Online Dating

Here comes Tinder.

How it generally works

1.         You can log in to Tinder using your Facebook account. I haven’t really checked if there are other options specially for a paid access.
2.         It is a must to post a picture of yourself. Whatever the “best” shot of yourself, from 1 up to mostly 6 photos.
3.         There is a part where you can put a short description of yourself and who you want to meet.
4.         Then you should be connected to internet and give permission for the device to access your GPS location as it will look for matches within a certain range from your current location from 0-125km radius I think for a free access and even for those abroad if you subscribe to the paid one called Tinder Plus.
5.         Once matches are located, you will be randomly shown photos of people matching your set search options: Men Searching Men, Men Searching Women, Women Searching Women within a certain age range that you can also change depending on your preference.
6.         Once a photo is shown, you have three options: Swipe Left, Swipe Up, Swipe Right
a.          Swipe Left means you don’t like the photo shown. (Can’t really say you don’t like the person since you haven’t met them yet, so just the photo)
b.         Swipe Right mean you like the photo of the person that was shown.
c.          Swipe Up means you Superlike the photo of the person that was shown.
7.         If both users like the photos of each other, they will both be notified and that is the only time they can start a conversation. However, if the conversation don’t go well, there is also an option to just Unmatch so that person cannot bother you anymore.
8.         With that, Tinder had done it’s job to find you a match and it’s now up to the two of you to make the best out of it.

Thoughts on Tinder

I am not new to online dating.

I met my first boyfriend-turned-ex-boyfriend via online chat. It was more than a year of connection and various messaging apps before he decided to ask if we can meet in person and then everything is now history.

Everyone is just so hooked online and everything can be found online. Yes, even a date-- either you are looking for someone to start a long term connection or just for the sake of killing time. I have tried several online dating websites, a couple of years ago, I had even met my college fling on one of them where he was active. Exchanged a few messages, but no more flame to rekindle.

There are a lot of apps and website to choose from. From free to paid access.

One has to choose a picture of oneself that he/she thinks would make a good impression. One must choose the best photo- flawless and cool because you will be judged initially and solely by the looks. As aligned with Leo Buscaglia’s words from his book Living, Loving and Learning, that everything starts with physical attraction. Since you will be judged by the looks, you will start judging others by the looks as well. As the third law of motion suggests, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Being judged or judging, I really don’t know which comes first. Everything starts with the looks. How you look. How impressive your profile is and then once the conversation starts, next will be the unveiling of intentions.

Once you get a match and there would be a lot, conversations would start. It’s tiring to keep on introducing oneself. That’s what I felt. I felt tired and monotonous. I honestly sometimes just keep on swiping right. There was even a time that I got a warning saying that I ran out of likes and the next time I can swipe right again will be after 12 hours. As the lady in the match, I am not obliged to start a conversation. I would usually reply to those who would send me a message but most of the time, I just forget to do so.

I am tired of dating, in general. I had outgrown the fun of swiping right or left, meeting strangers and having meaningless conversations. I am simply tired. Maybe I was too hopeful with everything and it was the failed expectations that brought me this feeling.

Acquaintance. Dating. Courtship. Getting Steady. Engagement. Marriage. Family.

That was how I see how it should grow. But I seem to have been stuck at Acquaintance for reasons I really can’t pinpoint aside from my being stubborn. I am not even sure if I really know the mechanics of dating at all.



9 comments:

  1. This is interestingly new to me. I don't do online dating stuff, thus my fascination. With this post, I might try. Hehe

    I also find the introspective side of this piece very well laid out. I get you. It happens even in meeting real faces, when you are so eagerly waiting and waiting. I always tell my friends, try doing other activities, join new real orgs, get acquainted with new groups. Aside from possibility of meeting someone new, you are also helping yourself grow socially by building wider network of friends.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am challenging myself to do some technical writing in some topics I am personally familiar with so I can veer away from writing emo and not-so-reflective stuff. Arghhh. But at the end of it all, since it is familiar, I still can't help but expose myself.

      Also, since I am learning a new language that is very different in grammatical structure, I need to keep writing so I wont lose the grip. I am also thinking of writing something in pure academic Filipino. Haha. Sana mabuo ko.

      Go and try! Let me know how it works out for you!

      Delete
  2. Ah, dating on line. Period. End. Ha,ha,ha! The bitter me speaks out and for those who gets someone or more than one signing up to apps like this, I envy you all. Just wait my friend, I hope you like other Asian nationalities, he,he,he.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just stopped waiting and started focusing on what is currently important to my right now. Career goals. Career goals. Career goals.

      Hmmm.. I hope other nationalities would like to me too! Hahaha

      Delete
  3. Ganun pala yang Tinder na yan. Haha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This post is dedicated to you Sir OPs :)

      Delete
    2. Salamat. Sinubukan ko yung Tinder. Haha. Idedelete ko na. Sinubukan ko lang. At mas produktibo magbasa ng libro kesa mag swipe left at right. Hahaha.

