Showing posts from September, 2019

I like it here.

“If it’s time to go, it is time to go.” I would always tell myself and even others. At the moment I am rooted in this busy sub-tropic, laidback city and I am trying to think of reasons why I am still here despite everything that is going on. For one, I chose to be here. I like it here. I love it here. For one, the people around me are always genuinely warm, generous and accepting or so I thought. I know that there will always be someone I can turn to whenever I feel like I need some help.  Another is the mission. I had put myself into a not-so-impossible mission of helping out my friends put up the school but I am not really sure if my efforts are being valid or if it is all gonna be worth it.  I have some feeling of being lost, yet I find comfort to be with good friends that I had come to know here and in solitude that it offers.  I'm still working on reasons giving concrete definitions, descriptions, persona about why I like this plac

For the meantime, this is life.

In my head, I had been wanting to write about so many things, people and thoughts. In my head, I have wrote all of them. I have posted about them. All in my head. The truth is, the two line above are the first two lines I will have posted and nothing about stories of: how I have been honest about being alone how I have fell in love to Miyazaki and it's making it hard for me to make decisions of leaving how I have managed to make new friends and appreciating them how much I miss home how much I miss my friends how much I miss intellectual discussion how I feel that feeling of not being able to move forward how I would describe that feeling of exhaustion from the day-to-day struggle of living and trying to make days purposeful and still feeling not enough.  Just so many and I am so thankful for the kids who hug me a lot lately. They would just come, showing they tiny arms spread on both sides, nodding their heads to call me and I just can't help but hu

OMG! _________________

365 QOTD OMG! _________________. OMG! I am still here and not trying to look for a new job. Am I crazy? *********** I would like to think that this is a sacrifice worth all the time, the money and the effort. They have so much of a big dream and I would like to be part of it. Plus, the kids.. The kids. They are always my reasons to stay. Drop Everything And Read. I did that today. I am just so happy to have gone across the words I needed to know and to remind me that I am still in a better state of understanding the situation. I miss home. I suddenly miss everyone. Which reminds me, I really should be working on my itinerary for the Manila homecoming soon. So many struggles to work on at schools but holding on to the vision of better days ahead. For now, I'll drop by my friend's bar to say hi and then I will grab some grocery and then shower and call it a day. I need to fold those clothes before anything else. Friday tomorrow. So help me God.

Scrambled Ramble.

I keep fidgeting. I can't focus. It is tough battle trying to fight these feelings. I keep trying to figure out what is wrong with me, but I just can't seem to figure out what has to be done so I can stay focused on tasks at hand. I am on the verge of compromising a project and I can't let that happen. I am typing this one out hoping that after this, I will be able to work on it and just keep going. I just wanna cry for a lot of reasons and I can't even think which one to think of first and so I can't even start to cry anymore. It is just all inside and now writing it all out because I need to let it out. I am drowning in sadness, loneliness and purposelessness. I should get back to writing the lesson guides. I am almost done with the second one. I had to hide my mobile phones, and still fighting the feelings of clicking on the shortcuts on my laptop to type the first letter, click on TAB and then press ENTER. I chose to just write it all down here but mayb

Does anyone owe you money?

365 QOTD Does anyone owe you money? What a question after a hiatus. I miss you my little space. Hmmm.. Not that I can remember. Maybe? I would rather be on the lending side of this spectrum rather than the one seeking for rescue. Been there and it was never a good feeling to be on the needing side. *********** Talking about time and a few weeks more to go for my homecoming in mid-October. I should really get to deeper readings for the upcoming exam but here I am, can't even get one of the lesson guides done. Having a hard time picking up that writing chakra flowing. Deep sigh. I just need to get it back. I need it badly. Today I got one task out of 10 accomplished. Forgive thyself and get a good sleep. Tomorrow is Tuesday, at least get done with 3 out of 10. Why not make it all of them when you can. Let's eye all of the 10. Good night, Kat.