herself as a journalist who will be living in two futures. She planned to go back to earth after staying in Homestead II for a year. Making it another 120 years of travel back to earth. 

I'm not really a good storyteller, might as well just watch it on your own. LOL. What really struck me was the line of Jim when he started reading the write ups of Aurora. 

If ever you have been reading my blog, have you ever felt that it's just for you? Or in the future, should you visit this page, would you ever feel that it's for you?

Wrong Side of the Bed

I want to tell you about my day. About how I am feeling, how lonely it could be, how crazy my thoughts could go.

I want to tell you....

How I woke up at 7am but opted to stay curled in bed until I hear my stomach grumbled and eventually, I had to get up and fill up my tummy with whatever I have on the fridge that day.

How I tried to figure out how to hang dry all my washed clothes coz I included the beddings and towels.

How crazy the weather can change in here, it's sunny today, rainy tomorrow, sunny again for the next two days. Warm day, chilly evenings.

How I had delete my acount and uninstall Tinder on my phone. Apparently, I seem to have build enough connections for now.

How I have lots of chocolates on the fridge, but I opted to buy a very expensive slice of cheese cake, coz that's what I really want to eat. Matcha is for another stressful day.

How biking let me discover places and cities near me.

How I got a very cheap monthly mobile sim subscription without a contract.

How I wake up and wish to have your arms around me on this cold Monday morning.


So this is how I celebrated my first Valentine's day in Japan:

Woke up at 5am.
Walked to the bus station at 6:30
4-hr bus trip to Kumamoto for a "training"
Ate burger at the Freshness Burger
Completed the "training"
Walked around the Kumamoto Castle
Got lost somewhere in the Kumamoto Castle
Found my way back because people are so nice and helpful.
Finished reading After Dark by Haruki Murakami in the bus.
Walked my way home from the bus station.
Came home to a cold and silent apartment.

It's gonna be like this for the next days. Coming home to a very silent home and alone for most of the time.

Nothing new about that. Except for the cold weather.

This is just a stage.

Just like any dream, one day, some day, I won't feel alone anymore.

Pillow Over Flowers

Wherever I go, there will always be that one person who would tend to drain my energy at work or in life. To survive, I gotta fight that negativity. Sometimes, the resistance to the thought of the negativity could also be a reason to get drained.

Days are getting tougher and tougher. The almost laidback days at work are over and WORK is starting to speak for itself. With two training trips ahead, nine demo lessons on queue (5 already completed, so four more to go), days are becoming restless and restless at work.

Family and real friends just know when I need a little rescuing. Just an hour of phone call and then, everything seems to be put back in perspective again.

Younger sisters sending me single word messages out of the blue, telling me they miss me.

Papa, logging on to skype using my bro's account just to tell me he had opened a new account for my future remittances. But all along, I thought I was talking to my brother. LOL.

Then, that scheduled call from a friend from the other side of Japan. That's just how I am, I gotta schedule phone calls.

He reminded me of a few things to remember when boat starts shakin':

1. There will always be something better from where you are right now, coz that's human nature to be not contented. Nonetheless, don't ever miss to see the good things in whatever you have right now.

2. Do your work. Do it with love.

3. Goals. Always have goals. Always remember the "why" you chose to be here.

4. Stay away from things and people that drains your energy.

5. You know your weakness. Work on it. Build strength on it.

But this one is the best:

6. "Wag kang makinig sa kanya. Mas magaling ka sa kanya. Naniniwala ako sayo."

I'm probably missing home and the good people I used to surround myself with. All of a sudden, I forgot to be grateful. Good thing, they were there to remind me of it.

I am at a good place, the better one could wait for it's own time.

I think I would prefer a pillow to hug than flowers at this point in time. Eventually to be replaced by a real hug from my very own Mr. Sakto in the future.


Dear Future Boyfriend,

A-uno na naman ng Pebrero, 2017 na. Wala naman. Ini-inform lang kita.

My training trip ako sa Feb. 14 kaya busy ako.