27 May 2025

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And all I seem to be doing is follow other people live their lives. 

Scrolling and scrolling has been a chronic problem for me and until now, I can't seem to figure a resolution from it. 

So far, I have gotten used to phones while eating even if it's just me on the table, phone away from the bed every time, but when I am out and about, it is when I get to be so lost as I see people living their lives or as they would want the public or their circles to see them: in glitz and glamor, carefree, soulful, peaceful, extravagant. Everything that I wish I could be but I am not and I am not really sure if I really want to be? 

Write it all down, had been an advice for someone who uses intellection or as others would see it, thinking so much of my time, and here I am, writing it all down. 

Last May 24th, I received the letter I wrote from FutureMe. I was surprised and really felt wonderful and quite shaken at the same time as I seem to have not moved forward with any career goals. The romantic goals had been completed and probably Future Self would be so surprised to see how the present has been going about in terms of that side of my personal life. 

But altogether, this is good. I may just be complaining a lot feeling, but who cares. And why on earth had I forgotten that I have this personal, safe space that I had built for myself, key witness to most of my innermost thoughts and somewhat unspeakable feelings? 

Maybe, because the past two years, I tried to live differently, when what I should have done was I should have lived more intentionally, keeping notes of the good days and bad days as I used to do. Not letting go of the writing, because one day, I would like to share to my child or children my flow of thoughts, my triumphs and my unending dreams. 


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