What is happening to me?

 What can I do when someone just occupies my mind 24/7 though I don't know if that person feels that same for me? It is so uncomfortable and I lost so much focus, I am restless, I am not doing an effecient job. I wake up in the middle of the night and I want all these feelings to stop!  It had been happening for quite awhile now and there are days that I am fine with it, there are days like that I just can't seem to do anything else but that and I can't focus on anything else.  I am sorry self. I know you dont deserve this kind of feelings. As I move back to the study mode, things will be a little bit better and you will forget about that person in no time.  So help me, God. 

Back Tans

  This had been my back since it had healed from sunburn a few days back πŸ˜‚. Summer of 2021, you have been a hellalots of fun! 

TM Dreams

 I wish to have a Ted Mosby in my life.  Not that I wanna be the mother. 

Today that had been.

I was already awake when family called me this morning. I was on that bad habit of reading early in the morning but of course, I had to answer the family. That was around quarter to 7am. Come 9AM, I was still in bed... Reading. Then come this chat message from Kuya. He said he is feeling better and getting ready for chemo. It made my heart jump and utter as many thanks to the Lord. Then more talk with my cousin from OZ and I decided to get up and go on with life.  I took a shower. Cleaned up a bit. Logged in for the Sunday Service.  Well, I actually left the house a total mess as I decided to do the Zoom call in a Starbucks for more stable internet connection. It was nice. I saw a few people I know by face but I wasnt able to have chitchat with coz I was busy and I was happy to be busy and no need to talk to these people at all. LOL.  Forever grateful to that forum group that had been able to take time to talk to them.  Then another Google Meet sesh which I am still contemplating to ta

Hugs or Ice cream?

There are times that I wish things were different, that I am a different person. That I am holding a different passport, that of with lesser restrictions, vast privileges and just more opportunities just because... I am that person.  But after a few deep breathes, I slowly accept the truth that I am in at the moment and how I have been obviously thriving as an individual and a member of the community--family, career, finances, service. Or so I hope I am contributing well.  I am at that time of the month when I wish I am a plant. But I actually have no idea what kind of pains the plants have to go through as they go through the process of growth. So, I probably am still at a good palce of being me and where I am at the moment.  I probably am just needing some warm hugs at the moment, or a big bucket of ice cream?

Today, an aunt passed away.

Morning went fine until I got a message from my sister saying that an aunt passed away just today. I don't have grown up memories with her but I knew that during my formative years, my family spent a very good amount of time with her and her family as well. My mama and her grew up together and my papa seem to be also close to her. We don't know the full details yet as for sure the immediate family is trying to still figure out what just happened and everything else that goes with it. She has an only daughter that is presently living in Australia and would be needing a special permit to be able to go out of the country to attend to her funeral. It usually takes a month for those kind of permits to process. What are the chances.  I dont know how to feel. It completely breaks my heart. Not for myself but for these people whom I know are hurting more than I can feel and I can't do anything else.  I also tried to make a conversation with my youngest sister about how she is feeli

Slowly getting back into focus

 Today, I tried to submit my research proposal only to be told I need to make it a bit further shorter, 5-6 pages. After all, it is still a proposal. I am having a hard time curating a Scope and Delimitation section. Obviously, an evidence of me being out of focus and still not in the flow.  On the other side, I am excited to embark on this final subject for this academic endeavour as I am excited to learn more things and be more helpful for others. I hope.  ***** Kuya's condition today hasn't gotten any bit better. He is still at 40 degrees with fever and the doctors are changing his medications coz of some internal infections that had popped up since he started his chemotherapy. The only message I got from him today was a "Salamat." from a voice message I sent last night. He told me that he had started losing hair and I told him that he is still handsome nonetheless and it is just a setback and it will grow back once he completes his sessions and be healed.  Tomorro