Today is a somersault of emotions.
I keep waking up very early in the morning and have difficulty getting up in bed, recently. What is wrong with me?
Since today is day off, I was suppose to go to Conversation class with my friends but that didn't happen. I decided to just meet them for lunch and go to another appointment at 3pm. I was just planning to buy an electric fan coz I can't afford to keep using the AC, too much for daily consumption. Then, Ms. L told me that I should not bother to go buy one coz she will just give me one of their old ones that isn't being used at home. Lucky me! That saves me almost 5000 yen on my budget.
Later that day, I went to meet another friend from the university to catch up. It went well. I don't know when is the next one since we never really got to have matched schedules.
Then, as usual, window shopping at the mall that never really ends up as just window shopping. I got myself a discounted silver ring and a pair of earrings. I saw a ring I liked that fits my ring finger, it would have been nice in there. But I had decided to just stop wearing a ring on a my ring finger coz it my sent a wrong signal to the universe that I am already committed and thus, nobody approaches me anymore. Instead, I got myself a ring that fits my middle finger. I left the building with those and minced garlic in a bottle and a can of tropical fruits. Coz, really, I can't go out of the mall without buying anything. I was supposed to check out laptops and mobile phone at nearby electronic shop but I totally forgot about it since I got stuck choosing a ring. Hayst.
Dinner. Dinner. I had no dinner plans which means, I might just end up with a sandwich and a Kiwi Sour mix but Tita G called up and asked about dinner plans. She wanted to meet up at McDo. I agreed and said that I will just drop off my stuff and meet her there.
As I was walking my way up the stairs to my unit, I received two messages from my friends in Manila about our common friend, passing away just a few hours ago. I can't believe what I just read. She just posted a few throwbacks a few days ago. Last night, I just remembered some of our gatherings as I browse old photos. I took a deep breath and then, just smiled. I guess, its her time to rest. Final rest. After two kindey transplants and a pacemaker support for two years, it's time for her to go. I will always remember her as a jolly Tita I and a very optimistic person at that.
Tomorrow, Tita G asked if I want to come for an early driving tour to Tsuno, so I have to wake up very early and prepare my stuff since I still have to work at 10am. It will be an early countryside roadtrip, I just can't say no to. HEHEHE.
Alarm set, bag packed, breakfast ready. Tomorrow is another day.
365 QOTD
The last thing I bought myself was _________________.
The last thing I bought myself was a pair of silver earrings and a ring.
So, what will I write about today?
I woke up at 9am. Slowly worked my way into the day, had an internal battle about attending the Japanese class, in the end, I still did go to it(happy laugh). Good job to that, Self.
Two classes today, lesser vids watched in between. Booo...
Free dinner courtesy of Tita G! Yey!
Eventhough I sleep late, I keep waking up at around 5 or 6 am and I have struggle getting back to sleep. I keep dreaming of the same person, too.
Six months and I always tell myself that I still have many things to learn. Made me think if within that span of six months, had I learn something? I probably did but since I am naturally stubborn, I slip back to being that every now and then. So, I need constant reminder.
I dont know about tomorrow, but I know that God holds my hand.
365 QOTD
Were you alone today?
Nope. I was different bunch of people today who made me feel I belong and I matter. It was a good day.
Enough with the rant.
Destiny is a reward given to those who never stop believing. -Boku, Unmei No Hito Desu
I finally had the time to watch the last episode tonight. And that line, though it was just a translation via jimaku, it really resonated on me.
How would I describe work today? It would have been truly amazing until the final hour. Got one class and completed two lesson plans, I felt that it was productive day. Add to that the number of videos I had watched while lurking on social media. So productive, eh. Until, the bad news arrived. The management wanted us to conduct a lesson designed for elementary teachers. It was good idea, it was really something I am excited about coz it had always been my dream to be a teacher-trainer. If there is any good place to start with, it would be this event. But it entails a lot of work-- needs assessment, consultations, design of the program, proofreading of the lesson plans and the execution itself. I had pictured it to be something tedious but it would all be worth the effort, for sure.
But that is not how the management want it to be. They just want it to happen. Have the activities patterned from another branch's output, which honestly, is a total piece of s*&^. Designed by someone who really had no concern about what these teachers really need and what learned differently.
