Showing posts from August, 2018

Silent Scream

Empty. So empty. Rescue me please. My heart is bleeding. posted from Bloggeroid

What can you learn from today?

365 QOTD What can you learn from today? Life is good, no matter what. (This is my daily mantra.) But today, maybe…. I could learn that there is a time for almost everything that you prioritize. I was able to attend a yoga class and gyrokinesis class. Join friends for an event. Write the summary of drafts for the visual aids for the conference Pack my stuff for Tokyo business trip. Write this journal entry. ****** I know that I haven’t written in almost a week. Though I knew that there are many stories to tell about. I haven’t been sleeping well lately. There was this PH belief that if you can’t sleep, someone is thinking about you or talking about you. I wonder if that is true. LOL. And I hope, it is not some kind of unpaid debt or hate speech about me. I can only hope. Many things going on in life. My coach for the event in Thailand is just so amazing and she is Filipino by blood, born in the US, and I just can’t wait to meet

Stuck at 15.

So, I just finished watching the movie,  my friends' have been having a craze about on social media. To All the Boys I Loved Before. I never got to read this YA book before. Unlike how I used to binge-read on Nicholas Sparks novels and compared the stories in the movie. Totally different but both still moving and hopelessly romantic. The story is about a teenage girl who wrote letters she never meant to send. Addressed to boys she had huge crushes before with overwhelming levels of emotions. To pacify her emotions, she writes a letter addressed to the person, without the intention of letting them know about it. Of course, it's YA, they did have a happy ending. This movie made me realize that I am still stuck at 15. I am still at that moment in my life that I would rather choose to write about my fantasy of a having a boyfriend. That ideology that he is stuck in the future. But unlike the movie, I would wish my imaginary boyfriend to read my letters. Putting myself o

Self Talk.

He is just really that nice to everybody. Maybe. Meeting halfway was just an act of curiosity and coincidence. He doesn't like you  that much. It probably got even worse when he saw you in person.  His cyber presence during your distressed days were mere signs of empathy. He knew how it all felt and he is just trying to help by listening to your stories. His Good mornings and Good nights and random messages are just acts of kindness to that lonely soul of yours. It doesn't mean he remembered you when he woke up and thought of you before he went to bed. Nothing like that.  Notice that sometimes he is there, sometimes he isn't. When you tried to ask him about some personal questions you have openly shared about yours, he seem to haven't notice and wouldn't bother to answer.  He forgot your birthday. And he won't even tell his birthday to you.  That dream of travelling together is nothing but a dream.  For now, let him be. Most likely, h

Surprises After Surprises

My proposal was chosen. Birthday surprise and gifts from friends. A paid hotel booking for my first day in Bangkok next month. If I pass the JLPT N4 exam.... I just can't think of anything else I can ask for. I had always wanted the good things. The great choices and splendid moments. But I had learned to choose what is enough for the moment, what I have for the time being, which are.... having Godly parents kind and supportive siblings wonderful Lola, aunts, uncles and cousins cute little niece and nephew a good-paying job good grades for the Masters Degree Program amazing set of friends and many other simple things. Then, God would suddenly shower surprises. I should stop seeking things and chasing after people I will never get to keep up with nor, will they ever return the love I am willing to give. I pray for humility, contentment and the wisdom to always choose the good. I pray for strength in faith for His promises are true and boundless.

I wish I could.

Twenty minutes before it strikes 1am. I am still widely awake. So, how was your first day of being 32? It was nice. It was great. It was amazing. It was blessed. I didn’t get to chat with my parents but my siblings were able to remember. The heavy rains had been the reason that our home had been having one and off internet connection. My little brother even said sorry for his late greetings. I would have just hugged him. I need hug because I am so happy and thankful. I need hug because I don’t like the feeling of waiting for that someone who will never just gonna be there to celebrate with me on this day. I need hug coz I am giving up. At the back of this happy face is a lonely soul. A victim of romanticism and it is difficult to just come out of that whole idea of love and being complete. No matter how strong you try to restrain the tears and the sobs from coming out of the chest, it will just suddenly burst out. I try to be contented be

32 Hits

I think this year, my gifts aren’t in material forms and they aren’t all wrapped in pretty smiles and expected answers but also learnings. I got the confirmation that I will be presenting to my very first attendance to an Asia-Pacific level of conference in September. I am still shaking and in tears as I write this down. What a great news to start the first hour of my being 32. I was supposed to write down a list of things and realizations or a wishlist or a combination of that. I looked back to my 2014 wishlist and noticed that most of it are still in progress and this year, I am going to make it to Cambodia. Imagine that.. Almost 4 years in the making. But I am getting there. Hmm.. Maybe tonight, I will have a better chance of scribbling something more cheesy than this. Something more deep-thought and emotionally-driven as it has always been the reason why I write. Emotions. Deep, draining emotions I’m happy I have.