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Showing posts from 2021

Summery in Spring

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I don't know but I really love wearing long, flowy and airy dresses.  After a 2-hour long drive this morning from work, I met with my friend for lunch and walked in the park.  She is moving to live alone in another prefecture for work. Exciting times ahead of her. She will be fine.  As for me, I will be fine as well. Always am.   

A Manifest- Draft version

 They said that for your desires to come true, you manifest it to the universe and it shall be given.  This is a rush manifestation as I am so sleepy right now and need to take that afternoon nap after a 2-hour drive from Miyazaki to Kagoshima. ******************* My wish is simple: For that romantic love to find me.  We probably are friends or maybe friends that had fallen apart for awhile and then reconnected.  He must be taller than me, with a face that is pleasing to look at, cute smile, hugs warmly, broad chest for comfort.  He is someone who dearly loves his mother or any women in his family. Respects his father and the old men. Playful with the youth and brave like an innocent child.  I may have come across you already, or maybe not yet, my only prayer is that you show yourself..... be that brave soul to let me know that there is such thing as love that had grown over friendship,  and trust that blooms over a space and time woven in friendship.  Kisses and hugs and intimacy foun

In Between

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Looks like I am standing in between two phallic structures.  Glad that I dropped my to do list today for something spontaneous today.  I had always wanted to go to this place and my co-worker drove us to Sun Messe today! 

I have faith that ________________________

 365 QOTD  I have faith that........  ... that I can achieve my goals if I work on them,           I can attract that one high quality partner as I accept to myself that I am enough.            I am where I am supposed to be at the moment and that I will flow to the direction with grace and gratitude.  ******************* I haven't touched on my paper yet today but I was able to make pancakes as I have planned them on my bedtime last night. Will be touching on my Anchor podcast with a series of changes just to encourage myself to keep on reflecting and having 3-10 minutes moment to myself to think out loud.  365 QOTD will be adding another derivate style with my audio voice as its main source and my life as its main content.  Today, I thought of going to the beach for a good run, but I am not sure if I want to because I am having headaches. It was actually quite frequent recently, not necessarily intense but still something that can make me a bit uncomfy.  Will have 2 classes today

What is your favorite TV show?

 365 QOTD  What your favorite TV show?  I don't think I have a "favorite" but if I have to choose, it will most likely be Game of Thrones. Despite its veering much away from the books, I find every line and persona in the story strong and relevant in different ways. And they are coming up with an anniversary episode on HBO! I am excited!!!! <3  *********************** Midweek Hump  It's 9:58 in the morning and I was able to write 2 paragraphs for my thesis proposal!  I am waiting for a delivery but apparently I missed specifying what time they should come, so I probably have to just go and buy my groceries now instead of waiting for no one to come. Coz I thought of doing that after receiving the delivery. Today, I thought I wont bring my car, but I probably have to because I need to do stuff before going to work.  Of course, I can't wait for payday! HAHAHA. 

Solo at the gym

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I will miss going to the gym but I am also excited as to how yoga will make my life and my being a bit better. So, you see, there are still a lot of unwanted fats all over my body, my arms are still big and fluffy, but it had been a great journey to keep my body moving and sweating and "healthy" at these trying times. Every now and then, it is still hard to push myself to get moving and going, but that decision in 2019 to join the gym was such a great investment I had put on myself and will keep on investing on my health and being as much as I can, as long as I can.   

What did you forget?

 365 QOTD  What did you forget? Hmm... I have been forgetting that I have to check on my finances. Either I am really "forgetting" or I am intentionally putting it on the side as I entertain counter productive activities and thoughts. But after this, I am opening up my planner, the tabs needed and my expense list. I had been splurging. A lot of splurging. So much that I need to slow down and take a step back to make sure that I have enough money saved up for future expenses such as the city tax and vehicle tax that is coming up soon. 

I made it!

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So lazy on a Monday and PMS-ing also and you have no idea how much of a struggle that is if you do not have a vagina...  Grateful for finding a friend in V whose words are just always full of positivity and push to do what needs to be done. Eventhough we both know that we may not really be applying the same words to ourselves most of the time. Hahaha.  Monday, you have been crazy.. from waking up, to the lunch decisions to be made, the clinic check up and prescription, the work is pretty chill at 2 hours, then that big push to do a 27-minute workout that made me sweat and just makes me wish I brought stuff for shower.  But I am going home and excited to get cleaned up and be in bed. Tomorrow is another day to make up for the lost tasks for Tuesday.  Monday, you had already been a stretch. Know that it is red alert week, so please tell the rest of the week to be kind to me. 