As someone who is an advocate of quality and equality in terms of education, I wanted to give my best for these clients, but that is not going to happen in a month's time of preparation. Nor will it be possible in a couple of months. We need all the time and resources we can gather to start with. I was looking into a Focus Group Discussion first to identify their struggles and want they want to learn, a basic needs assessment, then go from there. But it seems, that they don't even want to reach out to them, they just want us to dive into an ocean of problems. I may have been an English teacher to a Japanese school but that doesn't give me enough credibility to just blunder about what they need to do to be effective teachers. We need to know where they are coming from. Not just assume what they need. Enough with the rant.
In another news, I seem to have a better emotional state lately in terms of how I deal with my hormonal imbalance and homesickness. My self deserve a tap on the shoulder, Good job, self! Half year of staying away from my comfort zones and I continually discover a lot of things about myself, formulate bigger dreams and still challenge myself as to how far I can go.
Tomorrow is another day, and I am liking this day-to-day reflections that I write. Dear Kat, let's look back to these journal entries a few years from now.
365 QOTD
Q: What was in your mailbox today?
A: It was empty ;(
Q: Today, I was so ____________________.
A: Today was so productive. LOL.
I finally had the time to watch the last episode tonight. And that line, though it was just a translation via jimaku, it really resonated on me.
How would I describe work today? It would have been truly amazing until the final hour. Got one class and completed two lesson plans, I felt that it was productive day. Add to that the number of videos I had watched while lurking on social media. So productive, eh. Until, the bad news arrived. The management wanted us to conduct a lesson designed for elementary teachers. It was good idea, it was really something I am excited about coz it had always been my dream to be a teacher-trainer. If there is any good place to start with, it would be this event. But it entails a lot of work-- needs assessment, consultations, design of the program, proofreading of the lesson plans and the execution itself. I had pictured it to be something tedious but it would all be worth the effort, for sure.
But that is not how the management want it to be. They just want it to happen. Have the activities patterned from another branch's output, which honestly, is a total piece of s*&^. Designed by someone who really had no concern about what these teachers really need and what learned differently.
As someone who is an advocate of quality and equality in terms of education, I wanted to give my best for these clients, but that is not going to happen in a month's time of preparation. Nor will it be possible in a couple of months. We need all the time and resources we can gather to start with. I was looking into a Focus Group Discussion first to identify their struggles and want they want to learn, a basic needs assessment, then go from there. But it seems, that they don't even want to reach out to them, they just want us to dive into an ocean of problems. I may have been an English teacher to a Japanese school but that doesn't give me enough credibility to just blunder about what they need to do to be effective teachers. We need to know where they are coming from. Not just assume what they need. Enough with the rant.
In another news, I seem to have a better emotional state lately in terms of how I deal with my hormonal imbalance and homesickness. My self deserve a tap on the shoulder, Good job, self! Half year of staying away from my comfort zones and I continually discover a lot of things about myself, formulate bigger dreams and still challenge myself as to how far I can go.
Tomorrow is another day, and I am liking this day-to-day reflections that I write. Dear Kat, let's look back to these journal entries a few years from now.
365 QOTD
Q: What was in your mailbox today?
A: It was empty ;(
Q: Today, I was so ____________________.
A: Today was so productive. LOL.
Mishy mushy and cheesy
Ms. E told me that I should hurry up and do the first move. To which I asked, how is that possible?
She loves making fun of my being single and my failed dating attempts. Whenever she asks me what I am looking for in a guy, I always tell her that I dont know. But the truth is, I really know what type of guy I like. Someone who exists only in films or drama series. Someone brave enough to declare his love and affection. Someone who is consistent, honest and faithful. Someone non-existent as others would say.
I am not the kind who would really do the first move when I like someone but when someone I like makes a move, I could easily give into temptations, I tell you. I had also learned to not speculate kindness to be something else. I am continually learning not to expect anything in return for my own unselfish deeds as well. And even though I may show submissiveness, I am not the type who would initiate contact. I would like to be approached moreso courted or at least given enough attention. No matter how head over heels I am about someone, if that guy dont reach out to me first, I would never initiate contact. And that would go on until I have clear understanding that we are in mutual respect of each other, making me comfortable to reach out and ask for favor or just wanna be mishy mushy and cheesy.
