How to Self-Sabotage or Not

If there is one topic I can probably write about so well, but still not with a good outline just yet, it will probably be on the topic of self-sabotage: A Guidebook on How to Self-Sabotage.

For the past years since the pandemic ended, I seem to have lost a lot of not all, the joy in exploring, discovering and pushing for writings. A lot of things happened since then, both good and bad and I couldn't be more thankful for finding my person. 

Finding and living a life with my person has so far been the highlight of my days. Every day, I am grateful and happy for it. As he works on growing himself in front of me, I felt a bit of shame, telling myself that I used to have the same attitude, what has changed? 

The academic struggles seem to have been forgotten, the joy for journaling waded for a bit and it appeared days were always busy when the truth is, it wasn't. It was just passing through like it is supposed to be and I have been losing all the time by staring, scrolling, and spending wastefully. 

I have started to pick up myself. I requested for re-admission in the university for the option of continuing that Thesis Writing subject. If I would look back, I actually only had one point of rejection with the topic proposal and I let it make MA dreams come crashing. Before that, I thought all my hardwork were hardwork but it appeared that they were just necessary things I have to do coz its part of it. What I didn't realize was that, thesis writing will need a much more different playbook, putting all the things I had learned before into action. 

I need to be able to ask the right questions, curate my own style of gathering ideas and dream a little bit more bigger, just a little bit bigger than I used to coz moving forward, what I can be and I can achieve will not just be for myself, it will be for a family that we would like to build together. 

For the meantime, as I restart on my academic path, it is also the best time to grow together, forcing ourselves to practice good habits such as this picking up on journaling, a healthier lifestyle, a more mindful way of purchasing things and investing again and again in experiences.