Friday Stretch

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I haven't had good workout days in March for reasons I don't know. This will be my last month with the gym probably until Autumn. Don't know yet. But I am making the best out of all the time I got. I am excited to grow tan and dark and slimmer coz I will be doing more guided yoga practice and surfing lessons. Yes oh yes! Archery kits on the way, one for practice, one for long term use. The farm will have a good use of it when I take back to PH with me if I don't sell it here.  So, here is Friday going so far. After this, the phone will be buried down into the bag, the work notes will be pulled up and I am gonna do work. 

_____________ make me happy.

 365 QOTD  ___________ makes me happy.  Easy! LOVE makes me happy.  The love for life, for people, for dreams and just for everything this life has to offer-- the pain, the learnings and the warm embrace.  I have been thinking about the word MANIFEST. I think I should write about my love and my manifestations for a partner. I cannot deny the power of writing in manifesting. For every dream and goal and where I am at right now, I have written about it. I have manifested it in words and eventually, they came true.  There is power in praying, writing and reflecting.  *********** Let's see how's Friday going.  I woke up before the alarm but bad habit of scrolling on the phone while in bed occurred and I almost had gone to another sleep cycle if I only had not gotten up as soon as the alarm rang! A bit of scrolling and I was able to let go of my phone and then made a pot of coffee and quick breakfast. Played the piano for a bit, I am amazed how I am slowly getting the hang of it. I

Run and Swim. Repeat

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It is a Thursday and the gym is closed so I decided to go for a morning run and swim at the nearby clubhouse. I thought of reading a book by the park thereafter but I forgot my body essentials so I decided to just go home instead and take a nap before I drove to work. I havent touched my academic paper in any way at all today. But maybe I   will browse on it before I go to bed.  Next time, I intend to do yoga by the pond. I think that would be nice. 

Live in the now.

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Do you have any regrets today?

 365 QOTD  Do you have any regrets today? Hmm.. Good question as always. It is 9:26 AM as of this writing and the only regret I have is that the moment my phone alarmed, I grabbed it and went back to bed to check it until past 8AM. I did that so I can search for a photo to post for my sister's birthday today. I know I can just greet her, but I know that she is worth the world's shout-out to be one of the most amazing person in the world out there. At least for my own little world. She is so amazing! I can go on for a list, and yet, she will always be more than the words I can think of.  ********** As soon as I got up from bed, I load up my laundry, made coffee, warmed up food and grabbed my laptop to resume editing some documents for our island school. Jhe always just blows my mind how she pulls off everything good and surpass every thing bad that happens in that school. For me, I seem to enjoy being on the background. But every now and then, it feels great to be in the spotlig

When is your next major deadline?

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365 QOTD  When is your next major deadline? What is it for?  April 30 for the second draft of the School Manual for our NGO school  May 31 for the research proposal paper.  **************** Monday actually started a bit calmer. With a private English class, then a trip to Darumizu Park with a co-worker. We tried to fly my drone but it had been so windy, it didnt get to go far and high.  A quick inventory trip to the secondhand shop for appliance and housewares as N is deciding to move to a cheaper apartment.  I shopped for a few intimates but failed to get what I really need to buy in the first place. Took a sit at a cafe for a bit and then went shopping for care package.  I had an incident at the parking lot again. I hit another post but it isnt as bad as the first one but of course, the scratches are very obvious. Well, pains of learning I suppose. It has to go here because I haven't told anybody about it. Not even the person who helped me out figure how to fix my lamp. Yeah, I t

Happy Wednesday, self.

 I am waiting for the printing completion of my resume for a perspective client as a private student. I just realized that working on stuff like this one is something that excites me. Having a space for thinking, for curating, for designing learning plans for people is a thing I enjoy so much. As much as I love writing, helping people find their way of learning is a meaningful thing to do.  I actually have been doing it for years. I don't know why I stopped. I lost myself in the process. Deciding to drop the social media access for awhile really helped me a lot. Getting up in the morning without pressing the snooze button did the trick. I get to have productive mornings and well-thought off tasks for the days.  Just wanting to take note of my personal progress in here and when I read back on it, I could remind myself of the possibilities.  Now, getting back on the game.  Happy Wednesday, self. 