Hahaha.
If it happens that I reach out to someone who I know I have a vague intimate or unlabeled relationship with, I am on a drunken dialling mode.
Whoever that maybe, I hope he gets flattered coz I dialled his number if I ever get to dial any. Lol.
She loves making fun of my being single and my failed dating attempts. Whenever she asks me what I am looking for in a guy, I always tell her that I dont know. But the truth is, I really know what type of guy I like. Someone who exists only in films or drama series. Someone brave enough to declare his love and affection. Someone who is consistent, honest and faithful. Someone non-existent as others would say.
I am not the kind who would really do the first move when I like someone but when someone I like makes a move, I could easily give into temptations, I tell you. I had also learned to not speculate kindness to be something else. I am continually learning not to expect anything in return for my own unselfish deeds as well. And even though I may show submissiveness, I am not the type who would initiate contact. I would like to be approached moreso courted or at least given enough attention. No matter how head over heels I am about someone, if that guy dont reach out to me first, I would never initiate contact. And that would go on until I have clear understanding that we are in mutual respect of each other, making me comfortable to reach out and ask for favor or just wanna be mishy mushy and cheesy.
Hahaha.
If it happens that I reach out to someone who I know I have a vague intimate or unlabeled relationship with, I am on a drunken dialling mode.
Whoever that maybe, I hope he gets flattered coz I dialled his number if I ever get to dial any. Lol.
Bumpin' Sunday.
Morning started with the ritual video call for breakfast with family. Papa was extra cheerful talking about his being officially a recipient of pension as a retired citizen. I was still lazily lying in bed when they said goodbye to go on with the Sunday church activities.
I decided to get up and slowly do the usual day off duties like the laundry and the dishes. I cooked yakisoba for lunch and packed my bag to pick up a package in the post office and then headed to the library. In the library, I tried to study as usual, giving myself breaks in between to read something else.
Ms.E suddenly sent me a photo of her having a yakiniku party at the comfort of her home and invited me to join her. Food! Who am I to say no to food?! In 20 minutes, I am home and traded my yakisoba and bottle of cider soda for a bunch of grilled pork, cabbage and bell peppers. Getting luckier, she gave me cheese desserts too!
I took a nap and realized that I had bills to pay so I had no choice but to go out again, withdrew funds, paid bills and decided to go get some groceries.
How lucky can I get that I bumped into another friend on my way home, Mr.Y and his sister Ms. C. He invited me for dinner at their humbled abode. I feel so elated and grateful that they welcomed me at their flat coz it isn't usual for a typical Japanese family to have new people in their homes.
Dinner was wonderful with the introduction of the Yona Yona Ale and ending with warm tea.
I even got an invite for a Sunday trip to Aoshima and a bouldering activity!
My heart is full with so much joy and gratefulness as these little things and actions come together to make me realize how blessed I am.
The challenge is to practice more Japanese so I can freely and heartfully express my gratefulness to these wonderful local people who make my stay abroad a great story.
365 QOTD
Were you "good" or "bad" today?
I tried to be good today but I fell short and I look forward to do more good tomorrow.
Unplanned Pizza Night
So far, I am enjoying writing about the detailed day-to-day events of my life. I realized that when I started doing this, I was on a low point and had been writing all about things that are sad and lonely. I guess, hormonal imbalance can really tip me off. It is difficult to deal with, but hey, there are lot of good things going on with my life.
Saturday is usually a busy day at work. Today was nothing different from that. However, the torrential rains the whole day and early evening, made it a more F$^$$d up night. Going home seemed to be next to impossible that I even thought that of hailing a cab just so I can go home as soon as I can. But Ms.E insisted that we just take a walk home. So we did. In the middle of the walkathon, the rain got stronger and halfway through, we were drenched in rain like ducks in a pond. The rain wasn't getting any weaker as we got nearer our home.
I told myself, I would order that pizza and I would grab a bottle of wine at the grocery store tonight, no matter how expensive it may be.
When I got home I was still contemplating if I still wanna order pizza coz it was really expensive and I can't really eat all of it. Tita G then sent a message and asked about dinner plans, so I told her that I wanted pizza but it was expensive. I asked if she want pizza, to which she said, "go!"
