Randomthoughts: It Gets Better and Better

Friday. 1.24.2014, Free Period.
Start Time: 7:20


For now, you are planting seeds.
The first year years of teaching is a roller coaster ride and I can tell that you are on the lowest part of that ride, but as we always tell the others, it gets better.

These are the words Dr. Martin, of the Loyola Marymount University Dean of School of Education, who spoke to us last Sunday afternoon. Teaching for more than 25 years now. I still don’t know if I can stay that long in this profession.

How would I describe the past few weeks? Or just this week? Just like the others, my heart had reached it breaking point and I am on the verge of giving up. But, please tell me how can I give up on something and someone I love so much? I never thought that loving teaching would also mean loving the kids I teach. It came as a package deal.

Much as I wanted to blame the parents as to why their kids are like that, I know it’s not right. They are sending their kids to school that means they are doing something right for their kids. I wanted to blame their previous teachers, but it’s not right. They tried their best. I know they did. I want to believe they did because that’s their job. I want to blame the system, but would the system listen to my tiny voice? Who am I to say that this system sucks. Suddenly, I stopped finding who to blame and got back to work. I don’t want to be blamed, so I have to get back to work.

As the first year of my teaching culminates in two months, slowly drowning myself with all the disappointments gathered up on me, all I wanted to do is survive. I thought, I am already okay.  But I am not. This week was a hell lot like my first week in this school!!!!! Fighting kids left and right, parents coming over looking for the kid who broke her child’s arm, test papers coming unlimitedly, how many times do we have to be Dr. Data and Ms & Mr Magicians? how many tests in a span of two weeks?! How many “bilog na hugis itlog, do we have to shade?”, how many bath soaps do we have to line up for in the gym, which could have distributed inside the classroom, how many zeros and ones in a 5-item test do I have to record?! Ooopps. I am starting to count all the not-so good stuff here. Let me stop. I can’t remember the rest that’s why. There’s no point in remembering. It will break my heart, over and over again.

I texted my Mama, Papa and two sisters, “Please include me in your prayers. I am losing the love for what I do.” Then Papa texted, “Kasama kayo lagi sa mga panalangin ko.” I smiled and then my sister sent me pictures of our new cat sleeping on her lap. Then Bebang texted, “Ate, may work na ko!”. I cried, as always. I cried because I am happy. They are simply telling me to ignore the negative feelings I am having and just do what I do because at the end of the day, there is a family to come home to.

 “Have you signed your commitment letter for next school year?” I was asked last night.
“Not yet. But I will.”

It’s a roller coaster ride, remember? Then it gets better, remember?
So yes, I am completing this fellowship which I am halfway through. After this, will I still teach? Yes, because it gets better and better.

For now, ask me about my kids, and I will still happily share my stories… (Bipolar lang.) Hahahaha….

We are just planting seeds. The results will not be easily seen. It will be seen in the society later on. I pray. I pray. I can only pray for it to happen soon.

It’s the weekend. I can’t wait to see my family and friends. I can't wait to come home and hug Mama, pat Papa on the back (coz he isn't that much of a PDA), squeeze Jude and Sugar, wrestle with my younger brother and sing my heart out with my two younger sisters. I can’t wait to eat that isaw and run that 2.2 kilometer elliptical, tree-lined pathway and of course, hug my friends! 

Today is Friday, I can’t wait to get that salary from my part-time job, watch Bride For Rent, laugh with friends, guy-hunting, dance that 16-minute zumba dance and  finish Kafka on the Shore. No matter how sad my heart is, there will always be many things to smile about and look forward to.

End time: 8:45AM
Let me go back to recording the zeroes and the ones..... 



19 comments:

  1. Happy dapat later ok? We can talk abt that pero just to lessen the burden pero let's not allow it to affect our jamming later.. see you kat!

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    1. Im excited for later and naisulat ko na ang mga kemerut ko sa life kasi muntik nang mawalan ng spice! Hahaha:) see you!

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  2. I encourage you yo be encouraged? Ano raw? Haha. I'm lost for words. But for what it's worth, you've done so much and you've done great. Salute to you.

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    1. Basta yun na yun! Lels.. Thank you :)
      Inulan lang ako ng mga nega vibes simula pa nung Sunday kaya ganito, pero ayan,weekend na naman. Panibagong araw...

