7 Sept 2022

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 Thought I'll do some scattered brain spill tonight. 

After a very calm date night by the river under a waxing gibbous moon and a before bedtime conversation with the family. 

As of now, the only reason I am online is for this blog entry and restraining myself to open my social media accounts to check on messages. 

I told my mom that I might have a boyfriend soon but I am not sure. Her response was: 

"Ikaw bahala, ikaw naman makikisama dyan, habang buhay." 

"Ma, nakakatakot naman yang sagot mo, boyfriend lang naman to." 

But it dawned on me also that her statement is kinda true. As commented by my youngest sister, I am not getting any younger and what else is there to do, but to invest feelings on someone that would be for a lifetime partnership. 

I don't know how to describe this feeling and experience but if I would take a look back, this kind of encounter is what I dreamed of. 

I dreamed of a man who would have that sense of humor to keep up with my sarcasm. 

I dreamed of a man who would take time to listen to me.

As for patience and understanding, it is still something to be tested, as I totally unfold my mood swings and unbarred words and banter. 

I dreamed of a man who would admire me as I am and just make me feel so pretty from head to foot despite all my imperfections and insecurities. 

I dreamed of this day and this kind of man to come into my life and now as it feels like it is slowly unfolding in front of me, I am overwhelmed to the point that I am seeing things as too good to be true and it scares me and it overpowers that excitement of knowing what lies ahead with the two of us together if this is all indeed just true as it is meant to be. 

They said that brave people aren't really fearless ones, they are those people who still do things they fear of, ... they do it scared of it and then that's when the best of them comes out of it all. 

Day 3 on my period and this is where my overthinking brain had taken me. 

For one, I wasn't even formally asked for anything and here is my brain calculating on what could be a perfect day that would make it all official, then realizing that isn't even my job. My job here is to be just the awesome me. Haha. 

I should get to bed now. I wanted to read that new book by George R.R. Martin and thank goodness that my ebook is battery drained and needed to be charged. I am sticking to my Japanese anthology for tonight. 

Good night, Moon. I am excited to see you in full moon state. 


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