Just Another Countdown

I wonder how my parents really felt on that day that I was born.

On a very early Sunday morning of the 17^th of August, in one rented house, I was born. Third in order, first-born girl in a family of six siblings.

Today didn't go as planned, we were supposed to have dinner someplace but I opted to have it cancelled due to the inclement weather. I pictured it to be a great family gathering, my older brother arrived from Abu Dhabi for a 1-week vacation, and my other siblings work within the vicinity, my parents, my cousin and my tito and tita would all be there. None of that happened. Just because I am scared that we will all be stranded at the mall if ever the heavy rains fall.

I just decided to buy take-out from a famous Chinese restaurant with which my mother loves the nanking beef and the stir-fried noodles. Kuya met me at the mall, saying that he needed to buy something for Papa’s printer. He also offered to buy me a birthday present which I accepted without any second thoughts. I chose a good pair of sneakers I can wear in school and during my early morning walks to school. I’m so excited to wear it tomorrow. I hope the rain would stop! Hahaha

Thirty and Still Adulting

This would have been the title of my epic 30^th birthday post. I wasn't really able to complete it as it is. I most likely didn't take time to sit down and reflect on things. Until this moment. My 20s had been phenomenal. A lot has happened with my career path and priorities in life. During my early 20s, all I wanted was to earn a lot of money so I can help my parents send my younger siblings to school, pay bills at home and get to travel on the side. Come mid-20s, I fell in love and just when I had pictured myself to be married and all, my heart got broken. That was a great turning point in my life. I had to slow down and take a deeper look at what are those important things in my life—family, self-respect, self-worth, redemption, forgiveness, faith, ambition, future.

I have done so many things that I am not proud of and I probably would still be doing some of it in the future, I really hope not the same ones though. Every day, it’s a struggle to prove one’s worth. I sometimes even question myself if I am really doing things the right way.

One thing I can never stop doing will be to expect.

I expect that today’s actions will mold me to whom I want to be in the future.

I expect that some day, I can build a house for my parents.

I expect that one day, a prince will sweep me off my feet and save me from this loneliness.

With so much expectations, I expect that I will get hurt. A lot of times. Many times than I expect.

I’ve learned to live with it for the past 29 years, I don’t think that can change in the coming years. Looking at the other side of expectations, I had accomplished so many other things, I’ve learned a lot in life and it continually fuels me to dream. Dream more. Then do more than dream.

I wonder how my 30s will look like. Will still be able to write about it? Would I want to write about it? Will I be able to reach my dreams? Will I have a story to share? Will I get to inspire others?

Tomorrow, the 17^th of August will be an ordinary day. Another 24 hours that will come and end. Just like the other days when I continue to expect and try to keep up with.