Hugs.

Friend: Naka-move on ka na ba?
Me: (I faked a smile and shook my head)
Friend: Eh bat blooming ka? Nadidiligan ka no?
Me: Wish ko lang diba? Pero olats na nga ko sa lovelife, panget pa ko, di na makatarungan yun!

My friends don't really know the story. I just told them I am sad. But Easter Sunday dinner gathering wasn't really about me, it was about another friend who recently just got broken hearted and needed some comforting.

While the others were getting their coffee, my friend asked if I cried, I said, "Not really, But there are moments that my sinuses will just constrict and my eyes would start to water. Weird." To divert the story back to him, I asked him back if he cried. He said he did. He was trying to make a letter for him and he was sobbing so he never got to finish the letter he wrote. At least he tried, I said.

"Casual sex broke me." He said. I had no response.
"I gave up on us easily." He said. I could relate.
"Me, I just always ask why I am being caught up in situations I am in. I keep asking the universe." I said. "What have I done to deserve such encounters." I added.

"Gusto ko nang makaalis ng Pilipinas para makapagsimula ulit at makalimot." He said.
"Ako rin. Gusto ko na makaalis dito. Parang bagong buhay in a new place na walang nakakakilala sayo." I said.

The other two came back from getting their orders downstairs.

More coffee. Selfies. Groupies. More stories. At 9:30 PM, I had to leave.

It was Easter Sunday. Some say it's a day that signifies revival, renewal and reconnection after a week of reflection. We gathered that day as a sign of reconnecting with each other after being sort of busy with our own lives. A day of renewal of friendship as we shared new stories and experiences. Also, it's an April-Fool's-kind-of-Day as I listened to how love stories broke, put back together then got broken again each one of us, then the cycle just goes on and on .

Said my goodbye and he hugged me so tight and so long and then he hugged me tighter. I hugged him back. I wanna cry. It's been awhile that I got hugged as tight as that. A comforting hug that is not from my mama. I wish I could just stay in his arms and cry. It would have been a good release. But I have to go coz I might really just start crying.

Love and other foolish stories.

I just wrote this today because today is April Fool's Day.



6 comments:

  1. Ahh, think kind of meeting with friends. Medy matagal-tagal na rin na hindi ako nakarinig ng mga ganitong kuwento. Well kasi halos lahat sila settled na, iilan na lang kaming namomokpok pa para makasipat ng pang-take home. Haha.

    At regarding dun sa plan to work abroad para mabago ang paligid, at some point in my life napagdaanan ko rin yan pero I have not really considered it very seriously then so I never really worked abroad. And while reading that part of your story, I got reminded of JM De Guzman's line in the movie That Thing Called Tadhana.

    (not verbatin)
    "yong pupunta ka sa ibang lugar para mabago ang paligid, makapagsoul searching, malakas maka-burgis." :)

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    1. Yang pamomokpok Na yan ang di ko ma-push ng full force eh. May pumipigil. Badtrip! Haha..

      What struck me in the movie was Angelica's question, non verbatim: "panget ba ko? Bat walang magkagusto sakin?"

      Hahaha.. Oh that movie....

      My girl friends are also mostly settled or committed so they can't go out much. The other one, we just update each other via Snapchat naman. Hehe.

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  2. Iiyak mo yan cher Kat, sige, sabay tayong mag-iiyak. My only advice, do not fall in love with the first person whom you think is 'the one' because you are longing for someone. Fall in love because you feel right and that the other person also shows the same. (Hinugut ko yan sa aking karanasan).

    Since you went back to teaching, may I share what two people that I'd met told me, 'Gusto sana kita kaya lang, titser ka lang!" Sana makahanap ka ng magsasabing, 'Suwerte ko, titser na maganda, mabait at matalino pa! '

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    Replies
    1. I rarely or had never really had that tight of a hug for awhile except for Sunday's when I greet Mama, it made me filled with mixed emotions kasi kahit naman bakla siya, the gesture and warmth is still that of a man.

      I guess my own advice to others is apt to me as well. I have so much love to give and it's not right. Kasi anything that is too much is bad. Well, in the first place, I am not hurry, I was happy being that close but not intimate... I was just watching things unfold them suddenly, it was gone. I don't know what else to say.

      Sana nga po meron at marinig ko yan at ng bawat teacher din SA kanilang mga partners :)

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  3. I'll echo Doods on this one. Sabi nga nung old Pantene ad, "Shine. Believe you can."

    Mga impaktong ogag na yan kasi. Di ka tunay na nakikita. So take heart, and believe he's out there. Baka busy lang sa thesis o start-up business o kung ano pa.

    Meanwhile, stay amazing.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. Walang ibang choice kundi to get better and be well. It was my fault anyway. I owe myself awesomeness. Hahahaha..

      Start up business!! Wiii! Para sa future namin :) Hahaha....

      You stay awesome too!

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