Randomthoughts 28 Feb 2016

8:45 PM

1. Isang buwan na kong walang full-time job.

2. Mag-dadalawang linggo na ko sa aking online part-time job.

3. Antagal pa ng sweldo!

4. Gumawa ko ng daily schedule pero di ko naman nasusunod 100% dahil may mga iniuutos sakin na iba every now and then. Pero ok pa rin may schedule, kapag lost na ko, I just refer back to it tapos mapapansin ko, tapos na naman ang isang araw.

5. Nag-sleep over ako sa bahay ng friend ko. Sabi ko, malungkot ako. Sabi nya, hindi ka malungkot., frustrated ka lang kasi parang antagal mag-unfold ng mga bagay-bagay para sayo.

6. Sabi ko kay Kuya wag nya na ko ibili ng HelloKitkit, ibili nya na lang ako ng learning materials for basic Japanese, pero binili nya ko ng HelloKitkit at workbooks!! Waaaa! Antagal nyang umuwi!

7. Mej bothered na ko sa life kong walang routine.

8. Naka-plateau pa rin ang weight ko, pero ramdam ko nang bumibigat na naman ang pagkilos ko, pero sige na nga, goal pa din ang workout, kasama naman sa schedule yan eh, hindi lang naicombine with sipag. Why?!

9. May bago kong mech-pen. Ang sarap magsulat kapag lapis ang gamit kesa sa ballpen. Kasi pwedeng mabura at magsulat ulit. Hihihi.

10. Di ko pa rin natatapos yung sinimulang kong libro. Mag-iisang linggo. Not good. Not good.

11. Sabi ng friend ko, i-aim ko na mag-N4 level kesa mag N5 level sa JLPT, pero sabi ko, para kahit panong may panghahawakan akong JLPT Certificate by October, N5 muna sa December na yun N4. As if papasa talaga ko eh? I claim it!

12. Binuksan ni Uncle yung red wine, kinabukasan, pagkagaling sa doktor, bawal na daw sa kanya ang red wine. Alam na this.

13. Ano daw ginawa ko nung Balentayms, sabi ko nagpa-diamond peel facial treatment.

14. Sabi ni Tinder, I ran out of swipe rights daw. Swipe right all the way kasi ginawa ko. Di pala pwedeng i-like silang lahat. Tsk.

15. Andito na naman si Bebegurl sa weekend! Hayst. Ambilis nyang lumaki.


Wait. Learn. Practice. Believe. Conquer.

I didn't receive the phone call however, my cousin found ways for me to be able to attend the orientation last Sunday. He contacted the person who will be facilitating the orientation, linked us on facebook and said that I can just go ahead, walk-in and come to the event.

As expected, there are many others who are interested to live and work in Japan as well. A number of the attendees are already public school teachers and they said that they are willing to give up their positions as soon as they have guaranteed jobs in Japan.

It will be a long journey. Good thing that Ms E was very accommodating with questions, tips on how to do the demo lesson, and I can really feel her sincerity when she said that wanted more Filipinos to work in Japan. That a simple "Thank You" makes her heart leap with so much joy.

The process will be tedious. I never thought that thinking to work overseas will require a very long wait and series of exams. I imagine it to be something like a regular local job hunt, interview and then later on I'm hired. But it was not like that at all. Not at all. My aunt had warned me that it will really be a long wait to bear. My Kuya G waited for another three years before he was able to go back to Japan.

Fifty percent of the possibility of getting hired lies on the video demo lesson that she will be presenting to the different regions of the Board of Education of Japan for screening and selection. It's a 5-minute video to which almost half of the chance is dependent to. Another pre-requisite is the N5 Level Japanese Proficiency Level Test (JPLT) Certification that will be administered sometime in July.

I went home and explained everything to my Papa and Mama.

Papa: Kung ayan na talaga ang gusto mo, mag-aral ka na nga ng Nihonggo. May pera ka pa ba?
Me: May ipon naman po ako kay Tita pero ayoko rin pong maubos yun. Nag-start na din ako sa online teaching ko pero nag-eestablish pa lang din ako ng clientele. And if ever, sakto-sakto lang din talaga ang kikitain ko dun. 
Papa: Ganun talaga, pero kung yan talaga ang gusto mo, mag-focus ka na dyan. 
Me: Thank you Papa. Pag wala na ko pera, bigyan mo ko ah. Kawawa kaya ko. Ma, punta kong Japan, kasi gusto ko po talagang makita si Hello Kitty. 