Day 1 of 60.

Random Thoughts.  Out of the blue last night, I just thought of abstaining from social media. I was writing a caption for the day's feel-good photo taken from Saitobaru, as my two friends and I had gone for Hanami. It wasn't part of my day's plan but it all had gone well, despite that minor accident at the parking lot of an Indian restaurant where we had dinner.  So today, Day 1 of 60 days abstention from posting in FB and IG is almost coming to an end. I had to re-activate my Facebook because it was tied up to my Mercari account and I wanted to buy this book. I still have moments of checking my IG for likes and comments but haven't opened my inbox in there at all just yet. I guess, tiny steps, right? I have both uninstalled from my phone. It would take several steps to get logged back in. Making it a bit difficult and annoying, kinda helps to stay away from it.  I also had been able to just start a random conversation with my siblings. I haven't told them about the

I hit another car.

 We ended up a nice dinner and I was really having a good time with the new friends I have made courtesy of V. We were planning of going to a coffee shop we all love going to but I haven't been there in a while as well.  I knew I am gonna have a hard time exiting the parking space. I was taking my time. I forgot to release the handbrake coz the car didn't move as I step onto the accelerator. So, I moved my hand to release the handbrake, forgetting that I was stepping on the accelerator instead of the footbrake, the car just moved quickly, my right side mirror hitting the next car's right side mirror and my right front wheel, scratching the driver's door side. It was really bad. I couldn't believe what just happened and what I just did right there.  I was so lost and I know I had to talk to the owner of the car. One of the new friends I made today, Y, was Japanese and offered to interpret for me and the other person, he called the police too. V never left my side and

Chronic Snooze Button Tapper Syndrome

 I have been having this sickness for months now and it is killing me and my dreams. I know it is and I acknowledge it but I honestly am not really making real moves to cure it. I haven't been doing any deep work nor work itself at all. I feel like a zombie coming and going my daily chores, like a robot programmed to move and accomplish tasks but not necessarily be expected to feel any feeling of accomplishment with that.  I am just trying to get by.  I know what to do but I am not doing it. I know how I want to organize my thoughts but I lack the energy to do so. I keep wanting to just sleep. I want sunlight but I would rather spend time inside my little home. I need to be out there, I need to be in the zone.  I have to pick up myself again and again. Then take small steps forward. I, myself are doubting the smalls steps I take everyday, I know in my heart that it is way better than just binge-watching at home. Reading the news, instead of scrolling the social media, taking time t

Tuesday.

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Happy Tuesday it had been. Still a lot to do but a few things done today. Now, time to pack my stuff and go back to Miyazaki City tomorrow morning. Braving the long roads and speedy wheels again, this time, first time going home. Blue had been so reliable and light to handle and I couldn't be more grateful for having it with me.  I have been eating non-stop and yet thinking of giving up my gym membership and go into a cheaper venture of keeping myself fit and healthy. Because honestly, the amount I pay for the gym has been too pricey and just not worth it anymore as I get to travel more and more now.  Something to think about for the next few days and I have to let them know also before the 10th of the month just so I can get my schedule and budget all aligned again. 

Weekend Fun.

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I haven't been getting the fun that I wished for. But the recent volunteer program I joined had been loaded with unexpected fun, realizations and new circle of connections for friendships and goals.  The only challenge was that I had my first day of period and I came a little bit slightly anticipating it so, I had the pads with me. Also I thought that the mood swings will flare up but I was just able manage it all, put things into witty lines and just go with the flow.  I haven't gotten the fun I wish, but I got that request to be away for a bit, off with the usual and do something around happy little kids, awesome adults and big goals.  I am grateful. 

Scratches, Bumps and Shocks

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 For the next .... I dont know period, the stories will be my development on learning how to drive and most likely the damages I have caused on Blue as I progress.  Today, I had under steered my right turn and hit the dividing wooden walls of the exit passage of the parking lot. I have been liking to go to this a bit secluded gym and I can go straight to the onsen as well. I had severely damaged the lower left bumper and totally scratched it. It really looks so bad at first but eventually, it was okay. But it wasn't really okay. It will be there as a constant reminder of my first mistakes as I become better. Much as I want to claim for collision costs, as advised by my friends who are long-term car owners, that I wait for until a time that I get a better car-detailing package deal to update Blue. For now, until I can afford it, I just need to keep learning behind the wheel.  Good thing that I was able to get a footage of Blue this morning with its front still intact and shiny.  I h

List 3 things that you have faith in.