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  3. Lahat naman ng trabaho may ups and downs. So hindi ka nag-iisa. Siguro ang magagawa ko na lang ay tulungan ka mag-check ng test papers mo. Don't worry, kapag nag-iba ang shift ko, palagi na kong available for you. Magkalapit lang naman tayo eh. HUGS! :*

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    1. bakit ngayon ka lang dumating sa buhay ko? Lols.... hmm... Makasama ko lang kayo at makatawanan, oks na oks na ko, pero sureness sa paperchecking bonding! hihi... mwuahugzzz :*

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  4. hirap na din talaga hubugin ng mga kiddos naun dame kasing ganaps sa kapaligiran at samga kabahayang di dapat nila makita't makuha,\
    I think you need a break, napaka stressful naman talaga ng propesyon mo

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    1. kahit san may stress, nacombo lang ako this week kaya ganito :P
      next week, double combo ulit! pero ayun, four days lang ang pasok so ok na din. Everything is all about perspective and positivity kasi lahat tayo ay may pinagdadaanan...

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  5. When I started teaching all I complain about was the salary. Then, I complained about the administrators of the school, then the salary, then the administrators, then the salary and I didn't stop complaining.

    When I look back if I regret being a teacher then I will say no because of a thousand reasons. The best part of teaching is knowing you can make a difference. Your students are far different from the students I had but they are all students so our goal is to educate them, nurture them, guide them and during this one year stint of yours, you had been accomplishing them.

    I salute your dedication and hard work. It will never be in monetary gains but the time will come when a student graduates from the university and say, I was once in Cher Kat's class and I owe her many things.

    I had been teaching for so long but I still get the chills of doing something great the next day. It just won't stop.

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    1. To believe that I am doing so and to keep doing what I do are the best things I can do right now to keep me moving forward.

      Funny coz at my lowest moment, Jei Son texted me and asked for an advice about which offer to choose and without hesitation, I still replied, Teach. Because I know that there are a lot of reasons to do so money cant buy...
      Usually, the best experiences I have with them happen when modify my strategy impromptu, instead of a test, Ill come up with a game. Instead of a lecture, Ill come up with an art activity or while in the shower prepping for the day, Ill come up with something.. Truly, the ideas just keep coming even if the last day was not really that good...

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    2. Inaabangan ko talaga tong comment ni Cher Jo. Gusto ko malaman ang advice niya sayo. Coming from a great teacher and all. :)

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  6. Pag may chaga may aanihin este may nilaga hihihi :D

    Dapat pinatikim mo ng isang uppercut at roundhouse kick ang mga chikitings para tumino. Hoooy bad yun! bad yun!!! child abuse! baka ma-bantay bata 163 ka hihihihi :D

    Nakatagal ka nga ng ilang months sa pagtuturo eh, ngayon ka pa ba susuko? Challenge lang yan sayo ni Lord. Tine-test ka lang Niya kung hanggang saan ang kaya mong ibigay para sa mga chikitings.

    Pray, it helps a lot!

    Cheer up Cher Kat ^_^

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    1. Toinx! pinapagod ko sila sa pagkanta at pagchant! hahaha.. Ang bagong song namin ay "Chinito" last time, "Dati"

      yes, this is a challenge and I thank God for surrounding me with many people who never cease to encourage, support and listen to my woes. I used to have a few and Im contented but now, I have more than enough ;) and Im glad...

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  7. Dr. Data, Mr. and Ms. Magician :)
    kilala ko rin sila hehehe

    ganun nga talaga ang pagiging guro
    sa una mahirap, pero sa paglaon, maiintindihan mo na kung bakit kailangan mong gawin ang mga bagay dahil hindi naman talaga tungkol sa iyo ang pagtuturo... lahat ng ating ginagawa ay para sa kanilan... sa ating mga mag-aaral :) (na hindi naman talaga nag-aaral lols)

    more power sa iyo mam yccos! God bless u!

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    1. More power din sayo :)
      This job had made emotional to the nth level. Hehe. Nakakapagod pero yung mga anecdote that I post on facebook about our Science class really reminds me why I teach. Kasi masaya, kasi masarap maging bata, kasi alam kong gusto nilang matuto at kaya kong magturo. Hindi lahat kayang gawin ang ginagawa natin :D

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    2. wow science din pala ang itinuturo mo?
      parehas tayo! :)

      napaka-challenging pa naman ng ating subject kaya ma-effort din kung minsan, pero kung matututo naman sila, bakit hindi mag-eeffort di ba :)

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  8. Wag kang susuko... kaya mo yan! Hugs

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  9. God bless you Kat!

    In whatever decision you do, I know something better is coming out of that.

    (Ang ikli lang ng comment ko hehe)

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