Life of a Kat

We woke up a bit late and heavy after sleeping late because we watched the applauded REWIND from the recently concluded Metro Manila Film Fest.  I was never a really a follower of the movie scene in general, but every now and then, it makes sense to follow the good crowd for recommendations.  Rewind was a movie about man who asked for a second chance, to save his wife's life. To go back in time and make amends with all the people he had hurt. In exchange, his own life will be taken, in exchange for the primary scene that the wife died.  In real life, there is no Rewind. There is no going back, but it doesn't mean that there is no time for amends and reparation of damages. But albeit, to save one from all the troubles of regrets, the movie taught us that life should be lived with kindness, boldness and forgiveness.  It weighs on the heart to be unforgiving, there is so much anger and hate.  It feels heavy on the feet to perform daily tasks that are not done with gladness and per

As of today, we have kept the routine as usual. Wake up. Warm water. Breakfast. Yoga. Blog update.  I can already see April 2024 as busy as it can be and I am just as excited about what unfolds moving forward.  Regaining back energy and enthusiasm felt like a task until I just let life take its course. Just do what needs to be done and then, I am a happy little thing from here on.  I am grateful for the warm hugs at night, the quiet mornings and a day full of tiny adventures.  Whats up for today now that we have crossed of the morning routine? - check with Espoir tasks  - set up reminder for April 25th meeting - take a nap - go to work  I want to rearrange the things inside our house in such a way that we can finally reclaim the hobby of music for both of us.. hmm..  Today's Verse of the day:  But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who be

Let's go for an early morning brain dump.  The other day, I was thinking of journaling and my introduction was supposed to be, "I don't like my body."  I know! What a horrible thing to say to oneself, knowing that with this body, I had achieved and reached so many and afar. Probably the emotional roller coaster of the past few days.  Today, I started calm.  We woke up and of course, I felt the morning kiss on my cheek. An obligatory kiss. LOL. I asked him to do that to me, as the first thing to do when he wakes up beside me.  I stayed in bed a little longer as he scour around the kitchen for his morning shenanigans. Then there's breakfast, then I am able to complete Day 1 of 30 of a Yoga Challenge I had put for myself. Not because I don't like my body but because it is time to give myself that tough love I deserve. Tough love because it is never easy to sustain, I know it coz here I am, whipping my butt and belly into shape again, as if its the hardest thing t

I think this recovery will be slow. As much as I want it to be really zooming into the horizon of genkiness and energy, I need to embrace this moment of loss and realization.  A lot of things are running in my head. That sense of worth just totally gets shaken coz what if I never really get to be able to carry a child full term, give birth and rear one. Of the many things I am capable of doing in my life, this negative thought can totally pull me down. And I am writing this just to get it off my mind and realize that my life may seem dull, sad at the moment but for sure, there are other things I can do. With that, I should be taking this period of recovery a time to explore deeper on what else I can do with my life as I play different roles for different people around me. Am I still up to write a research paper? Am I up for a managment post? Am I up to be really successful? Am I ready to give my mother the comfort in life she deserves? This period of recovery should be moments of sayin

Another day is about to pass, today is a bit more calm than yesterday, but more painful in the inside knowing that things didn’t go well and the reality of life that sometimes, what we want is not always what we get.  Physically painful, but I know that recovery will be fast depending on how open I am to accepting that pregnancy isn’t for me just yet. I want to be more healthy again, more energetic, more hopeful, more to give. I want to prepare my physical body to be a vessel. I want my heart to be ready for the opportunity to be a mom coz underneath the excitement there has always been that fear if I will be good enough for the role, to be entrusted with life, not just in the classroom, but for formation from conception to become a human being, reared and taken care of, fed, clothed and formed in values.  There is pain right now, in my heart and in my body, but just like every other events in life, this too shall pass. It is good to grateful at least for a short while to savour that f

