D.R.A.I.N.E.D.

Warning: This is a vent-out post.
                All negativity inside. Read at your own risk.

I just got home from school. I go to school at exactly 5:30 AM, today I arrived home and it’s already 6:04 PM. Yesterday, I came home at around 7:30 PM. What’s happening to me? I feel so tired. I feel so alone. I feel so tired, even sleep and longer sleep won’t seem to ease the tiredness in me.

I miss home. I truly miss the meaning of home. I miss my mama’s home-cooked meals, the chats over breakfast and dinner with my siblings. The endless asaran and the endless sermons from papa. It’s as if I am living in a faraway country that I can’t seem to be with them. I mean, enough time to be with them. I maybe with them on Sundays, but it had never been enough.

I never thought that I will reach this point of weariness. That I would feel so drained and all I wanted is to cry and feel someone’s hug. This is one of those days that I wish I have someone. That someone who would tell me that everything’s going to be alright. To tell me that I just need a rest after that someone hugs me. Kiss me on the forehead and tell me that tomorrow is another day. That someone who reminds me of what wonderful job I have. What wonderful thing I had been doing for these kids. I never thought that I will reach this point. Really. I thought I am tough. I thought I am strong. Yet here I am, breaking down, letting the keyboard suck all my tiredness, loneliness and negativity. Having them printed on the screen. Making them look for more real not just feel.

A challenge had been given. In thirty days, I will have to make these 30 kids, independent readers. I am currently on my second day of seminar wherein the main objective is to address the harsh reality in the public schools,  that more 60% of third graders are slow or total non-readers. They could be syllable readers but definitely with no comprehension, thus, still with zero percent literacy. This action plan had been an answer to our clamor of wanting to pay more attention with reading exercises for these non-readers than bombarding them with academic concepts that should have been on their level had they been independent readers at this point. But thirty days!

Challenge accepted. I have no choice. This is already an opportunity for them to be able to learn to read. Challenge accepted. I have no further argument. I just need some time to rest. To breathe. I just need someone to tell me that everything’s gonna be ok. I have no background in teaching beginning reading. All I have are resources I can find anywhere. I have a laptop, tons of papers, a printer, a projector, a set of books on phonics, boxes of story books to choose from. A very basic knowledge of Marungko and Fuller Approach. Not even any handouts. I would have obliged to get a copy of my own, but they said that the administrators will provide for us.

SISTEMA PLS!. That SISTEMA wherein things work harmoniously. That thingy where things are there, resources are at work and people are united. It could have been a real Reading expert at my place. Oh ok, I volunteered for my team. On behalf of the mandate, that someone from our team be in the seminar. No, I  haven’t held nor read any memo. Can I just say, I wasn’t informed? But No, I am already here. And as I have said, challenge accepted.

Apart from this, seriously, I just feel so tired. And without anything at hand, I don’t know where to start.

I need a hug. Please.


21 comments:

  1. Awww Cher Kat!!!! halika nga dito, hug ka ng pusa *cat hugs*

    It's normal that you feel that way. Maybe, drained ka lng talaga siguro from work and you just need to breathe out. Also stress?

    Anyways, isipin mo na lng lagi ang mga kids na tinuturuan mo sa school. Gawin mo silang driving force that would motivate you to go more further and don't give up! always look up lang and follow the sun!

    Don't forget to pray, kaya yan!

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    1. exactly fiel...kapag kids ang kasama ko, i can tolerate tiredness. the past three days kasi, I attended a seminar with the hopes that it will really help me and my kids learn to read. Pero kakaibang burden ang binigay... And ang hirap kapag ang mga taong namumuno ay hindi learner-centered. Ang hirap ipaintindi kung bakit namin ginagawa ang mga extra efforts namin. Ang hirap magpaintindi sa mga taong nilamon na ng sistema at makasarili. Sobrang disappointing lang. Ang prestige and glory na ipinapakita ay pawang huwad. Sa likod ng lahat ay isang berdugong handang patayin lahat ng hahadlang sa mga plano nya. Nakakawasak ng puso.

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    2. I agree with you here, hindi kasi nila nakakasama yung mga kids araw-araw. Nakakalungkot talaga minsan.

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  2. Replies
    1. thanks sir op :) hope you're doing good yourself :D

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    2. Madaming problema. Madaming trabaho. Konti pera. Konti pahinga. Konti tulog. Pero ayos lang. Kaya pa naman.

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    3. lahat tau may problema. at ibinibigay daw ang problema sa mga awesome na tao, so sir op, stay awesome :)

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  3. *kiss sa forehead sabay hug* kaya mo yan Kat! Kapag drained ka patugtog ka lang ng music. Music is moonlight in the gloomy night of life. (ano daw?) lol Pag-uwi mo patugtog ka lang, mabubuhayan ka na ng diwa.