So, for now, I am on flexi-sched and I make sure I don't spend so much time scrolling and scrolling. I still appear online on facebook for chatting and messaging from time to time.

The way I see it, this will be the longest preparation I am going to do for a job application. Before this, the longest unemployed status I ever had was only for a week, enough time to process the requirements for the new job. Looks like I am closing my 20s with  an ending of my BPO career and a preparation to another career path in another land.

So, I think God is telling me He will take me to Japan, but not so soon.

For 2016, looks like I wont be earning that much monetarily, however, I will be learning a new language in exchange of that humbling experience to be part of a Japanese local school to teach them a new language that can open a lot of opportunities to them just like it did to me.

I am writing this down as a starting point to a certain goal for me to see how it develops and it ends. Be it triumphant. Be it negative. I want to write it down so I can remember how my feelings will ride that roller coaster. How high and low can I ever be. To remember the people who will be involved as I take this journey. Also, how well can I grasp the new language that will open new doors to me as well.

May I always find inspiration to pursue this goal. It's not Suntok Sa Buwan, but I know that it will entail a lot of hardwork and perseverance.

I have a pending application to this international pre-school that will be very much relevant to my target position in Japan. I hope she contacts me soon. That way, I get to practice with real kids before the video demo sometime in March.

As Cher Jo had mentioned, Believe and Conquer.

Thank you Lord for giving me supportive parents, surrounding me with positive people and letting me keep my faith despite my being stubborn at times. Thank you for a wonderful Sunday. 21Feb2016


Dear Bieber,

Naalala mo pa pala ko. How long has it been? 4? 5? 6? 7 years? Buwisit ka! Nakakamiss ka kasi eh. May girlfriend ka na ba? Kawawa naman sya if ever. Hehe.

You were one of the most responsible person I have ever known. One of the bravest as well. Sensible. Family guy. What else? Now I'm flattering you so much. You should pay me for all of those good words! Seriously, I wonder how you are as a boyfriend. I will never ever know.

You were one of the first who used to nag me every working day of my life that I should be teaching kids and not staying up late at night for work. You would ask me about some science concepts and what's the best way to explain them to kids. You would ask about pdf copies of magazines, books to read. You still have my Who Moved My Cheese? book? Keep it :) Share it to somebody else whom you think needs some perspective about change management. Ngayon, I need your encouraging words, magbabalik na ko sa pagtuturo!

I wish to see you soon! Ako na ang mag-invite sayo ng date kasi for sure, di mo yung maiisip gawin sakin.

Bakit ko to ginawang LLTTD? Gusto ko lang. Ikaw kasi yung sinusulatan ko. Haha.

I know life has been tough for you and your family, pero idol talaga kita. Isa ka sa mga inspiration ko in life, pero sige na nga, ideal guy na din. Oh yan ha!

Promise, bibisitahin kita sa SG :) Di ko nga lang alam kung kelan.


Kind regards,

No Phone Call Today.

I did not receive the call I was waiting for today. The lady promised me they will call, but they never did.

The day that I went home unemployed, I had focused all my energy and thoughts to the idea that I want to work in Japan as a teacher. In my head, the series of the situations is toward that track. So, I took my time, sent applications here and there. Tried doing follow up calls once a week about the status, was given a date for an interview, was promised that I will receive a phone call as soon as the interview date is near. The orientation/interview is for tomorrow. I waited the whole day. I never received the call.

Everyday, I think about it. I even wrote an essay why I want to teach in Japan, hoping to have it posted as soon as the process for employment gets started. I even look for signs: I got hired as a home-based online english tutor to Japanese clientele, on Feb 14th, we ate a Japanese restaurant for lunch and dinner, early this morning, the lady beside me was reading a book about Tokyo. In my head, I'm still praying for God to approve with what I hope for.

I missed the first step. That's what I have been telling myself and my heavy heart.

Then a friend told me "Hehe d p nmn yan ktpsan DBA smula p lng drtng dn un mnwla ka."

I have been trying to find answers why I did not get that call. It felt so important coz it's the first step to everything.