365 QOTD   List 3 things that you have faith in...  That I have the wisdom and willpower to pick up where I left off with my #RoadtoMasters goal. That there is such a friend and life partner and lover all in one person reserved for me in this lifetime.  In due time. Everything in its own, perfect time. 

First-time owner pains

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It is my first time to own a car and I have been making scratches here and there. It felt like I scratch also got scraped into my own skin and it pains me to realize that it is still there.  It could be my fault or somebody else's fault. But I think I would know if its my fault, right?  Yesterday, the door mirror on the left side got broken. It got hit an pole while I am reversing for parking. I cry. I bought a replacement in amazon and hopefully that would take care of it. I am afraid to take it longer trips with higher speed at it might disintegrate and cause more damage not just to me but to others as well.  I cna only wish I get better with driving and all the matters involved with owning a car, but I know it will take time. I am totally grateful for the comforts I am experiencing right now and I hope not to be afraid to move out of this comfort zone when the time comes asking for such in order to grow.  Learning has its price. With this experience, I am paying the price of see

Are you happy?

 365 QOTD  Are you happy?  I thought of answering a QOTD because I felt that I haven't done it in awhile, and I never thought I would get this question today. As soon as I read it, my eyes became a bit of clouded ready for tears, but I was able to stop and just focus on writing this.  The first thing that came to me was.... I am not sure if I am happy, but I know that I am grateful. Grateful for every bit of what I have.  It is a rainy day and I am grateful for having a car now that is able to take me to places and let me do my tasks. I am still struggling with parking but I am getting by and hopefully never will I scratch another person's car. For that, I am happy.  I am grateful for having the willpower to get back to writing. A few minutes ago, I wrote a few sentences that turned into shirt paragraphs for my Chapter 1. For that, I am happy. Tiny steps.  I am grateful that my family is still okay but I am a little worried as there would be an anticipated demolition and my par

Tiny Step on a Thursday

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Around 2pm today, I drove to the library, thinking that I should get started back with my research proposal writing. I did. But it wasn't that long. It was probably around 40 minutes filled with distractions in between. But still I was able to sort of "re-organize" and set an outline for the Chapter 2 of the paper. Progress, I would like to consider it as such. Then, one of these days, I would need to buckle up and whip up myself into motion. Kindness cannot always be gentle in the scene itself. But it would always be aimed to have good if not better results for the goals established.  After that, I went to work. My second class of 3 classes was a bit of frustrating but managed it in the end. Hayst. I can't think of ways to make it better. It has been half a year and I am still struggling with that bunch.  I went home and had korean spicy ramen for dinner. I was lazy to go to the grocery. Been on the phone for several conversations, mainly asking for tech support. App

May The Force Be With You

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I didn't realize that the final minutes of the 16th Chapter would be that sentimental and warm.  Mando: I'll see you again. I promise.  He took of his helmet and let Little Grogu see his face and touch it like how you'd touch someone with so much affection.  I was just crying the entire time. For one, maybe because I have so much pent up emotions as well that needs letting out  I wanna have a vynil Grogu that I can put in my car. His presence reminds of being a child at 34. He is 50 and still considered a child that needs training to master skills and talent. Next to my Reading Hello Kitty vinyl, it will be nice to be reminded that the force will always be with me.  In this trying times as I slowly re-align my feelings as new changes are to come, I can't help but still be grateful.  Image Source: Google Images 

Boyfriend Material.

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I introduced Blue to family as my Boyfriend. Haha. 

Blue is here!

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It is here now! I couldn't be more excited to gain more driving hours and confidence to go longer miles!  Being left behind by the bus was probably brought up a lot of exhaustion yesterday and so today's proper change of documents, transition of name and the delivery of the car itself at the parking lot and me picking up the key from my front door after work was just a feeling to keep. I am so happy and grateful that finally it is here. It is mine.  Which means I have to work hard, drive safe and be more mindful.  Thank You Lord. Use me and Blue to be living witnesses and testimony of Your Eternal Faithfulness to those who believe and live in Your Promises. 

Hump Wednesday.

