Life of a Kat

 It's my brother's birthday today!  I know I haven't been journaling more regularly recently because life drifted me away from my priorities.  I still got sore throat but I have no more fever. I have no COVID. Thank God.  I vow to keep routines in place and in check and hopefully that would keep my life flow smoothly and more healthy.  A few more days and it's my birthday season! 

As much as you try to keep it all together, there will always need to be a time to let it all out and let the tears flow.  Today is one of those days. It's gonna be weird to tell people that I am having anxiety attacks at the moment that it is happening, so I'll just write it down.  The anxiety of not being the one chosen, being left behind, alone and that sudden bouts of sadness that suddenly springs out of nowhere.  I'll just let myself calm down for now. 

 Time check: 12:10AM 19 July Way past bedtime but I would just like to note how my day had gone.  It had been smooth and just calm.  Work in the morning.  A bit of shopping for cushions in the car and in my table at home.  Decided to throw away more stuff on Thursday and can definitely feel how liberating that will feel. HAHA  Totally needing to throw away more stuff just because I still need a lot of space to claim.  I need to sell my books so I can earn money, clear my space and just keep on decluttering.  I need to read more books.  My thesis writing will have a kickstart this year, no matter what.  My dream of creating a school will also start this year.  As for dating, well, ask me another day.  I am still longing to go home to someone and just talk about my day.  Tomorrow, the ball starts rolling again.  Just because you're lonely doesnt give you the right to deprive yourself of pursuing your dreams. 

I haven't been really taking time to just sit down and do nothing. My mind has been wandering all over places and people and thoughts and the next thing I know, I haven't really accomplished much. This morning felt a bit better after a stretch exercise, and then I had also gone out for more ropes and a meeting. It was nice.  Then a notice in my inbox about my recently manifestation for an international trip, arrived. My Australian Visitor Visa has been granted :) Preparing all the documents for application was quite a journey which I thought has no end. But eventually, I was able to submit my application and today, with full on giggles, I am excited, imagining the long flight that I will be taking, the airport layovers and the musings this trip will have for me.  Will be booking the flight and eventually will figure out ways  to responsibly manage funds as the flight schedule comes closer and closer.  Taking time to figure things out, one step at a time. 

 The day went by and I bought a lot of stuff.  It had been a day of impulsive buying and I just need to calm myself down.  But here's today's highlight:  Forever grateful for sisters and siblings. ❤️

 No matter how tired I am today. I am just gonna write as much as I can about today.  The Bousai Camp is back and I joined the Sunday event. I dragged my friend with me and I thought she will just be fine but I actually didn't consider a lot of things like the full schedule, things to do, what to bring and other things she might want to consider since its the only day off the week we got and she has a husband to come home to and not single like me. Next time.  For me, I was happy and just grateful that we were able to drive back home safely.  I started watching the new epis of Stranger Things but I cant concentrate so I will just re-watch when I am recovered.  I certainly miss the Sundays that I spend on Zoom but today was a good break from the tech.  Typhoon here we go. As long as there will be no thunderstorm and lightning, I probably will be fine.