Talking to Myself

I really like to write. I love to write a lot. Just about anything. My life. My thoughts. Just about whatever runs into my head. Writing feels like talking with the words in print, that’s how my tita would always tell me whenever she asks me to write about something when I was in high school. However, I just can’t make that happen all the time. There will be days that I would just run into my computer and type away and post it. There were days that I would start on something and have it forever on the drafts page. Worst are the days that I want to write but I can’t write anything. Just like this.

I am just typing away with nowhere to go. I am squeezing out senseless words from my brains just because I want to write and I am restless.

For now, I will try to write as if I’m talking.

It’s the time of the month. If a girl says it’s the time of the month, people in the room should be able to get it. If not, then let me tell you about it with a ( . ) do you get it now? That looks like a boob, but no, it’s not. It should be regarded as a period. Anyway, I am just trying to make this paragraph longer. So, it’s the time of the month. Red Flag.

For the past few months, these times of the month had been frequently emotional.

Seriously, I can’t even get myself. Why am I so sad? Why do I even bother feeling guilty about what happened to me and my ex when I know now that he is a happy place right now, away from me? Sounds more like of envy, right? For four consecutive months, I had been waking up late in the evening just wanting to cry. Ugh. Not so me because I am not yet drunk. My drunk state-of-being is a different story. But during those late nights, I would wake up and cry and would start typing on my tablet about how I feel if one ever would get a hold of my tablet and read those notes, they probably, scream at my face to “Get a life!”

Seriously, I am also shocked about myself. With what I am going through and why am I like this. I am not into any pill except the vitamins I take and the fat burner pill I take whenever I go to the gym which happens to be on it’s 10^th day last Friday. The fat burner is the new addition to the intake however I cannot take it into account because I just had it recently and this emo thing had been happening for months now. And the job of the fat burner is to burn fats while I am working out and not me make cry.

I hope I would stop being like this. I guess it does. In terms of fertility, they say that five days before and first five days of the period are the safest to be in contact to avoid pregnancy. But for me, I am starting to regard these days as the stay-away-from-me days. These are unsafe days to be around me, but honestly, these are the days I am so vulnerable that I would want someone to be with me.

If you’re a boy and you are reading this, be glad you don’t have this kind of monthly burden, so please stop bitching around.

If you’re gay and you are reading this, I am happy for you that you have the heart of a girl like me but no red days.

If you’re a girl and you are reading this, I know you know what I am going through.

So there, I was able to write. I don’t know if it makes sense.

Not everything have to make sense, I suppose. They just have to be worthwhile and I find writing this a worthwhile thing. Whatever that means.