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This was me on a Tuesday. Just so happy to be outside and be lit with sunshine at a park close to my workplace. I was just so happy and calm and relaxed. Then today is Wednesday. It isn't called Hump Wednesday for nothing. Today started quite calm and slow. I opted to take the 2nd bus of the day only to experience for the bus not stopping at my bus stop. It was the first time it happened and I am pissed and mad and unforgiving both on myself and that driver. How on earth won't it not stop on that bus stop where eversince I started working in Kanoya has always been where I would get off and get on for a commute. It was unbelievable. I know I should have it past my senses now but I just feel so tired, drained and unsatisfied about how my day had gone. Also, I was with Nika who was on day off today and I felt like I robbed her off a part of her day because we missed that trip.  It is 21:22 as I am writing this, in 21 minutes the speed train will take me back to Miyazaki and I cant

Piano is here!

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  This secondhand Korg SP 170S is a superduper greatfind I had from Mercari Japan.  I honestly have no idea how long til I let go of it and I hope I would never want to. It had been making me realize a few things about how to deal with learning, and a variety of instruments to accompany my fondness for singing specially when I'm so tired and just wanna roll on the floor.  But here it is! 😜

I need to get back to intentional writing.

I suppose one would always have those slow days.  Today is quite an unusual for me waking up so heavy, still sleepy and just not wanting to move. That was how most of the past few days were spent.  I wake up, eat, go back to bed, scroll on my phone, sleep again, wake up, find something to eat, drink coffee, go to work, go back to the hotel, eat, binge on Bridgerton and then sleep.  I tried to study, and I was able to get through one abstract reading and that's it.  When I came back to my home, I cleaned up, cooked lunch, cleaned up more, waited for the deliveries to arrive and went to the gym. I was so excited to re-read Tao of Pooh that even while doing my cardio exercises, I was reading. And I'm just smiling at every line that reminds me of why I love Pooh, Thursdays and simplemindedness. It reminded me that it is okay to not know many things, not being able to answer many whys and that if ever you know something, it is better if it has a purpose for the common good.  I finis

Monday Blues

It is 10:32pm as I start typing this out and it felt like Monday just swept away time just like that.  In the morning, I woke up before the alarm but waited for a couple of snoozes before I really got up from bed to start my day.  I have been working on a lot of cleaning up, clearing spaces and moving stuff here and there. I feel like I want the entire space I am in to breathe. For the air to just keep flowing and for all the natural light be able to come in. For my whole body be able to move around the house smoothly.  The weather is slowly getting warmer. I had put the heater back in its box and in my brain, I am scheduling the packing of the winter clothes and choosing on the spring/summer wardrobe from what I already have. The rest would either have to go or be thrown. I intend to just keep a few winter clothes as I still enjoy shopping at the secondhand shops for seasonal clothes.  Today's routine was kept as it is. Reading and writing in the morning, breakfast

Fitness Journey Proof of Life

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Bashers, pasok! Charot! Hahahaha!  Posting it here for journaling purposes. Looking how far I have gone in terms of health, fitness struggles and that pride .... I worked hard for this body! Still a long way to go with overall aesthetic beauty, little by little. Ageing graceful and beautiful, at least. πŸ€ͺ

What did you buy today?

 Feb 6 If you could do over today, would you change anything? --- hmm.. I hope that as soon as the alarm rings, I get up and not had to hit he snooze button a few times and lose precious minutes scrolling.  Feb 7 Name a person you didn't have to deal with today? -- well, every day, I hope I don't have a chance to deal with flaky and stressful people.  Feb 8 What is the largest TV screen in your house? -- I don't have TV at all. But I do wish I have a big screen where I can do a dual monitor set up.  Feb 9 What did you go to bed last night? I usually am on bedtime around 11:30PM and I have been consistent in reading chapters from 1Q84. Chapter 22 as of now. It is a trilogy book. I think I'm still on Book 1.  Feb 10 What did you buy today? -none yet as of this hour: 9:34AM, but I will be going to the gym in a few minutes, flipping tasks for the day. So, as soon as I get home, I will take a bit of rest, shower then do the desk work before leaving for work around 3:45PM. Te

On a scale of 1-10, how is your health?

 Feb 2 The most expensive bill I paid last month was ___________. - the electric bill! It was worth ¥7000~something. Crazy but I think because I had been home for most of the late December days and been using the home appliances, back to back.  ******************* Feb 3 What's the last thing you apologized for? - for being absent for the past 2 online sessions for the leadership course I signed up in a uni in NZ.  ****************** Feb 4 My favorite color is ______. - my favorite color is white. It is so simple and you know that if its there, it is a combination of all the colors!  ****************** Feb 5 On a scale of 1-10, how is your health? Very good question.  Physical health is probably at 7. With my dental maintenance check up screaming to be done ASAP. I have been loving the constant but not so constant physical workouts I do at the gym. And slowly gearing towards weight-lifting for weight loss and tone up shape. Still a long way to go, a lot of slips in between sessions,

Bigger and bigger goals.

My big goal that's why I chose to work abroad is to buy a house and lot for my family. Four years in here and not a part of it had materialized at all and a part of me is disappointed about myself and the decisions I had made in the past. The other part of me is, of course, trying to comfort me , saying that it isn't entirely my fault. I have a father, two older brothers whom should have done something ahead of me. Yet, I don't know.  My mom has been worrying about the upcoming threats of our place being demolished and we will be left with nowhere to go. We have just started to invest on a lot in Antipolo but that will be too far for my younger brother and sisters who are working in the city center offices. We don't have any house built in place to shelter them should the demolition really happen. I hope it never come to that point.  I told myself that after this car purchase, I should focus on that acquisition of a house for my mom and dad, then I will feel really acco

What is a favorite piece of art that you own?

365 QOTD What is a favorite piece of art that you own? I am not really a collector of anything fancy. I am moving towards having items that are functional, space-saving and easy-to-dispose if ever.  But let's see what I got... on my wall hang... my UP grad photo, a frame of paper bills from different countries (aren't a lot just yet), a wall full of frames of quotes that I find motivating and encouraging. Anything artsy, fartsy, I am not the person to ask. HAHAHA.  ********************* It is so hard to keep back on track with academic readings, writings and deliverables. I have trying to start, I would be able to keep it for at least three days then I will fall off the track again. I will get lost for the next days and then I will try to go back to it then I will lose it again and again.  And here I am, writing about it. Keeping things into its "normal" state at this moment is just hard. Even completing this very entry itself is a struggle.  Today, I was able to acco

Many many moons ago...

Many many moons ago when I was still crazy about dating apps, romantic love and finding the one, I met someone and he sent me this.... (this was just part of a very long message that I had received)  [Something I wanted to say about the "complete girlfriend" package. I understand you don't just hook up with random guys.. I really like you for who you are, and you also said you like me too. It wouldn't just be a hookup...it would be more than that. 2 people that enjoy each other this much, I'm sure it would be phenomenal to see how things go with that. When you told me today that you really like me, my heart melted. I haven't felt like that before. Idk what it is about you, but I'm really attracted to who you are as a person. I feel like I would actually do a long distance relationship with you. I know that would be hard, but that's just something I was thinking about.]  But we didn't end up in any Long Distance Relationship as he would have said. A

Keeping a Journal

I have currently listening to The Five Major Pieces of the Life Puzzle and one of its strong recommendation is to keep a journal.  I always wish I can write more. Honestly, I wish I would be more brave to write whatever I feel like and I think. Most of the time, I am afraid to speak out my mind, other times, I am lazy or give it no time.  A lot of things are running in my head, most of the time, I feel like they are poetic and then, I let the words pass by and forgotten after stirring the feelings at that very moment.  The things is... I need to write more. I have to write more.  I can write more.  I do not need to be good at it. I just need to be able to convey the thoughts into words for its specific purpose.... be it for emo-shit, unloading, declaring or simply giving a #$&% about something or someone I care about, or sharing the hurt feelings and disappointment.  Best part had been writing about goals! It is overwhelming to randomly look back on the days and read about how I ju

Libraries and Shelves

 I woke up very early this morning and suddenly had some nostalgic feelings about libraries and doing research in a library.  I miss getting lost in the allies of the library, feeling dizzy about the Dewey Decimal System and matching it with the titles of the books. From categories, down to numbers and then the famous decimal number to narrow down the search.  I miss the silence of the library scene as a mandate of the place to the people who chose to be there.  I survived research and thesis requirement back then to think about how tedious and manual laborious it had been, and here I am right now, just when everything can be at your fingertips and I am lost and most of the time lazy to do it.  I blame the weather. It is so hard to get up in the freezing cold winter days. A few more weeks and I will ran out of excuses and I should be able to pick up on the writing task. 

an open letter to a friendship that is taking a break.

