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an open letter to a friendship that is taking a break.

 I was asked if I were sad about what happened to me my so-called "friend"...  I was totally sad and disappointed. At the very end of it all, he should have just given me time to be quiet and just let the feelings of hurt and pain die down. Instead, he got angry at me for not speaking up.  I was quiet because I don't wanna ruin his somewhat happy state of being, finding new love and always out and about to do fun stuff. Who am I to ruin someone's happy mood? After all, I am able to manage the feeling, rationalizing my actions, knowing that I was at fault as well in many ways. Thus, there was no right way for me to demand for attention nor correction of his actions.  I just couldn't stop being hurt by the series of events that happened then.  I didn't imagine I will be spending that entire day with someone I had been trying to avoid growing feelings for. But I was thankful that he took me in his arms, put to words the feelings of depression I had been trying to

On Break.

 It is quite a sad day today.  But all is well that ends well. I know that our friendship hasn't come to an end but it just somewhat taking a break from afar. What's important is that I know he is well and happy and the moment. My absence won't matter.  He has always been a great value to my life and I will surely miss how things were. But we all have to grow, think deeper and realize the people that really matter to us.  One day, some day, we will be talking about this sh!t over coffee and laugh about it. 

Daily Tasks

Penning down today's tasks and goals:   1. I need to embed, upload, insert and re-arrange the contents of the website for my subject in grad school.  2. I need to slowly edit the videos to be embedded in the website.  3. I have to slowly edit the podcast due for posting on the 17th.  4. I need to send invite to Ryan Bestre for the next podcast due to post on Jan 31. 5. I need to print the papers for the parking certificate. 6. I need to send email to my forum group members for scheduling of the first meeting.  7. I still have laundry to hang to dry and others to fold for keeping.  I think that is it for now?  I still have rice to cook, meal to prep, and buy coffee.  I should now forgot that I have to go to work at 4pm. LOL. Ready to get away in the gym for now. Working the abs and glutes today.  Apparently, I have many things to do but for sure they are dodable. Have a great midweek, Kat :) 

Going back to it soon!

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Feeling Friday on a Monday... Browsin' through Archives and saw this. Taken in July 2018. I totally miss being in the water, pretending I know how to at least stand on a longboard, riding the waves. Stand Up Paddle is definitely calming for a lot of reasons. And those days of yoga for strength, destressing and meditation.  Manifesting to the universe again and again that I need my calm, healthy and productive days again and again. 

Specific Material Things

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 It has been said that if you desire for something, you have to express that certain desire and for it to be achieved, you have to be specific.  This year, there are only 3 material things I will work hard for:  1. A car 2. A piano 3. A paraglider  It took almost 16 years for my driver's license and "real" driving opportunity to come into me. Let's see about these 3 things for 2021.  Tomorrow, my friend and I will go to a car dealer to check on used cars. One thing after another, blessings after blessings and I pray that as I get to be comfortable, may I always be safe and be able to use my time more wisely and productively for others as I had initially prayed for. 

Breakfast and pages.

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This is a habit I am trying to build up again and again.  Mornings are for reflections, as what to do for the day and of course, that brewed coffee. Reading for meaning and pleasure. Last night, I started reading No Filter, the story behind Instagram and it is interesting. I probably write about it on a separate post.  So, what am I going to do today?  - go to the LM office to resume work on my LLE 280 deadline - recalibrate finances - browse on cars if I can - reconnect with Jerlyn for more training projects for teachers - go to the gym :)  Let's see how that works today. 

Flow in 2021

I am writing this while I am on the passenger seat of a car. I asked my friend to drive me down to a beach.  Nervous Breakdown came in so early as today, 1st of January and I can't stop crying. It is the first time someone saw me on this state and it is embarrassing in many ways. I can't explain why I am crying aside from the idea that I am crying coz I am frustrated coz I can't stop crying.  But who cares. I decided not to write the triggers for today's emotional stress for the sake of letting go and starting with the meaning of FLOW for the year.  I am frustrated coz I feel so alone whole trying so hard to please other people and still be left behind and alone for something else.  I have put off personal things I want to accomplish because I have working on the favors for others and ignoring mine. I thought I was already selfish but maybe not yet selfish enough to protect my feelings and state of mind. Something to understand deeply as I let things flow on