  • My experience in teaching is limited to two years eventhough I graduated with a degree related to teaching
  • I am just one of the thousands who wants to go abroad for greener pasture
  • My resume didn't look that impressive
  • In my prayers, I say, may He give me that thing that will help in doing the greater good. 
In my prayers, I had included that if ever it's not for me yet, may He grant me that peace and acceptance no matter how events would turn because I know that He has better plans for me. 

I just wanna make hugot. Can I make hugot. No, enough with the hugot, that is so 2015. 

Taking Charge

Today's morning was supposed to be dedicated to taking Mama for check up due to dry cough since Thursday. I even scolded her for not telling me about her fever on Friday night. When I arrived at my parent's place, Mama asked if we can take Doydoy with us since he also has fever, stomachache and had been vomiting. I insisted we take him to the ER of my favorite hospital. So, while Mama was having her check up at the outpatient clinic of the hospital. Doydoy and I were at the Emergency Section where a dose paracetamol was given to him intravenously, followed by a urine test and then a CT sonogram to check his internal organs for other complications.

Attending to a family member in a hospital or accompanying them for a check up will always be an adult moment for me. I was ready to give up the afternoon training session for the home-based job I signed up with since I just can't leave Mama and Doydoy there to wait for the results and whatever the doctor might say. Prescription meds were given to Mama while we are still waiting for the diagnosis for Doydoy later that day. 

Bebz, my younger sister, 5th in order, next to Doydoy, that makes me the 3rd child and Doydoy the 4th child in a siblings of 6. LOL. Just wanna explain it that way. 

Bebz said that she can cover for me as the companion so I can attend to my training in the afternoon. I know that I can always re-schedule it, but I realized that she wanted to take charge and I would be more than happy to give her the chance. 

In the family, I used to be the one who would always take charge. As the Ate, my decisions, eventhough it sometimes don't jive with that of Papa's, will always have a bearing in the family. Most of the time it's tiring and of course, I make sure to consider my parents' wisdom on every matter. It's a personal rule for me to consult my parents on matters that I know I can talk to them about. Theirs will always be the final say on family concerns. 

Today, it's a little bit different. Bebz, took charge of things. Sent me home. Attended to Mama and Doydoy and checked on me if I was able to proceed with my training and kept on updating me with how things were at the ER. 

I texted her: "Adult kna Bebz :) Thank you for taking charge!" 
She replied: "Anu b yan.. pinatanda mo ko!!" 

Adulting is more than an action.  (Millenials can come up with so many terms and this is one of the latest) Forming the word that way made it look like it's pretentions and not real. Being an adult is more than just pretending. One sacrifices some personal gains for the sake of the people we care about--our family, that's a sign of being an adult. Sacrifices cannot be made out of pretentions. 

I am still worried about Mama and Doydoy but I am happy to see Bebz take charge. I know that even if I am not home, my family will be there for each other, especially for my parents. I guess my tough love for my younger siblings works after all. I am now less worried about them, they are actually more worried about how I spend my days now. Checking on me every now and then, asking about my plans and all. 

As for Bebz, it is more than just a moment of being an adult, she took charge and she won't unlearn that, ever. For once you step into adulthood, you can never go back. It honestly feels good to see somebody take charge on something that used to be mine. But of course, I would always be worried at the back of my head how she is coping up with this adulthood thingy. 

Oh hospitals, things to make me see. Feelings you make me feel. 


Dear You,

The moment I saw, I really wished to myself that I hope you're the one. But I can only dream. 

You can never be mine and I can never be worth your time. You are too much for me. A prayer answered gazzillion times! Not too much for me to handle but somebody too much for me to receive. You deserve someone far more better than I am.

With that in mind, I write this letter which you will never get to read, letting it be known how much I adore you. Your smile, your dreams, the you. 

I had wished for someone like you yet I felt that I have nothing much to offer that can make you stay. I have lost some battles and I had grown weak. I have lost my pride and I am slowly losing it again falling for you. I can't make you happy the same way that you can make my world go bright. I can only offer you my love. My love which I am afraid may not be enough for you because you deserve more. 

I have no plans of letting you read this. I just want to write this. Something I can go back into and when I feel better and had moved on, I can laugh at it and remember how crazy I had been to fall in love with you even at the very short while. Getting the chance to save my ass before I plunge into having the courage to say I like you. Knowing that I am not worth it. 

