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28 Sept 2025

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Bedtime as it is. So here I amThe contractions as becoming more obvious but still not the frequent but knowing that it can happen anytime, I am on the verge of impatience, wanting to rush the moments of labor but I knew in me that that's not how this things work.  I should be letting nature and my body take its own course and time. I should be taking care of my body, knowing that no matter how healthy I could be, if things go wrong, anything could happen to me and the baby.  I have been having this crazy thoughts in my head all the time, the fears, the wrongs and all the negatives that can happen, and/or nothing entirely of them could happen to me.  As I embrace boredom and the mundane, I am praying for a safe delivery and a healthy, cute little baby girl to call my own daughter. Imagining how my mom had felt the first time she held me, as I am the first daughter in the family after having 2 older brothers. As of this moment, I am standing up and feeling the contractions ...
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26 Sept 2025

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 Sleep has been somewhat irregular. As I approach the final days of pregnancy and anticipating labor and delivery, sleeping itself proved to be a challenge, with a very big belly, heavy body and crazy feelings with anticipation and a bit of worry about the future.  Also, I had been so caught up with all the Flood Control controversy and senate hearing in the Philippines, that even now, I get distracted writing this as I browse through all the reddit feeds. If its not on fb, then its gonna be reddit. Can't imagine the worse it could get if I also have X and Threads to look into.  A month of being unemployed and this has been life. Glad to have been able to control weight gain until within the borders of expectations, but life had simply been full of the mundane tasks, very few can be considered accomplishments, still disappointment about my scrolling habits, and still struggling to improve on it, working on little ways to fight it every now and then. Nevertheless, I am not...
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10 Sept 2025

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Apparently, there are 4 pillars of Corruption: The Corrupter, the Corrupt, Impunity and Tolerance.  I would like to see it as something like this:  Corrupters: the enablers, mastermind, untouched, cannot be mentioned, and ones who made rules Corrupts: the mobilizers, the people in between, the faces that we see, used to be good but then they turned bad. If they become really good at what they do, they either sit next to or replace the upper Corrupters. Or if betrayed,  eventually turn out to be the sacrificial lambs promised to comfort while serving sentence, just to keep confidence with the leadership.  Impunity: the hoax that is the investigative bodies  built and hearings conducted but never really get to expose the real corrupters  Tolerance: the voters kept in poverty, lack of education and survival level of living- continually depending on menial social services provided, the workers who pay taxes but never get to enjoy the privileges of good housing,...
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4 July 2025

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It is already 4:21 AM and I am still wide awake. I woke up with sweat all over my neck, wanting to pee and can't get over the feeling of heat. Though the AC was in the blast, the electric fan is also blowing.  I decided to just get up and do stuff on my laptop, most of the things that I had held off within the day because I would rather just do tinkering and cleaning around the house instead of focusing on what I know are also important for me.  For the next months, the AC will be on blast mode for long hours and hours and as much I am feeling anxious as to where we will be taking the money from to pay for our monthly bills, I know that we will be alright. I am just not used to not being in control and in decision for most of my adult life but for the next few months, it will have to be a different phase and set for me as I enter motherhood and staying home way longer than I am used to.  As we explore options for the future, I am very much confident that my husband and I ...
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1 July 2025

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25 weeks and counting. Can’t believe and just very grateful to the Lord that He allowed us to get this far and I know that He is holding us into this entire journey.  I am having very bad, scratchy throat. Clogged nose and heavy shoulders. The weather had taken me over as early today. 
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28 May 2025

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It is 5:17AM and I am going back to bed soon.  I woke up at around 3:20-ish in the middle of the night as I felt so hungry and just really needed to eat. I always miss home and mama's breakfast cooking so I did egg guisado, ate it with rice and warm water. Since I cannot go back to bed so soon, I decided to write and make progress on the training manual I am working on. Good progress I would like to say.  Roughly at 20 weeks pregnant as of today. Glad that everything seems to be progressing well and good. A bit of uncomfortable feeling here and there, spontaneous cravings, just altogether excited for this next chapter of life and this little human being growing and living inside me.  Thinking of prepping hubby's bento before going back to bed and I honestly will be having a long day today.  Workout, bank deposits, car parking payment due, laundry, meeting agenda to prep for, online meeting, teaching.  Life. Thank you, Lord for this life and opportunity to keep l...
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27 May 2025

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And all I seem to be doing is follow other people live their lives.  Scrolling and scrolling has been a chronic problem for me and until now, I can't seem to figure a resolution from it.  So far, I have gotten used to phones while eating even if it's just me on the table, phone away from the bed every time, but when I am out and about, it is when I get to be so lost as I see people living their lives or as they would want the public or their circles to see them: in glitz and glamor, carefree, soulful, peaceful, extravagant. Everything that I wish I could be but I am not and I am not really sure if I really want to be?  Write it all down, had been an advice for someone who uses intellection or as others would see it, thinking so much of my time, and here I am, writing it all down.  Last May 24th, I received the letter I wrote from FutureMe. I was surprised and really felt wonderful and quite shaken at the same time as I seem to have not moved forward with any career g...
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