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    1. i guess yan nga yung kulang sakin... pagdating ko kasi sa bahay, i seem to enjoy the calmness ng walang kahit anong ingay. sobrang nakakatorete kasi ang ingay sa school. Dati kasi, when i get home, I have the radio on pero nung lagi akong pagod, gusto ko lang ng tahimik.... Thanks Cy :D

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  4. [Tap on the shoulder]

    Tama si fiel. Just think of the kids. Minsan nakakastress na talaga at gusto mo nang umayaw. Isipin mo nalang yung mga nagagawa mo para sa mga bata, yung ikakabuti nila para sa hinaharap. You can do this teacher kat!

    Yung kelangan mo ng labasan ng sama ng loob, kape tayo minsan. :D

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    1. oo, magkakape tayo... hehehe.. See yah on october 6! :D and thanks thanks thanks :D :D :D :D

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  5. This too shall pass Meow, kapit lang :) Just think that all the sacrifice is for the kids. All the hard work and the craziness it's causing you is going to pay off :)

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    1. ganun na nga lang zaizai... i am learning a lot from this experience. Ang bawat araw ay mahalaga kapag kasama ko ang mga bata... Sana nga may magawa akong significant para sa kanila... Sana nga...

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  6. In as much as I wanted to learn, I dread attending seminars because I know in my heart that it is all going to be talking and talking when we, the teachers, wanted actions. This is the same sentiment that all students share. The mere passing and spoon feeding will not work with them, they had to be involved. So in presenting concepts without comprehension, the day is gone to waste.

    Thirty days are not enough to make them independent but you can still make a difference. Some will, but others will still struggle but we don't stop there after thirty days, we continue. You need to involve the parents in this endeavour or your children can probably gather together during weekends for an hour of reading session with a volunteer or a grown-up. The challenge is on and with some help from others, you can make if not a leap, some steps towards making the children independent readers.

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  7. WARM HUGS from me girl!

    Naku eto na yung moment na minsan thankful ako that I didn't pursue the teaching profession, but on second thought nakaka-konsensyang sabihin yun kasi it is such a NOBLE profession na kahit walang masyadong financial rewards masaya pa rin ang feeling kasi naging part ka ng buhay ng isang tao nung kanyang kabataan...

    Kya mo yan girl!

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  8. 1 million hugs! Just remember life is good , god is generous , love is overflowing so wag ka na maging tired hihi

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  9. @sir jo: ayoko din ;( anyway, with our kids, the 30 days focused on reading exercises will be very helpful. hindi naman na kasi sila totally blind in terms of letters and sounds.. exercises on comprehension would have been helpful. pero ngaun binago nan aman nila..gusto nila, 45 minutes, one student one teacher na lang every day. so, ayun... hopefully, by the end of the year, kahit pano makakasabay na sila sa mga kapwa nila grade three.

    @ms. b, salamat sa hugs.. more than being noble, teaching is a real job as well, it requires a skills set not just desire and the hope of giving back, to become an effective and not-so-drained in all aspects of life... hehehe

    @kulapitots, salamat sa pagremind ;) million hugs to you too! n

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  10. i miss being around here teacher kat! hahaha ang pangarap na may maging presidente na student. yesss go for that ha! why not! hehehehe anways i am giving a squeeze huuggggg hahahaha woooootttt... while nagbabasa ako ramdam na ramdam ko yong halos wala ka ng time sa sarili mo at sa pamilya mo. ako nga may isang taon na halos hindi na ako nakakakita ng tv kasi diba nga i am working then studying pero in time ul get through with that like i did. just dont forget to unwind for a while, u need to take an effort to breathe again and find urself in the middle of pagiging busy din. ur doing well in ur profession and i am so proud of u sis. ibang level talaga ang teacher eh they create professionals. hehehe goooo ng go ha wag sumuko. we're just here for you!!! mwaah!! huuggggsss sqquueeezzeee hahahahaha

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  11. Go teacher kat! I know it is horribly hard to work especially when you feel bad, pero isipin mo na lang na in the end it will be all worth it! :)

    Kaya mo yan! Go go push! *HUG!

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  12. Prayers. Prayers. Prayers. It lessen the burden it calms the soul. Kapag nadedrain na tayo, napapagod, kapag gusto na nating sumuko, just pray maam. And let God take away all things that weigh you down. =)) and the kids, always remember the kids.

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  13. Late comment. Dinko nakita ang post mo na to. Anyway,, better late ng never. A million hugs to you:) hope you are ok now:)

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