I thank God you came my way. Even just for awhile. 


The letter is really for a guy I used to have a huge crush and had passed away a month ago after a 7-month battle against cancer. 

I Have A Problem

I can't stop scrolling and it's my never-ending struggle. 

I tried to replace this thing in my hand with a book but after an hour, I am at this again. I really should be reading something else other than those I see on social networking sites, my emails and the news. I need to read legit books! 


How can I stop scrolling?!!!!!! 

Dramarama sa Bus Stop

I am an ENTJ. According to MBTI, that's the personality of leaders, CEOs, presidents and a lot of those on top of the foodchain. Pero bakit andito pa rin ako?! #dramaramamuch

I could say that this point in my life is one of my lowest point ever. Losing a job because the immediate boss never liked q because of my inquisitive personality, not because I have a questionable performance. It's painful yet it is bound to happen. 

How much of a loser could I ever get at this point? 

I lost my job.
I am alone. 
I don't know how to start back up. 

I took a week's time to burn my last few bucks and did spontaneous travels to some local destinations to meet people I haven't seen in a long time. I haven't met new people at all. 

I have been applying everywhere and haven't received any calls at all. 

I know that my parents have been trying to reach out on me but I keep running away. My titas had been dropping their suggestions (though really, they think of me of a robot and expect that I do exactly what they say and they get pissed when I dont but still support my plans anyway). Conversations with friends had been limited to me talking and sobbing and talking and more me talking. 

I lost a job I was not happy to do anymore. It made me feel limited to being sort of monetarily abundant but emotionally and physically tired without fulfillment. 

I wanted to be alone but I am really not. I am surrounded with people who see the good in me and yet I let my internal disappoinment eat me from the inside. 

I had started applying but its the waiting that is eating me alive. Waiting together with all uncertainty. Had I applied to another BPO company, I probably would have started by now.

However, at this point in my life, I am gearing towards bigger, better and brighter future goals. Charot! Haha.

I am taking my time in decision-making. I see this stage as my make-or-break point in life. If I do it wrong, I'm bound to suffer, if I do it right, I am bound to prosper. All for the long-term. 

So help me God. 


Recently finished reading Love Letters to the Dead and this inspired me to write a series of letters to random people from my past. 

Dear Puppy Love, 

The last time we've seen each other was during your little boy's wake. I can only imagine how painful you and your wife have been going through and maybe still mourning up to now. 

I can still remember how shocked you were when I tapped your shoulder that night and said "Hey, condolence. Hindi ko naimagine na sa ganitong okasyon tayo magkikita ulit." 

You never invited me on your wedding day, unfriended me on facebook and we never really said a thing to each other before that fateful day for your little Sky. 

You were that boy I first felt that "kilig" feeling. At grade 2, you were my first ever crush and had always been that special boy. We never went to the same school but I was always so happy to see you either on my way to school or home. The days I get to see you seem to be my happiest days back then. 

We grew up together spent a few social events as neighbors and childhood friends but never really got the chance to be more than friends. I wasn't your type of girl. Eversince, I was chubby and short-haired. You said you like your girl petite and long-haired. I never said a word but deep inside, I am self-pitying. You will never like me. Ever. I told myself. 

On one New Year's Eve, we and our friends went drinking and I got stuck with you in your room. It was the first time I was alone with you. Under the influence of alcohol, I collected all the courage I could have and told you "I like you eversince I was in grade 2." 

I did quite the same confession with another guy just recently, you know. Hahaha. Oh well, it was sort of liberating. Being honest and all. It was one-sided but still liberating. What I did with you and that other person, I had no regrets. It's not something I do often and one thing guys received always, right? Unless you really are that kind of guy that everyone would fall for. 

I'm just writing this for you as a first of series of letters I intend to write for the month of February. 

Losing someone you love so dearly is very painful and I can only imagine what you and your wife are going through at the moment. Your little angel is watching over the two of you. 

Thank for you letting me know that "kilig" feeling at a very young age. You were my first crush and will always be special. See you around! 


You Are Not Alone.

Smile Magazine
Feb 2016 

I forgot the title of the article but this is the interview with one of the newest stars in Star Wars. 

Baboy Kind of Night

For tonight's bonding activity, tita asked us to draw a pig and then gave its interpretation in connection to our personalities right after. Here's mine: