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Showing posts from December, 2019

Sunday Blues

Of the many things I can do, sitting down and typing here about my life is what I always look forward to. Eventhough, I cannot really do it most of the time. I wanna type about it as if it has significance, as if it is important, as if it something another person would want to know about how my day had gone.

I spent the morning for chores. The usual laundry, folding and cleaning and just really trying to tidy up. Whipped up some breakfast and cup of coffee. Thought of how I what could happen for the day and what to look forward to. There was a bit of disappointment that my friend couldn't come to the party but I also excited to know who I am going to meet in the party.

I was so slow this morning, enjoying the final chapters of the book I am reading that I didn't notice time to pass by so quickly making me miss my scheduled bus and had to come in late. The host was so nice enough to offer to pick me up in front of my school because we had no idea about the nearest bus stop to t…

The Cycle Has Been Broken

Oh.

How can I break the cycle?

Stop. Confront. Hate and then Move on.

That is how you break the cycle, Kat.

To which, you can give yourself a pat on the back, Kat for having done so. So, STOP- check! Confront? Is there a need? I don't think so. Just drop it altogether. You have better things to do in life just to deal with that kind of person. HAYST. It was never your loss and all these realizations will be your gain, altogether.

Care no more. For that person. As if he cared that you are hurt. If he had thought of it, his brain would have realized it even before he opened his mouth. End of conversation.

Move on. You are good at it. Be better and make sure that when he sees you someday, he will have the feel of cringing at the spot where is standing out of shame just by looking at who you have become.

Continue being amazing.

Ramen Buddy Coming up!

Dark skies has been covering the skies this whole Sunday. 
Dark skies, intermittent drizzles, chilly air. A very gloomy winter day. 
I got up very early to prepare myself for the school's Christmas Party. It all went well. I know that it will just be busy so I stuffed myself with heavy breakfast and went on with the day. It was such a fun party for the kids and their families. 
I have started to have Christmas blues and been battling the tears but I guess they are bound to flow any moment from now anyway. 
I thought of diverting my feelings to my craving for tomato ramen and how kind the universe is to me when one of my new friends this year agreed to accompany me and find me a ramen shop to satisfy my craving. 
As of this typing, he said he is on his way.
I am nursing a headache, maybe because of being tired, hunger and the gloomy weather. I decided to stay in the coffee shop until I am ready to feel alone at the comforts of my home, while asking my friend to accompany me for a r…

That Feeling Again.

I am having that feeling again.

That deep-seated loneliness and tears just start running down my cheeks.

I am having one of those days that I would rather just choose to write and romanticize this uncomfortable feeling inside me.

Last night, I just started listening to an audiobook, entitled, The Fountainhead and for some reason... I feel like I am so Catherine and Howard Roark at the same time. It has been awhile that I took time to read fiction stories and I probably should really be reading more of it.

Today is the week that we get to know if we get into the MA program completely and maybe that is one thing why anxiety is all over my body. Though I know that I had done my best  for the exam, there is still this evil-ish part in my head whispering that I may not be good enough. At this point, I am really praying to pass that exam. Because if I fail, I am not sure if there is anything else left for me meaningful to do.

I wish for time to stop for myself to not feel being so left behi…

Prayer for Courage.

If there is one thing I pray that I will always have, it will be courage. 
The courage to take responsibility to accept failure.  The courage to move on into the unknown.  The courage to accept that I can never be perfect, no matter how I try.  The courage to believe that these choices I presently chose will be something good in the future. 
Courage. Sometimes, it gets lost when we choose convenience. Just sometimes.