An unplanned Pizza Night at my place with Ms. E and Tita G!
Later on, Ms. E and I decided to go to Donki for a late night shopping spree. I got myself a blender, a soap, a deep cleansing oil and a facial mist.
Lately, I noticed with myself that I have been sort of obsessing with beauty products. From effective dry shampoos to moisturizer and electric facial cleanser and other beauty regimen! Ayayayayay!
Saturday is usually a busy day at work. Today was nothing different from that. However, the torrential rains the whole day and early evening, made it a more F$^$$d up night. Going home seemed to be next to impossible that I even thought that of hailing a cab just so I can go home as soon as I can. But Ms.E insisted that we just take a walk home. So we did. In the middle of the walkathon, the rain got stronger and halfway through, we were drenched in rain like ducks in a pond. The rain wasn't getting any weaker as we got nearer our home.
I told myself, I would order that pizza and I would grab a bottle of wine at the grocery store tonight, no matter how expensive it may be.
When I got home I was still contemplating if I still wanna order pizza coz it was really expensive and I can't really eat all of it. Tita G then sent a message and asked about dinner plans, so I told her that I wanted pizza but it was expensive. I asked if she want pizza, to which she said, "go!"
An unplanned Pizza Night at my place with Ms. E and Tita G!
Later on, Ms. E and I decided to go to Donki for a late night shopping spree. I got myself a blender, a soap, a deep cleansing oil and a facial mist.
Lately, I noticed with myself that I have been sort of obsessing with beauty products. From effective dry shampoos to moisturizer and electric facial cleanser and other beauty regimen! Ayayayayay!
365 QOTD
June 24
Q: Without looking at the previous year's entry first, sign your name.
A: No change in my name. Errr.. And I don't see that coming soon.
June 24
Q: Without looking at the previous year's entry first, sign your name.
A: No change in my name. Errr.. And I don't see that coming soon.
June 25
Q: What is your most prized possession?
A: My family. I have no other wealth but my family. I am here because of them, my dreams, some of them maybe a little selfish, but most of my dreams, I want to share with them.
A: My family. I have no other wealth but my family. I am here because of them, my dreams, some of them maybe a little selfish, but most of my dreams, I want to share with them.
But at the end of the day....
I have been getting up from bed around 9am for the past
consecutive days. That is a very bad sign.
I haven't been attending the Wednesday schedule of the
Japanese conversation classes also. Wednesday, my day off, I really had no
fixed schedule as to how my day off would go. Even laundry is not on the list.
Then, Tyas-san, my Indonesian friend, called and said that
she would drop by and drop off the food she prepared for our lunch. With that,
I had chosen to get up and dress up so we can go to the class together.
It was good. I sat down with two new students, both pretty
Korean girls who were very jolly and fun to talk to. One Happy Point to start
my not-so-planned Wednesday.
After that, my friends-Lea, Desiree and Tyas- spent the
afternoon at my flat. I really had fun entertaining them and having them mess
around my house. It is good to hear laughter and giggles in it. Then, we went
to the mall for some shopping and checking out of make up and other stuff.
After that, a quick stop at Mister Donut for coffee. Two Happy Points now.
We parted ways and I decided to drop by the bank and
ask if I can have a debit card-- sort of
a prepaid Mastercard/Visa tied up to my savings account so I use it for online
shopping and buying plane tickets. They said that offer only credit cards and I
need to research myself if I can use my cash card for online transactions. Good
heavens! Working for the customer service section of a famous bank for a while
before, I find it weird that they need to tell me to research for myself if I
can use my card for specific transactions, because they should be able to tell
me that. But no mad feelings. It is a happy day as it is.
I just decided to take a walk around Tsutaya bookstore to
clear my head and my mood. While doing that, an acquaintance messaged me and
asked if I will go to the English cafe. Well, since I am available for that
evening, I said, "Sure, see you there!"
