Life of a Kat

  Sa gitna ng ingay at gulo, bigla kang babalutin ng lungkot. Sa kaloob-looban, gugustuhin mong bumalik sa nakaraan, kahit na alam mo namang di yun mangyayari kahit kailan.  Sa gitna ng ingay at gulo, bigla kang makaka-alala, meron kang obligasyon sa ngayon. Sa kaibuturan ng puso, alam mong may mga dapat kang gawin, at walang ibang gagawa para sayo kaya naman pipiliin mong kumilos sa kabila ng bigat ng damdamin at kalungkutan.  Sa gitna ng ingay at gulo, bigla kang mapapatigil at mamapatanong sa sarili kung anong kinabukasan ang naghihintay sayo. Sa malawak na mundo at di mabilang na oportunidad, alam mong wala kahit isa doon ang ibibigay sayo ng walang kapalit na hirap at sakripisyo. Pagkatapos ng ilang saglit ng pagyakap sa lungkot, saglit na pagkabigo at kawalan ng kontrol sa mga pangyayari, pilitin mong bumangon, simulan ang paghakbang sa kung saan ka naroon ngayon, isa-isip at isa-puso ang mga pangarap. Wala mang kasiguruhan ang kinabukasan, alam mong ang pagpili nan...

Watched all the 7 Seasons of Workin' Moms on netflix with Season 6 being the one that resonated well with me.  I understand the attempt of the writers to make it a well-rounded show, being able to touch on almost all facets of motherhood. But I just dont't understand why the Asian representation was butchered and it made it feel like Asian single mothers, particular of that Filipinos was just bad.  At the end part of the final episode, the characters were asked about what personal attribute do they hope their kids would be able to get from them, and all of the characters except that of the Jenny, the Asian/Filipino representation didn't get to answer as if there can be nothing good out of her crazy character can be passed on to her daughter.  I feel so bad about Jenny as a Filipino because I have never met a Filipino single mom that is like her, at least of on my circle of crazy millennial friends.  Filipinos are among the selfless human beings one can ever meet that...

Can you believe it? January is almost done!!! The year of the Horse is living up to expectations of it being fast and just unbelievably fast.  As I slowly prepare to get back to the workforce, I can't help but just think about how much I am going to miss the days with just me and my baby.  She is also getting heavier day by day and so, I am trying my best to be able to exercise and make sure that I also practice proper posture of bending and lifting her up to avoid muscle pains and stress. Every single detail counts.  With that, I would like to think that I am someone who really takes time to exercise even the bare minimum, instead of being zero every day. I have been doing squats and bends, and planning to add 10 push ups every day.  Grad school is going well. I am also anticipating being labeled incomplete on one of my subjects and so I know that I would have to work on that soon.  I already paid my final invoice for 2025 tax and I know that I have to work on ...

Almost halfway through in the first month of the year.  Our little Hiraya is hitting her 3rd month of making our lives a rollercoaster ride with giggles and just love at every end of the ride.  One day she was a very tiny living thing that can fit into a shoebox, now she is still a tiny human being that had occupied so much of my heart and my daily life.  This new life is overwhelming and really in need of constant attention and care 24/7.  I dreamt of this, but didn't get to see the reality of it until it came.  In all of it, it is an honor to be given a child, to be given a responsibility for another human from birth until who knows when.  Right now, this bundle of joy loves to be cuddled every time, has a radar when mama leaves her side while she is sleeping.  She is also a great crier with sound overpowering the sound of the shower.  She has that smile that melts my heart everytime.  She has that tiny body that I love to embrace.  I ...

Today, we sent off my younger sister on her way to go back home to the Philippines. She spent a few days traveling with friends in Tokyo and Osaka and decided to cap off her first Japan trip to visit me and meet her little niece, Aya. Well, I still was never able to make her change her diapers. She just bought her diapers. LOL.  Even until today, I am still on that level of thinking of engineering smallness and that everything is something that I thought I wouldn't be able to make or reach or achieve.  Having my sister come here seemed to have been an impossible thing to happen. For so long, I dreamed of having my family come over here, not just stay for a short time, but I dream to take them for a tour, make them live here, enjoy life like a local. For now, it is just my sister who can afford it.  I keep telling myself, I just need to keep my parents healthy and happy until we can make all these plans possible.  I still dream to be more involved in academic work. I ...

I had been looking forward to writing. In my head, I have been writing, only that they haven't been typed or written, literally. Our baby, Hiraya, is now a month-old and I couldn't be more grateful that we were able to thread what seemed to be felt like forever and as another moment of firsts, and this time, with a tiny life involved, every moment felt fragile and fearful that I might risk the little life entrusted to me.  The past few weeks taught me and continually teaching me about dependence and seeking help. To be in entirely on the receiving end of it is somewhat new to me.  Having no steady income of my own for the past few months, not being able to drive myself to places, controlling myself not to spend so much, it was hard to think of. As days go by, I learn to trust more and more. A great shoutout to my husband for being so patient and reliable as ever. There were days that weren't perfect, but we held onto each other. Not being able to hug him long enough during ...