My “full-time” job expects that I show up at work mostly in the afternoons.  Actually if I didn’t have a car and just rely on public transport, transit will be the major time consumer. And so, I invested on a car.  Now, most mornings are free.  I had always been so lost in the mornings despite setting up projects and tasks but there are times that I just can’t seem to stop scrolling on social media accounts and prying, envying other people’s lives and questioning the universe why I am stuck where I am right now. It’s an endless cycle of unfinished tasks, boring routines and wants that I know I don’t deserve at the moment coz of my current disposition in life.  As life is taking a big change in the coming days, I can’t help but be scared on how it will all turn out to be, and then, I am reminded that I have a powerful God, an ever supportive life partner, a family and group of friends who would always have my back to celebrate with.  I am just so emotional right now and I kinda where th

 The refurbished laptop just arrive and being able to set it up slowly as I transfer work and other tasks in this laptop.  It costed me a fortune, and I'm just looking forward to the ROI of this thing for the next few years.  I have been finding excuses to be unproductive and having this tiny machine with me from here onwards, gets me excited to work and resume passion for things that I am involved with. It feels good typing this here. 

I cant remember which month I started to watch it. I usually play a tv series episode on the background every morning just for the sake of the humanly sounds around me as I go through the day.  I was on the verge of quitting to watch it altogether, but on most days, I tried to find the time to really sit and watch it, savor the conversations and the emotions of every character. The twists and turns and House's downfall, but even in death, he made it work for his favor.  It will take a lot of integrity to be able to call others idiot, a lot of care too, to call out somebody and make them hear that they are idiots or morons. In House's case, he calls them out, but never leave them behind or alone in the discovery of how to un-idiot themselves.  He may have been very selective of the people to be vulnerable with, but he was always been genuine. A man with so much love for puzzles and the truth, the ultimate truth and not the truth the works for them.  The people around him had bee

Fourth time to fail JLPT. Not a good intro, I know, but that's also the 4th time that I really haven't any effort nor pressure on myself to get something with the obvious results of failure.  The inner motivation and purpose wasn't really there. And if I just put a little more effort, maybe just another couple of weeks focused on the readings, maybe, maybe, the test results would have been different.  The test score fell short of 4 points. That accumulated score in general wasn't really a result of focused study but of tiny bits of studying here and there for the past 6 years. Imagine if I had put a little bit of obsession on it like how I put effort on other commitments I have signed up for and get a more satisfactory result.    I am sad yet, overall happy coz my friends who really needed the passing results nailed it.  As I try to keep a more focused and meaningful engagements, it is obviously about time to give myself that passing score it deserves that eventually ca

I realized that watching House MD with quite consistency felt like reading to me. Is thay an excuse or is it really what it feels to me?  On my long drive on my way here to Kanoya, I also enjoyed listening to the audio of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F and it felt good. In some way, it was a good recall of the pages and thoughts I have certainly tried to absorb from the moment I have read of it and also forgotten the moment I let things fall apart.  I am not fond of watching movies without subtitles, that was thecresding part, I think.  I do miss the feeling of reading quietly, lost in the text, my physical body at rest while my whole mind has its own boob tube inside, scenes and people change as I read, I have the power to put me in the situation then and there.   I like the feel of writing as if I al slowly painting a picture, not perfect coz in no way I have been good with art, but somewhat a Picasso-esque mode of cubism, patching thoughts and ideas to make it look like there is u

It’s a Friday morning and  here I am waiting for my coffee to drip, the laundry to finish and of course, the next episode of House MD.  Yes, House MD, that medical drama that was so famous back in 2004 onwards. I’m just on Season 3 right now. Oh also, I just completed watching Crash Landing on You late in 2023.  Today, after all these things, I have to start readings, outlines for this month’s training, re-write previous trainings, go to the gym (?) ugh I have just been hating that place lately just because it is always crowded and not enough machine and I can’t use the studio to practice ropeflow. It wasn’t a very good choice to sign up but it was also a good choice to get me started with getting back to movement.  And I can’t just break that daily streak of movement today because it’s cold!!!! And that big warm bath and onsen in there would be good to get started with afternoon work. Aaaashhhh.  Before all these shenanigans, I gotta figure out what’s for lunch.  TTYL!