The cafe was full of English conversations enthusiasts and
we had to use another table for the chat. Which good, coz after a few minutes,
3 pretty girls and an older guy joined our table. Since the conversations went
really well and we were still all having a good time, we decided to take a stop
at a small shop for yakitori and dinner. This time, it was my chance to
practice my Nihonggo which is still very, very bad. LOL. But they have been
very supportive and I got to learn a words that night. One of the new friends I
have met that night goes mountain-climbing too! The other one frequents the bar
where I usually go to and asked if we can go to the bar one weekend night! I
also got an invitation to a kids' programming session, it would have been fun,
only that it happens on a Saturday and I work Saturdays. I am also looking
forward to attending a Japanese debate in the future! Three Happy Points for
Wednesday it is!
The day had gone overwhelmingly great for me. Thank you,
Universe!
But at the end of the day, I still look forward to share my
stories and the time with people I really care about, like my family back home
in the PH. Then, hopefully, some day, with a significant other I can call my
own.
Dreams.
Having so much time in my hands is not good.
Yesterday was Father's Day, I took time to post something wacky about the men in the family who I grew up with as fathers to me. From my biological father, to my uncle and to my late lolo.
Then, just now on my break time, I binged-watch several videos on my social media feeds-- reactions of first time dads upon knowing that their wife/partner is pregnant, father's day vids, greetings and the last one was a wedding sde made by a professional videographer friend somewhere in Canada.
Out of the blue, I asked myself:
Will I ever have that experience?
A dream wedding. A dream guy. A dream family.
Maybe one day, I will have the chance to write it in details, so that, at least, in writing, I have it.
Yesterday was Father's Day, I took time to post something wacky about the men in the family who I grew up with as fathers to me. From my biological father, to my uncle and to my late lolo.
Then, just now on my break time, I binged-watch several videos on my social media feeds-- reactions of first time dads upon knowing that their wife/partner is pregnant, father's day vids, greetings and the last one was a wedding sde made by a professional videographer friend somewhere in Canada.
Out of the blue, I asked myself:
Will I ever have that experience?
A dream wedding. A dream guy. A dream family.
Maybe one day, I will have the chance to write it in details, so that, at least, in writing, I have it.
Landslide Collab
I fell in love with this song ever since I heard it in Glee Series. Sang by Gwyneth Paltrow with Savannah and Brittany.
Then, a long lost friend I haven't talked to online for quite awhile checked my youtube page and offered that he would play the guitar and I do the vocals for this song based from the original track by the Fleetwood Mac.
It wasn't a perfect recording, but when I listened to my own voice with the music at the backgroud, it just felt different and I felt a little teary. I guess, the song really touched my heart.
I missed it for a good reason.
I didn't go to the Friday Japanese conversation class again. I've been missing it frequently, lately. Not good. Not good.
But I guess, today, I missed it for a good reason.
My cousin who lives in Australia messaged me if I have work coz she wanted to talk. She has been frustrated with how things are going on in their home and wanted to talk about it. So, I sat down, and just talked to her.
A little background
I grew up, with her as the elder sister I can closely have. Our families used to spend Sunday lunches together. We spend academic days celebrating honors and awards with ice cream and cakes from our favorite Uncle Manoy. She graduated first, worked as a nurse in the UK then moved to Australia where she started a new life with her "husband" and their 2-year old cute little girl.
The Now
As part of the new life, the husband's 15-year old son from the previous marriage, was petitioned and now lives with them. As someone who isn't used to having him around, and knowing my cousin, when she doesn't want/like something nor someone, it is hard for her to accept things as it is. Though she knew what she needs to do and other possible ways so they can start to bond as members of one family.
I can only approach things in the logical way I can see it. I have no experience with such acceptance of extra baggage and I have to very extra careful with my words coz I know that she is at a very sensitive state at the moment.
We both have lived a normal childhood family life and having to deal indirectly with this kind of relationship problems is simply something I am not sure if what I will say will matter or if it will even help.
I can only hope for the good things to happen after a storm like this.
I am no expert at things like these but they still like to talk to me about these kinds of things. LOL.
The Usual
I was able to get through the day quite calmly. The stress is a welcomed situation as it keeps me on my toes and just makes me excitedly look forward for the day to end. My coffee intake is improving to one cup at 3pm.
The Struggle
Since the day I saw one of my friends post a jenga set of her own, I have been craving to have one of my own. I checked Daiso but they don't have one. They have the Humpty Dumpty Brick Wall Set that can be played very much the same. I took that one and used it in class today. It worked pretty well, I think. But I still want to have that jenga set. So, next pay day, I will order one at amazon.jp
365 QOTD
What is your favorite dish to prepare?
