29 Aug 2022

-

 I had a breakdown last night. 

I got home with all my stuff from the recent work and camping trip scattered on the floor, the kitchen filled with dinnerware needing to be washed, piled up dirty clothes on another side, I haven't had enough sleep from last night's camping location, the hangover from a fun night jam at a Filipino restaurant, I just couldn't take it anymore. I tried going to bed and then I just started sobbing. 

What's different about last night was, I had a friend come and helped me out clean the room, clear the floor, comfort me and hugged me. 

The hug felt good. It was warm. His arms around me made me feel so tired yet safe. I cried a bit more. I didn't wanna let go, but I know that I had to its late and he had to go home and sleep to be able to work the next day. And if he hadcstayed a little bit longer, we both would regret what happens next. I'm glad he left right away. 

I thought I will be able to sleep. It looked like I did but I would wake up and when I close my eyes again, I see me standing in the middle of my room, resting my head on his shoulders, my arms around him, fingers of one of his hands massaging my head. I wanted to stay that way for long. To not move. As if the whole world stopped spinning and everything will be alright. 

It eventually did. I woke up still a bit slow and with swollen eyes from crying last night, stuck on bed for more than an hour before deciding to get up and go for breakfast and morning commitments. Then, things did feel a bit better. 

There are still tasks to do for the day and I intend to get as much as I could accomplished today. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Feel free to comment :)

Popular posts from this blog

11 Sept 2023

-
​I weighed in and I’m at 55kgs today. I need to lose 7kgs to get down to my ideal weight.  I am filled with so much frustration right now about myself. I was able to reach it for 2 years and here I am falling out from it.  I am not sure which one I got so much high from, was the journey of being fit or being fit in itself. I remember telling myself that exercising and working out and seeing results of weight loss can bring a different kind of high, it’s addicting like everything else coz once you have somewhat reached a peak level of fitness in comparison to the previous self, it brings so much joy and confidence like never before. And I even told myself before, “If being fit is a form of addiction, this is the kind of addiction I would like to get stuck with for life.” I used to be the only one posting and sharing my fitness journey, now almost everyone who just used to message me about working out and weight loss, they are on the peak of achievement of their body goals.  It is so fru
Read more

It's her time to go.

-
It's her time to go. I keep telling myself. Today, my former co-worker, E had already left for Hiroshima. She quit the company we used to both work for and had decided to find another job in another place for several reasons. I was hoping to see her before she leaves just so I can also thank her personally and wish her well on her way. I know it would have been emotional and wacky at the same time. She told me that she had intended not to see me because she is avoiding the emotional breakdown that may arise as she leaves the city. She has been crying all week-long, she said. I sent her a message telling her that another co-worker is set to resign and that I had decided to take a holiday flight back home at the end of December and be back on New Year's Eve in Miyazaki. I will be spending the last day of 2018 enroute back to Japan and welcoming 2019, either in a bus enroute to Miyazaki or in a capsule hotel in Fukuoka. Just because with the sudden changes, I may have di
Read more

29 Sept 2023

-
 Second to the last day of the 9th month of the year. then, 3 more months to call it a wrap for this month.  If my life will be a content that I will curate a story from, I wonder how it will all turn out? Will it be a story people will be willing to pay for? Will it be a story I am willing to share to the world?  Am I willing to share my flaws? My bads?  Of course I am excited to tell the world my triumphs, my inspirations, my dreams, ..... my journey.  But it isn't easy. Even here, sometimes, writing can be very painful. Most of the time, I am just lazy to move and write. 
Read more