Rest vs Escape

I was a total wreck last night. It was a weekend I had been looking forward to but the universe had other plans for it not aligned with that of mine.

Anxiety Attack

Nesting period at work is something I am not taking lightly. It took me four years to get in and I only have 8 weeks to prove I am worth the post. Though I knew that this looks like a dead-end job, I still took it. I would like to see it as my comfort zone. Even finding a comfort zone is a tedious task.

My lolo, my uncle, my tita's father, another tita's father and my uncle's wife, they recently all passed away either by sickness or of old age.

School has been stressful as well. What I thought of as easy-breezy study courses turned out to be very very difficult. More than reading, it's the processing of all the information that really chewed up all my brain energy. I should have dropped these subjects or quit just like what I did with that course from another university. 

Looking forward to an escape for the weekend didn't go as planned because of the typhoon hitting the northern Luzon area. 

No Escape

All I really wanted was to escape, even just for a little while. The truth is, there is no escape at all.

There is no escape from mistake at work no matter how I try my best to get a score of a 100% on quality.

There is no escape from failing marks because I study to learn and because I know nothing.

There is no escape from disappointment because my plans are sometimes not God’s plan for me.

I needed rest not escape.

Shutting off from all the stressors won’t help me appreciate the good that comes after the storm. There is no escape after all. Once I come back from a getaway, the stressors would still be there. Sometimes, it had gotten worse.

Other Side of It All

Mistakes at nesting period should be taken as a period for mistakes and improvement.

Their deaths should be seen as the completion of their journey—they did not die young, they lived their lives well.
         
Pressure in school should be seen as a challenge. It is a place ti admit that I know nothing and I am willing to learn

Finally, there are reasons why things do go as planned. He probably did it in purpose to remind me to take it slow and stop running away when the going gets tougher than I can imagine.

Another  Day

After a sound sleep and waking up to the pitter-patter of the raindrops on the roof, I felt calmer. It is another day . Sitting down in front of my study table at home, made me see the books seeking my attention and waiting to be read. Prepping breakfast without rushing lead to a perfectly-cooked rice, something I had always been on struggle with. Greeting everyone good morning and then having lengthy conversations over breakfast. Then, walking back to my little safe space to reflect on how am I doing.

I felt calmer. The thought of the vanilla ice cream on the fridge made me smile. No need to brave the storm for a happy food. The thought of having time to reflect on my actions and decisions the past few days makes me grateful, especially for those that didn’t go as planned.

I needed this rest.

God wanted me to see things the way He had it planned for me—in His perfect time,

Lord, you think next weekend would be perfect to getaway? I promise, no more escape plans moving forward. 

















8 comments:

  1. How great that you are able to summarize everything and give reasons to each event. You need to talk to yourself because things that are affecting you are also your own doings. There is also no need for escape because the problem will still be there.

    You know what you should do, take things one at a time. Work and school will eat up your time, will give you stress and will make you feel down if things don't go your way. Make smaller steps and be glad for things around you. Just like the ice cream, or a call, or an sms from a dear friend, they can make your life more manageable.

    The trip did not push through because you will have a better one. Believe me you will say that it was good it did not push through. And with your age, there is always a next time.

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    1. Exactly, I need to work on taking things one at a time. This multi-tasking is making me sick... :'(

      Iniisip ko na ganun na lang nga.. Maybe, I'll go somewhere grand for a vacay.. Maybe... Who knows... Tiwala lang talaga....

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  2. I'm pretty sure you are in the process of being well made by our "Master" like this...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MJMowor2wk

    Keep calm. Typhoon will be gone soon.

    For the meantime, eat some rice and ice cream. Sarap na combo (daw) yan. ;)

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    1. LOL.. The rice cooking part is a struggle, believe me. Isang malaking achievement na yan. As my uncle would say, wala syang masabi sa aming academic standing, but when it comes to house and domestic chores, if he were our teacher, none of us will ever pass! Hahaha...

      Oh.. Calligraphy.. I dropped the idea of calligraphy since I got tired of looking for the pen lately. Maybe, I should try to look for it again.

      Wait, are you the same Anonymous from the previous post? Im wondering why people would want to keep their identity from me........

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  3. I'm sure everything will go back into place just don't let the stress devour you
    sometimes kapag sobrang stress din ako,,, i just go with the flow then I'll wait kung ano yung sunod na mangyayari.. it's all God's will after all cheers!

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    1. Yes Blue, this is just a passing time or in layman's term, Topakmoment. Anxiety attacks really get a lot of me and instead of putting it into the people I am with, I am putting it into writing. That's why I don't really advertise my blog because these are all personal accounts of me and a vent out avenue for me. Not a lot of people would be into....

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  4. Listen to Vienna. It's my go-to song when I'm in that mood. There's so much warmth when he tells you that everything will turn out fine. :)

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    1. I'll check them out. I had been listening to Vertical Horizon, The Kooks and Jason Mraz lately and Westlife just to perk up my mood. Will definitely check this out.

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