I like prepping chicken noodle soup which I haven't cooked ever since I arrived here in Japan. But I recently enjoyed prepping okonimiyaki for my meals.
On Growing Old.
It was Lounge Mode, so I asked her what she wanted to talk about. She said she wants to know about the Geriatric Home Care back in PH.
Interesting. Growing old. How do people grow old in PH? Who takes care of them? Interesting eh?
In the PH, if one has a family usually, the grow old with the family, we call it extended or nuclear kind of set up. The government provides pension but not necessary daily needs to the geriatric population.
There are no government-funded facility that can shelter this group. Only hospitals have specialized wards dedicated to this age bracket. Most home cares are privately-owned which are very costly while others are supported by foundations and donations from different sectors.
Quite different from how it is in Japan , she said.
At age 40, the working population is required to get a salary cut for their pension. This fund will qualify them to government support and facility once they reach the retirement age. They either go to a Nursing Home or a registered home care nurse visits their home and attend to their needs. All for a minimal fee since the government will cover much of the costs.Quite impressive and justifiable to work hard on your youth and let your money work for you at old age.
It's not scary to grow old, more so, alone, in Japan, I thought. I probably should consider this option.
I see myself as someone who can never be good enough, no matter how I try to be the best person that I can be. Why? Coz nobody stays. The person just comes and goes. The next thing I know I am alone again.
Though I am not closing my doors to possibilities, nor I am shutting off people from coming into my life, I have learned not to expect anything in return. I just learn to live my life alone. It will take a real man to make me feel I am someone worth it and soneone good enough.
As early as now, life is telling me that it's okay, right?
But in my deepest of heart, I am praying for someone to grow old with.
Wednesday Off
Wednesday is almost over and I am so looking forward to my favorite Thursday.
I stopped going to the Wednesday Japanese conversation class until further notice.
Work has been unimaginably stressful and demanding, but hell yeah, bring it on. I am so looking forward to the busy days ahead.
I went to the library today and did "self-study" but really, I feel asleep in the middle of reading.
Highlight of the day will be the completion of the collab song I have with a friend in the US. Though I wasnt really satisfied, he said that it was a good one for an amateur like me. A consolation. When he sent me the file and I started listening to it, I can't believe it was me. Haha.
We are up for more projects he said!
Then, ended the day with onsen with my hakado no tomodachi Tita G.
Work clothes for tomorrow (check)
Cleaning (check)
Laundry (wait)
Lunch box (wait)
All I know is, tomorrow will be a busy day.
365 QOTD:
How many pushups can you do?
Next question please! I can do 5 to 7 pushups in one swing.
I stopped going to the Wednesday Japanese conversation class until further notice.
Work has been unimaginably stressful and demanding, but hell yeah, bring it on. I am so looking forward to the busy days ahead.
I went to the library today and did "self-study" but really, I feel asleep in the middle of reading.
Highlight of the day will be the completion of the collab song I have with a friend in the US. Though I wasnt really satisfied, he said that it was a good one for an amateur like me. A consolation. When he sent me the file and I started listening to it, I can't believe it was me. Haha.
We are up for more projects he said!
Then, ended the day with onsen with my hakado no tomodachi Tita G.
Work clothes for tomorrow (check)
Cleaning (check)
Laundry (wait)
Lunch box (wait)
All I know is, tomorrow will be a busy day.
365 QOTD:
How many pushups can you do?
Next question please! I can do 5 to 7 pushups in one swing.
You know where to find me.
You know where to find me.
Sundays are library days unless otherwise, Tita G has something scheduled like a trip to onsen, another town or just walking in the afternoons.
As always, I am guilty of not studying what I planned to study. Though I am doing a good job of being off my phone, I am reading something else instead of practicing how to read Hiragana and katakana and simple Japanese literary pieces like douwa.
I practice writing 5 kanji characters then go back to reading What If, then go back to writing and reading then, I go back more excitedly to reading Witches.
Crazy as it may seem, I have this habit of reading multiple books alternately. Instead of finishing an entire book before jumping into another.
Books bring me comfort whenever I feel broken. It may not give me that kind of joy another human being can offer but it definitely can give me that slow cure from being broken. Making me feel whole again.
