11 Sept 2023

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​I weighed in and I’m at 55kgs today. I need to lose 7kgs to get down to my ideal weight. 


I am filled with so much frustration right now about myself. I was able to reach it for 2 years and here I am falling out from it. 


I am not sure which one I got so much high from, was the journey of being fit or being fit in itself. I remember telling myself that exercising and working out and seeing results of weight loss can bring a different kind of high, it’s addicting like everything else coz once you have somewhat reached a peak level of fitness in comparison to the previous self, it brings so much joy and confidence like never before. And I even told myself before, “If being fit is a form of addiction, this is the kind of addiction I would like to get stuck with for life.”


I used to be the only one posting and sharing my fitness journey, now almost everyone who just used to message me about working out and weight loss, they are on the peak of achievement of their body goals. 


It is so frustrating. 

I miss my 48kgs self. For all the good reasons that I can think of. I am lighter, I fit on the clothes I have. I am not always hungry. I am more decisive. I am more active. I am more productive.  


Getting pregnant at 48kgs would be more ideal knowing that at the duration of pregnancy, I would gain so much weight and it might takes years to shed it all off again. 

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