Left Unanswered

This was on my Google Keep dated March, 25, 2014.

Here I am again. Watching Starting Over Again. This time, on my bus ride going to Bicol.

I signed up on that site hoping to find a date or a friend. But I really never took things seriously and had totally forgotten about it. Until I remembered to get back to it two weeks ago and read your message.

How many years have passed? Eight? Nine? I really can't remember but I can still recall how you broke my heart on my birthday. How much pain you had inflicted on my youth. It took me three years before I had found the courage to find happiness in loving and trusting someone again. Only to be broken again after a couple of years.

Of all people, why do you have to let me know that you're there? You shouldn't have sent that message. You should't have let me know.

Do we need closure or am I the only one having this uncertain feeling?
I am afraid to ask any of the two for I know any of which can still hurt me. Nonetheless, right now, with things unanswered, I am hurting. And that HOPE is really addictive.

Did you really love me back then?
On the day that we talked again, is it just me who had sleepless nights after?
Should I apologize for being this stupid and hopeful girl for asking these stupid questions?
Should I stay away?
Why do you keep on coming back?

There was this night, I remember, I saw you. I even messaged you. You replied.

Why can't you simply vanish and let me be? Or can you tell me your secret on how to live unaffected by circumstances like this?

I need to move on and stop thinking about you if this is another unrequited love or lust or whatever-could-this-feeling-be. Please tell me how to do so.

For the third time, with this movie, I cried. When will it stop affecting me?

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I saw him checked my profile last April 3, 2014 but never messaged me again since March 26. As of today, I had deleted my online profile from that website. 

9 comments:

  1. I wish you will let go and find the right guy for you who will always makes you smile:)

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    Replies
    1. Ive long let go mamijoy. He would seem to appear on most uncovenient times of my life lang talaga... hehe...

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  2. It's apparent na wala nga kayong closure. I feel you babykat.

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    1. Siguro nga. Ang weird lang talaga. Pero matagal na yun. As in. College days pa. When he would initiate conversation and say sorry about what he did, dun ko lang naalala and I will start recounting at magiging bv na ko at aawayin ko na sya. Tapos di na ulit sya magpaparamdam. Meron kaming halos every three years contact na ganyan. Haha. Yung para sa taong ito, ayan, tapos na. I posted this kasi wala pa kong bagong post. Haha.

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    2. Eto yung nikwento mo sa akin diba?

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  3. If you are still thinking of your past relationship and the impact is still huge in you, I guess, there is no proper closure on both parties. It's hard to moved on if you're still being haunted by your past. if you can manage to settle it, please do para maka move on ka na rin completely.

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