Books take me to places I dream of going to, inspire me to take measures to be where I want to be in the future, equip me with some sort of survival modes in real life, just a few, coz most of the time, experience is my best teacher.
Library. Drowned in books. Sitting by the window.
Sundays. You know where to find me.
What are my priorities in life again?
Early this morning, my friend whom I haven't spoken with in awhile, sent me a message. She was asking how am I. I said, I am good and still homesick.
She said, it's okay coz I am lucky to have job. Then, started sharing that she is currently out of work and in the middle of self-pity and finding ways to survive and not having money. Just all about the misery she has been going through.
I had no idea how to respond.
In times like this, I am more curious of how she is handling things and what has she been doing to alleviate her situation. Just gotta move forward.
I told her that it's okay to sulk for a few minutes but then, gotta pick up her butt and just do what needs to be done, like keep on applying.
I told her that I know how it feels to have nothing and as if the world being against you.
I told her that every person has a burden, we just differ how we carry ours.
For some reason, she said that it felt good to talk to me that morning. I apologized coz, I wish I can do more like lend her money or refer her somewhere but I just have no capacity of such at the moment.
Maybe, it's just what she needs to hear from someone. I don't know. But I would like to believe that it is.
I said, if she needs anybody to talk to and help her see a more positive and practical side of things, she can message me anytime.
I really hope I helped her a bit by just having a conversation. I really hope I did.
In another news, I wasn't able to go to Japanese class today coz I was moving like a turtle but I did have time to play the guitar.
What are my priorities in life again?
She said, it's okay coz I am lucky to have job. Then, started sharing that she is currently out of work and in the middle of self-pity and finding ways to survive and not having money. Just all about the misery she has been going through.
I had no idea how to respond.
In times like this, I am more curious of how she is handling things and what has she been doing to alleviate her situation. Just gotta move forward.
I told her that it's okay to sulk for a few minutes but then, gotta pick up her butt and just do what needs to be done, like keep on applying.
I told her that I know how it feels to have nothing and as if the world being against you.
I told her that every person has a burden, we just differ how we carry ours.
For some reason, she said that it felt good to talk to me that morning. I apologized coz, I wish I can do more like lend her money or refer her somewhere but I just have no capacity of such at the moment.
Maybe, it's just what she needs to hear from someone. I don't know. But I would like to believe that it is.
I said, if she needs anybody to talk to and help her see a more positive and practical side of things, she can message me anytime.
I really hope I helped her a bit by just having a conversation. I really hope I did.
In another news, I wasn't able to go to Japanese class today coz I was moving like a turtle but I did have time to play the guitar.
What are my priorities in life again?
Sunday came so fast.
Funny how life plays with my feelings--Saturday I felt so low and lone then came Sunday, I was with different bunch of people of 3 separate occasions i the day, to the point that eventhough I am already here in Japan, my father would still scold me and tell me to go home, on Skype.
30-yr old and single. My father still expects me to follow his orders. Lol. Oh well, I am not complaining.
I woke up lazily at 11am yesterday. I texted my Filipina friend and asked if I can come and visit her daughter and of course, pay respect to her mother-in-law who recently passed away. It was my very first Japanese wake visit.
It was very different from how it is done in the Philippines. Her husband was so accommodating, he taught me how to light the incense stick, pin it on the white little vase filled with sand and how to pray.
He also mentioned that Shinto is not a religion but a way of living, how Japanese people are accepting all sorts of introduction of many beliefs for the sake of world peace. All of these were interesting to me, plus, I felt amazed that I got to go along on the conversation with more and more phrases I get to comprehend.
Then at 2pm, Tita G and her friend picked me and Ms. E up for a trip to Nichiinan to eat Pinoy dishes. We had pansit, kare-kare and spicy bopis. That felt like home a few hours.
At 9pm, K invited me for boardgame night with other 2 gaijins. We played Betrayal at House on the Hill. After 2 sets, we decided to head out and look for some ramen.
This is how the universe plays with my emotions. One day, I feel so alone, then, the next day, I am so overwhelmed and surrounded by bunch of people.
Thank you, Universe.
At the end of the day, the best time will always be with family and someone to come home to. For now, I look forward to weekends. Let me look forward to weekends.