      Delete
  4. Gurl! Try mo Grindr. Hhahahaha!

    I've never had any faith in these online dating. Though most of the stories I've heard from our fabulous kind (yes, we, the gay people, are the fabulous ones, though we can also be the saddest kind if we're so unlucky in love, well, it's me of course), they found their bf's online. How's that even possible?!

    I've always thought of myself as smart enough to survive in this world (though i really hate this planet and almost everyone. Okay, hate is a strong word. I do not like everything in this planet. Period.) but soon I realized too that I am not just prepared to face society and the world as a young adult. And lastly, I have no idea on how to get laid.

    But then, it think it's not the ignorance about having a relationship but it's my prudence (overwhelming prudence) and over analyzing sentiments and my future. Analysis paralysis. Or whatever, something like that.

    So now you've discovered Tinder. It all start with physical attraction really. That's why if you have friends who are better looking than you, ditch them immediately if you are in the perimeter of some cute guy. I never bring my bestfriends anymore whenever i am in my "prospecting mode". Targets look at them, and i never get the attention. Ugh, why do i look like an ogre!

    I'd like to preach here the dangers of online dating and the high chances of meeting the next Ted Bundy. But no, i won't because i think you deserve to be happy, even if it's a chance of having an affair with a monstrous serial killer. LOL!

    Anyway, in our quest to find love, I do hope we find it. And when it knocks on our door, I hope it is not too late for them.

    I am still "virgin", you know. Because i do not like sleeping around or have one-night stands with random guys. Also because I am fugly. But if I weren't like that, I would still be, uhm, how do you say it? A virtuous maiden? I'd like to believe that i will find the right guy too without having to go all that trouble.

    My friends, they met their first and only man. My sister's husband, he's his first boyfriend and the only man in her life.

    I am a hopeless romantic I guess, and I may believe in fairy tales and prince charming. I can't help it. It's a lot better than settling down with an asshole for the rest of your life, just because you got scared of living alone in the future.

    Whatever. It's just me ranting and saying random shits. LOL!

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  5. Speaking of the ills of online dating, one would be -- one bad date after another, and in rapid succession, too! Which is why I stopped looking altogether. If it happens, it happens. Ganun na lang.

    Two, people not being honest (profile photo pa lang nga minsan eh. And you ARE right, we are judged firstly by our looks.). I can understand why they cannot divulge many personal things on their "About You" pages because things do get iffy and complicated in real life. (Case in point: Me. I have...complications. But I am honest and tell the person at some point during the dating. What I cannot understand is why they can't lay all their cards on the table when I've gone naked as a mole rat already. Tangina, this. You now have material to blackmail me and I still do not know who the hell you are? Wow.)

    But on actual dates, however, one expects honesty and the "what's the deal with you" story. Naman, get real na. I'm a grown man, I've seen gory things as MMK and Ipaglaban Mo so whatever's eating you I would have probably read/seen in movies, et cetera and can handle it, by now. What are we, seventeen? Papa cute pa ba tayo???

    Three, most are not after relationships or friendships at all! This was the most surprising revelation of all, for me at least. Nagulat talaga ako. With men, some expect to get laid. With the ladies, some do get clingy and want-y, and I somehow get the feeling they're already naming our kids, first few drinks in, maybe dinner. That's fine, I guess, after all, that's THE DEAL down the road. But, like you've mentioned, THERE ARE STAGES. Let's all not skip all the other good parts. I want all the drama, all the kilig, going into the relationship. I want to be there as we work on the kinks. The bed can wait just one date more. Or two. Or three.

    I do not call because I was processing the evening, what was said, and how you'd fit into my life, or me, into yours. And if I do not call by the third day in, then yes, rightly assume I'm no longer interested.

    I am waiting for YOUR call because I dunno how you are taking the "complications" I have mentioned. Do you still want to pursue this? Would this be something you can deal with?

    Four, given the innumerous apps/platforms people are now on, you'd almost expect a review the minute you walk out the door. Imagine my horror as I go through fella's blog/twitter/IG/Fakebook account and seeing myself and the review (Bad date. Enough said.).

    My good woman, I echo your sentiments re "I'm tired." Ako din. So many nights a-wasted, there. Hahahaha.

    Hmmm. It might not be that you lack proper knowledge re the dating landscape. It's just, people have changed, altogether. Romance and chivalry is dead. I looked. Nada.

    If you find yourself trapped in the "Acquaintance" stage, then that's okay. It could be worse. (Think: A Really Bad Evil Ex or Friendzoned).

    So, lastly, ayus nga yan. Karir muna. After all, our good woman Beyonce's career took off the furthest kasi nagpaka working gurl sha muna vs her contemporaries, all of whom pinulot sa kangkungan for choosing er... the other option, first.

    Here's to you, then, and may it be a rockin' year ahead! (Baka nga busy lang si Prince Charming sa paper niya. O yun nga, nagpapakayaman din, like you. Bwahaha.)

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