My Life Verbs.

I have been wanting to write--to collect my thoughts and just pour out my senseless rants and bitterness mixed with a thousand things to be grateful for, but I would always end up not doing anything until I decided to disconnect today and just sit and type away. With my latest find of a good playlist in Spotify.

The past weeks had been so crazy. Or actually since the national election campaign kicked in. The connection brought about by the internet, social media and other sites had conjured a lot of mixed emotions among Filipinos, I, myself included. Most of what I know about the ongoing elections, I got it from shared posts from the famous social network, Facebook. I had become lazy to open the three online news websites I would always check into: Inquirer.net, CNN.com and BBC.com

I used to find the posts entertaining, useful and reliable until one day, most of the things I had read were that of wannabes, emotionally-flared up rants, defamation and bullying.

I am sort of guilty of the thing called bullying. I would internally curse at people who would posts things against my own beliefs and interests. There were also moments that I felt accomplished when I got to turn down people and their confidence. It made me feel good for a moment and then guilty until that point of regret about what I have done. I was slowly losing myself in search of entertainment and superficial superiority. As I kept myself immersed in that kind of environment, just like others, I was slowly becoming an empty can that makes a loud noise. Then, somebody just told me I was rude. All along I was having fun at the expense of other people’s shame. It was a very small incident, but then, I know it could still go a long way if my attention wasn’t called. I was becoming one of those people I hate to be with.

I need to stop and think.

I was restless and losing focus because everything around me seems chaotic. Routine had grown to be boring that I needed some escape from boredom. I thought I can control it, not knowing that escape was slowly controlling me, almost making me think it was what I was really asking for in my life. But I had to stop and go back to my why. Why do I do what I do?  

Self-discipline is a struggle. If I cannot achieve it, what else can I achieve it life? My dreams are big and the price is high. If I don’t start working on it now, how can I afford to pay the price.

Shows over, it’s now time to go back to business and eye on the goal.

With my series of verbs:
Reflect a lot. Work hard. Study harder. Save money. Read. Write. Pray.