The Day I Stopped Being Fearless

My life has been somewhat routinely for the past 3 years I think or maybe a few more months added to that.

The “See Your Memories” option in Facebook reminded me of so many good times-- of mountains I had climbed, of places I had explored, of people I had met once and never again, of people I had cut ties with, of so many fearless moments, of that person I had once loved so much.

Being surrounded with so many wonderful people can make me realize how small and incapable I can be. It sets that insecurity within. After so many failures and rejections, self-doubt would eat me up. It’s tiring and it’s painful. So much comparison with others had also crippled me a few times. Then fear starts to set in, I can never do it coz I am not that person. I used to be bold and fearless. I used to have so much confidence that I can do things and reach many heights. But now, all that belief in myself seem to have faded away. 

Right now, I like the feeling of calmness and repetitiveness my life is having. I like the minimal rush. Oh well, there are times I need to chase the bus in the morning if I arrive at the terminal a few minutes late. Very minimal rush it is. I like the Saturday night FPJ movie time with the folks. It’s also a quiz-time for them as I ask who and who among the actors and actresses were in the films. I like the Sunday Skype/Phone calls from home or their random evening visits. I like the idea that I get to survive weeks and months with minimum salary. But I’m not sure that’s good as I am almost about to exhaust the emergency funds I had set aside.

Maybe I really didn’t stop being fearless. After all, life is not all about Fearlessness. It’s about many things-- Appreciation. Family. Calmness. Gratitude. Faith. Love. Hope. Rest. Waiting.

Maybe I am just taking a little bit of a break from all the craziness life has to offer.

I sure miss it. The rush. The unfolding. The excitement. The realization.
And I know something big is out there for me that will ask for boldness and fearlessness.
One day. Someday. Soon.  

7 comments:

  1. Fear of the unknown. Fear of uncertainty. As we grow older, we gather a variety of information from our surroundings; things we know, but do not fully understand, creates that nagging feeling -- anxiety. The more we know, the more we think; and the more we think, the more we are riddled with uncertainty. This, in turn, fuels the fear that lies deep in our subconscious. Before we know it, our lives have become governed by fear itself.

    Emotions are part of being human. We all live with fear, but there is no state of fearlessness. Even those whom we see as fearless used to be stricken with fear at one point in time. They simply chose to make that one step -- forward, into the unknown... and another step, choosing to be at peace with uncertainty. This decision, this choice, eventually led to creating an image of "fearlessness".

    Turn your past into a foundation for the present; and let the present fortify your future. Be guided by all the good things that has happened to you. Do not be limited by what was; be empowered by what will be.

    You didn't lose your being fearless -- you simply forgot how to slap uncertainty in the face. Take a deep breath, and make that first step.

    がんばって!  d(^.^)b

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    1. Doumo Arigatou Gozaimashita BGO-san :)

      Yes, forward. Onward.

      I just read this in a book and made me think for myself. As for your comment, the thought ddefinitely provoked some thinking as well :)

      Hope you had a great vacay in Manila. Too bad, we didnt get to meet. Next time, maybe. Godspeed po!

      Delete
    2. Doumo Arigatou Gozaimashita BGO-san :)

      Yes, forward. Onward.

      I just read this in a book and made me think for myself. As for your comment, the thought ddefinitely provoked some thinking as well :)

      Hope you had a great vacay in Manila. Too bad, we didnt get to meet. Next time, maybe. Godspeed po!

      Delete
  2. Very well said candidate no. 1 hehehe :)
    Ganda ng pagkakasulat mo cher Kat, nadarama.
    Actually, binasa ko sya na parang isang karakter na nagna-narrate habang may mga eksena isang movie hahaha, ganyan ang peg :)

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha.... Pero nasan ang korona?
      Hindi ako ang nagwagi!

      Delete
  3. You are missing the old you but remember that you are building a new you. You are frustrated as to the speed of what is happening now. However, some things cannot be hurried. It is better to be secure rather than do things in haste. We will be here to support you, through some encouragement and love. Share your stories and we will share ours. In that way, you will see how lucky you are now. Take care my friend.

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    1. One thing my generation had failed to embrace... that sometimes, the best results take time--that metamorphosis is a long term process and had to undergo a lot of pressure and heat.

      I honestly miss it, but what could I say, I've been there, done that, it's time for something else. It's time to prove that patience and faith has more power than haste.

      I know that things didn't turn out as planned, but I still hope you are enjoying this summer vacation... See you next month? Hehehe...

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