But still it was a good night. I suppose.
After a few weeks of being a couch potato, last night, I decided to go to the only bar I go to.
So, after doing the laundry and the dishes, I dressed up, wore my fave black jumpsuit and pink lipstick, tied my hair in a bun, and put on my white flat sandals.
The bar is on the third floor. I don't really know why they locate bars on higher floors. Kinda unsafe for drunken people who wants to go home. haha.
It was a good night. I suppose. I met a few interesting people. A travelling, drunken French guy, a guy who said he was born in New York but can barely speak English, a Japanese guy who was on a date with a very pretty girl and an old Canadian guy who has been in Miyazaki. Funny how just sitting down at my fave spot at the bar could get me to expand my circle, start conversations, piss me off at some point, get sarcastic and have a good laugh.
I played table tennis, billiards and jenga and the humpty dumpty version of jenga.
Two tall glasses of Highball and 2 glasses of beer (Im a slow drinker and had no plans of getting drunk) then I was ready to go home.
Walking alone at 4am, I just can't stop the tears from falling down. I was happy then I'm sad.
But still it was a good night. I suppose.
So, after doing the laundry and the dishes, I dressed up, wore my fave black jumpsuit and pink lipstick, tied my hair in a bun, and put on my white flat sandals.
The bar is on the third floor. I don't really know why they locate bars on higher floors. Kinda unsafe for drunken people who wants to go home. haha.
It was a good night. I suppose. I met a few interesting people. A travelling, drunken French guy, a guy who said he was born in New York but can barely speak English, a Japanese guy who was on a date with a very pretty girl and an old Canadian guy who has been in Miyazaki. Funny how just sitting down at my fave spot at the bar could get me to expand my circle, start conversations, piss me off at some point, get sarcastic and have a good laugh.
I played table tennis, billiards and jenga and the humpty dumpty version of jenga.
Two tall glasses of Highball and 2 glasses of beer (Im a slow drinker and had no plans of getting drunk) then I was ready to go home.
Walking alone at 4am, I just can't stop the tears from falling down. I was happy then I'm sad.
But still it was a good night. I suppose.
No matter how I despise the current administration.
As I write this, I have a can of “chuhai” wrapped in tissue. It’s the usual flavour I get on a Friday night that I don’t make my own mix.
********
Tonight, my friend from the US asked me to sing the Philippine National Anthem. She has been bugging me about the lyrics last night. She even asked if I still remembered the Panatang Makabayan, so far, I can still remember a few lines from the old ones and can still recite most of the lines from the current version.
So, after doing my chores and before I went to take my night shower, I did a recording of the song. It wasn’t perfect, I still have that short deep breaths very obvious in the recording, struggling on the high notes and trying to make sure I had the right lyrics in my head. It all felt good though. Every lyrics lingered.
I am still singing it in my head. I have to learn to play it in the guitar too.
I guess, I really love the Philippines. No matter how I despise the current administration. No matter how I adore this country called Japan, my heart will always have that biggest space for the country that nurtured me then later on, broke me into pieces.
My deep apologies for moving out of the country. I just can’t stay broken my whole life.
I am worried about my own family back home but it’s better that I am here right now. Coz, they would probably be more worried about me if I stayed.
Hiding My Heart by Adele Cover Song (Incomplete)
I had trimmed the video to cut the third stanza cover because it had become "guaj-guja" and I was already tired to do another cover song. I had done this recording last Monday night after dinner.
This has been my LSS for the past few days, thus, the attempt to let it out. HAHAHA.
I'm sorry for the incompleteness my dear Adele.
*******
This is how the story went
I met someone by accident
Who blew me away
Blew me away
And It was in the darkest of my days
When you took my sorrow and you took my pain
And buried them away, buried them away
I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
You'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
Dropped you off at the train station
Put a kiss on top of your head
Watched you wave
And watched you wave
Then I went on home to my skyscrapers
And neon lights and waiting papers
That I call home
I call that home
I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
You'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
Away, yeah
Woke up feeling heavy hearted
I'm going back to where I started
The morning rain
The morning rain
And though I wish that you were here
On that same old road that brought me here
It's calling me home
It's calling me home
I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
You'll disappear one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
I can spend my whole life hiding my heart away
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