I actually didn't know how to feel earlier today when I received a confirmation that I will not be able to fly to Japan this December.
I just forwarded the screencaptured text message to my siblings, my cousins, my former co-teachers and selected friends who knew my current plight. They all seem happy that I will get the chance the Christmas holidays and New Year celebration here, with the family.
The dream of landing a job abroad took almost 4 years in the making, now, I am on the final steps of that chapter and it seems that I am still being put on hold. I don't know how to feel. If I am to describe how I feel, it would be-- I am a bit sad, yet I am happy that I would get to spend the holidays with my family, I also feel fear that things might get out of hand as because plans aren't executed on time, another set of fears for being sort of unemployed for the next few weeks until I get to have a confirmed flight and job landing. A little bit of dismay for the time to lose that I have to spent here while waiting. Then, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
I should have been prepared. My counterpart in Miyazaki also had delayed departure a few months back. I should have anticipated how things would turn out and focus my attention on other far more important stuff like spending more time with my family and taking care of my health. Everyone before me were all deployed. So, I really should stop worrying and keep on living my good days.
The delayed departure is a good reminder of what's important in my life-- family, faith and surrounding myself with a great bunch of people.
I will be working abroad because I want to share in giving my family a good life. All their lives, my parents, they have dedicated to us, their kids, to have better future. I know that they are excited how things are turning out for me and my siblings, I know that they are also preparing themselves about us leaving from under their care and exploring our potentials on our own. I am so blessed to have ever-supportive parents and siblings. With the anticipated miles and miles away of separation, spending more time with them these days matters the most. I can now imagine the heated arguments with my youngest sister about fixing my hair, the endless encouragement for the other younger sister, the rolling on the bed moments with the not-so youngest brother, the facepalm over-lunch conversations with father, and the "bilhin nyo na ang market-market" line of mama if we say that we are going to the mall after lunch on a Sunday.
With things getting delayed, I have nowhere else to go but put my trust in Him. I am recently out of full-time job and on a waiting game with the agency to tell me when I can get to the next flight bound to Miyazaki. He had put me up to this point, I know that He just wanted me to take a moment to remember, what's important and why I had chosen what I chose. He reminds. Always. He keeps His promises. Always. I will just sit back and witness how He will unfold His awesomeness in my life.
When I told my friends about my delayed departure, all of them were happy that I will get to spend Christmas and New Year with the family. It's a wish that every OFW would want to do and as someone who is bound to be an OFW too, I am quite blessed to have this holidays in the Philippines. Everyone has been encouraging and positive about the recent change. Also, they keep telling me not to cloud my mind with any negativities and to just savor the moment coz once I get started working, everything will change. I will be back to my being workaholic and busy bee.
So, for the meantime, I am pre-occupying myself with household chores, part-time online job, reading with my new Nook, family-bonding sessions, art/coloring sessions, calligraphy, and most of all, bumming around.
So, Thank You, Lord the delay. Thank You for reminding me what's important and for keeping me holding onto You and Your faithfulness.