 I was asked if I were sad about what happened to me my so-called "friend"...  I was totally sad and disappointed. At the very end of it all, he should have just given me time to be quiet and just let the feelings of hurt and pain die down. Instead, he got angry at me for not speaking up.  I was quiet because I don't wanna ruin his somewhat happy state of being, finding new love and always out and about to do fun stuff. Who am I to ruin someone's happy mood? After all, I am able to manage the feeling, rationalizing my actions, knowing that I was at fault as well in many ways. Thus, there was no right way for me to demand for attention nor correction of his actions.  I just couldn't stop being hurt by the series of events that happened then.  I didn't imagine I will be spending that entire day with someone I had been trying to avoid growing feelings for. But I was thankful that he took me in his arms, put to words the feelings of depression I had been trying to

On Break.

 It is quite a sad day today.  But all is well that ends well. I know that our friendship hasn't come to an end but it just somewhat taking a break from afar. What's important is that I know he is well and happy and the moment. My absence won't matter.  He has always been a great value to my life and I will surely miss how things were. But we all have to grow, think deeper and realize the people that really matter to us.  One day, some day, we will be talking about this sh!t over coffee and laugh about it. 

Daily Tasks

Penning down today's tasks and goals:   1. I need to embed, upload, insert and re-arrange the contents of the website for my subject in grad school.  2. I need to slowly edit the videos to be embedded in the website.  3. I have to slowly edit the podcast due for posting on the 17th.  4. I need to send invite to Ryan Bestre for the next podcast due to post on Jan 31. 5. I need to print the papers for the parking certificate. 6. I need to send email to my forum group members for scheduling of the first meeting.  7. I still have laundry to hang to dry and others to fold for keeping.  I think that is it for now?  I still have rice to cook, meal to prep, and buy coffee.  I should now forgot that I have to go to work at 4pm. LOL. Ready to get away in the gym for now. Working the abs and glutes today.  Apparently, I have many things to do but for sure they are dodable. Have a great midweek, Kat :) 

Going back to it soon!

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Feeling Friday on a Monday... Browsin' through Archives and saw this. Taken in July 2018. I totally miss being in the water, pretending I know how to at least stand on a longboard, riding the waves. Stand Up Paddle is definitely calming for a lot of reasons. And those days of yoga for strength, destressing and meditation.  Manifesting to the universe again and again that I need my calm, healthy and productive days again and again. 

Specific Material Things

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 It has been said that if you desire for something, you have to express that certain desire and for it to be achieved, you have to be specific.  This year, there are only 3 material things I will work hard for:  1. A car 2. A piano 3. A paraglider  It took almost 16 years for my driver's license and "real" driving opportunity to come into me. Let's see about these 3 things for 2021.  Tomorrow, my friend and I will go to a car dealer to check on used cars. One thing after another, blessings after blessings and I pray that as I get to be comfortable, may I always be safe and be able to use my time more wisely and productively for others as I had initially prayed for. 

Breakfast and pages.

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This is a habit I am trying to build up again and again.  Mornings are for reflections, as what to do for the day and of course, that brewed coffee. Reading for meaning and pleasure. Last night, I started reading No Filter, the story behind Instagram and it is interesting. I probably write about it on a separate post.  So, what am I going to do today?  - go to the LM office to resume work on my LLE 280 deadline - recalibrate finances - browse on cars if I can - reconnect with Jerlyn for more training projects for teachers - go to the gym :)  Let's see how that works today. 

Flow in 2021

I am writing this while I am on the passenger seat of a car. I asked my friend to drive me down to a beach.  Nervous Breakdown came in so early as today, 1st of January and I can't stop crying. It is the first time someone saw me on this state and it is embarrassing in many ways. I can't explain why I am crying aside from the idea that I am crying coz I am frustrated coz I can't stop crying.  But who cares. I decided not to write the triggers for today's emotional stress for the sake of letting go and starting with the meaning of FLOW for the year.  I am frustrated coz I feel so alone whole trying so hard to please other people and still be left behind and alone for something else.  I have put off personal things I want to accomplish because I have working on the favors for others and ignoring mine. I thought I was already selfish but maybe not yet selfish enough to protect my feelings and state of mind. Something to understand deeply as I let things flow on