February 2015 had full of so many stories. From writing, to flowers, to museums, to disappointments, to errands, to places, to friends, to studies, and to active job-hunting.
Today is the first of March 2015, four weeks to go and my teaching contract is about to end. My idealism is being eaten up and as I go with the flow, I might just wake up corrupted already. I had gone weak and hopeless. I don't want to end up being beaten by this system.
A few more days and I still don't have a concrete plan about how will I live my life after my classroom days are over.
My father was very subtle in asking me about it earlier during lunch time. "Ano bang balak mo?".... "Ano ba talagang gusto mo?".... "Ipagpapatuloy mo pa ba ang pag-aaral mo?"
My tears started to fall. He was obviously right. At my age, I was supposed to be a somebody by now. I would have been a somebody by now, had I not changed jobs. But the two years experience I had with the organization I am in right now is something that I don't regret.
It is actually something I am proud of. Working with wonderful people, meeting amazing minds and dreaming big for this nation. Talking to CEOs of big companies and start up companies and being mentored by one of the most powerful lady in the country. Yeah, she keeps herself on low profile, but her influence is enormous.
But still, going back to the issue, how do I package myself now to the direction that I wanted to take. I will always be an advocate of education for every Filipino because definitely, ignorance is the reason why we are poor.
After eating Jolly Spaghetti and 3 rolls of shanghai and a serious conversation with Emil, I was able to calm myself. We are both on the same boat, but for him, he knows what path he wants to thread. He asked me the same question his father asked him back in December, when he was having his own dilemma. "How do you measure your success?"
How do I measure my success? As far as I know, I may be penniless but I am happy. I am just lost because of pressure and insecurity not because I don't know what I want. I want to build a career around the Finance Sector primarily, but I also think I would have a great career in the Development Sector as it is also aligned with my MA course at the moment. But still, I want to go back to the corporate sector. See? I know what I want. I'm just a little bit confused how do I package myself and where do I start again. After all, starting something is always one of the hardest part. At the moment, it is the letting go and the starting over again.
******I miss Sundays like this. A good conversation with the oldies, tinola by Mama and lambingan with the younger sibs where I appear to be the little sister. I can't wait to move back home. I like seeing Papa petting his favorite cat out of our five cats. How he wants to throw them out but really don't have the heart to do so. I love eating home-cooked meals, we call them "real food" at home prepared by Mama. I like annoying my youngest sister, Nali, and asking her to do things for me. I like bugging my little brother, Doydoy, while he is watching a series on the internet. Rubbing his big belly and talking about how much weight he had gained over the years. I like teasing my younger sister, Bebs, to treat us to Jollibee or for an ice cream which usually happens. Though they endlessly tease me about being such a poor little Ate and a one day millionaire, I still love them. I just bought a book last night worth Php 900 and all I heard was, "Ate, share mo yung natutunan pagkatapos mo basahin."
Having such a loving family makes me want to provide more for them. So much more because they deserve it. Gotta make up my mind with that career path. With prayers and right conversations, I know I will get there. I have no choice but to get there anyway.
I can't wait to see how March unfolds for me.
I have an interview tomorrow at 1pm.