Life of a Kat

If there is one topic I can probably write about so well, but still not with a good outline just yet, it will probably be on the topic of self-sabotage: A Guidebook on How to Self-Sabotage. For the past years since the pandemic ended, I seem to have lost a lot of not all, the joy in exploring, discovering and pushing for writings. A lot of things happened since then, both good and bad and I couldn't be more thankful for finding my person.  Finding and living a life with my person has so far been the highlight of my days. Every day, I am grateful and happy for it. As he works on growing himself in front of me, I felt a bit of shame, telling myself that I used to have the same attitude, what has changed?  The academic struggles seem to have been forgotten, the joy for journaling waded for a bit and it appeared days were always busy when the truth is, it wasn't. It was just passing through like it is supposed to be and I have been losing all the time by staring, scrolling, and spe

I was so lost at home that I couldnt accomplish anything that D suggested I go and work at my friend’s cafe in the city. True enough, I was able to do things and more. Capped it off with a conversation about creative work with one of the foreign people I know and I am fond of as well. She has been writing and sometimes not writing and I wish I can have the same passion for writing as she has right now. I always tell myself, I wanna be able to write but Im not even writing anything.  So what do I create? I tell her she should just keep writing whatever brain dump she has when I should really be telling and pushing myself to do the same. 

I cant remember the last time I woke up really so early intentionally to do something like exercise, read an abstract of a research or write on my journal.  Well, today, it is happening. Time check: 4:09 AM JST as I write this and as much as I would like to exercise,  I think today, I will just write this down.  I actually feel good waking up at this hour and I would like to challenge myself to keep doing this. After this, I'll prepare a deck for presentation about Lesson Planning and then go back to bed after that.  It feels good to be able to do this stuff again.  I just finished reading the book The Leader Who Had No Title and I felt so empowered and awestruck how to live a life like that again and again. I am reminded that I have the choice and every opportunity to live the kind of life I want. And I had always wanted to be an "academic"/researcher and eversince I was single I had fallen short of acting like one and so my progress had been so slow to no progress. Nowa

Finally changed the alarm clock from 6:45 to 7:30.  The daily temperature is getting cooler and just more cozy to just stay in bed and roll. But no. We don't want that.  Submitted my re-admission request for my master's degree in UPOU. Hoping it will get me back up and running, but honestly just praying for a mentor, an advisor that can lead me through. But I guess, that will just be myself.  I only have more than a year to spare for this selfish goal. After that, I have to focus on home-making and making use of my genes and of course, taking care of my husband. It has been quite a journey for us.  This year has been an opportunity to recover and move and hopefully get back into a healthier shape that is more ready for what is yet to come. 

A Filipino Olympian made himself a legend at Olympics 2024 by winning 2 gold medals at different gymnastics category.  Gold medal/s he had been preparing for all his life and what has probably just been his life ever since.  His best advice has been: Just show up.  As he has been doing so in all his training days. And look at him now, all eyes on him as he enjoys the fruits of his lifetime labor.  Meanwhile, as for me, all I wanted is to just gain the strength and energy back again, I obviously had earned back in the days , weeks and months that I showed up and moved my body, enjoyed the sweat, and pain and now, it just seems so hard to do.  The audacity of myself to give up on me. How can she do it me. But I don’t think she has given up on me? It’s too early to say. I think it is again and again that taken for granted attitude of procrastination that is pulling me back from my goals. 

 I have been scrolling on social media endlessly, again and again. Again?  The awareness is there but the desire to stop and live life as it is, seem just hard to find and paralized as it is, might as well soak in the deep doom of scrolldom I did.  I have been unhappy inwardly for all things that I should be grateful for. After all, the things that I have right now were things I used to pray for.  The people and tribe I have around me right now, bring me so much joy and purpose.  The family has been strong and I pray that they continue to be stronger and healthier every day.  The husband has always been cheerful and active and positive about life and adventure. Of course we have our down days and that's the reality of it. In every prayer, I ask the Lord to give us patience, strength and unending love for each other so that we maybe able to fulfill the desires of hearts for our ownselves and for us a couple.  I watched Maricar's interview on Tony Talks and I am happy that I was