To A Decade It Had Been

Finding words to describe a thought is a struggle, especially when it has to be just one word. A word to describe a year, what more for a word to describe a decade. 

Indeed, ending 2019 isn't just about closing a year in itself. It is about walking past a decade of our lives and welcoming a new frontier. 

I started the decade with a newfound love and learning the ropes of romantic relationships, immersing myself in the BPO sector and fulfilling my goal of helping out my siblings be sent to universities. 

Then came, the almost we-are-getting-married moment, the hurtful break up, the comeback on online datings, the wrong expectations and the brokenheartedness because I am so ignorant on how to deal with flirting and then the ghosting. It had been cyclical-- of getting into the circle and pledging not to ever get back to it, but then, would have my eventual slips and feelings of pain, doubt and my fear that I hope not to reach that point of indifference. 

Career had made a complete 180 shift in 2013, from the BPO sector, I moved to the NGO sector that introduced me to the advocacy in education that would later on be my lifelong choice of deed, hoping to carry it with me for decades and if ever I will transition, I hope to transition to something still related to education in due time. 

I moved to Japan, started traveling a number of nearby countries and always missing the comfort zone I had found in Miyazaki whenever I am away. 

My first ever pre-flight hassle was to unload excess baggage and without so much thought, I had ditched some of my most-used clothes, make up kit and other things I had once considered necessity. From that experience, I learned to evaluate the value of things and vowed to be as minimal as I can, I am still working on it. 

Closing the decade with lots of deep philosophical thoughts from the book The Fountainhead and I hope to be able to spend sometime in the next few days to ponder more on it and take some of it. The dream of finding my own Howard Roark. 

I am used to getting random phone calls from the same people checking on me because I am not really the type to initiate a conversation. I can get lost in my own world and be fine with it. 

I am closing the decade in a slow-paced manner and still be grateful for the opportunity to take a rest in some aspects of my life. To have learned not to overthink and just go with the flow. To have learned to let go and notice how far I have gone for now. As the new decade opens, eventhough I have my goals, the roads maybe known, and when lost, just get through it--into the unknown and most likely, the past decade had made me ready for it. 

I am still sad, I am still not free. But I can't really say that I am not happy. Still we say...

2020, surprise me! Like time would always do to me. 


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