Life of a Kat

 Mother's Day hits different for me now.  Last year when I was pregnant and people started greeting me Happy Mother's Day, I was really excited. I felt honored. I felt seen.  This year, as the main caregiver of our 6-month old baby, I can't really say it is a fun thing to do. With all the bodily changes, the hormonal somersaults, the pains, the lost of sleep, the self-reinvention that needs to be done, the self expectations that had been built--- painful. For some, it may have been easy to let go, for others, it was tough. For me, I emerged from the tough side of letting go. But I am eventually able to learn to take the path of rebuilding my self and the new identity I have alongside those I would like to keep being.  Being here today and for everyday of my life,  I would like to hug my mom more and more, she carried and took care of 6 of us and still is, in many ways, acts and prayers and I may have heard her complained but she never stopped showing her love an...

 My little Hiraya is now 6.5 months and I keep telling her to slow down in growing up. Until now, there are moments when it feels unreal that we are already in this stage of life and that it is finally happening. I had always thought that I was bound to be an oldmaid and just gonna die alone.  I would like to always remember what my boss had said, "it is always a good change to welcome a baby into one's life".... I am taking that to heart and embracing this mama life that is growing in me.  Having a baby and to take care of one is such an honor because they innocently and truly can make you feel needed and that the others around them dont matter anymore as soon as you are around.  There are just a lot of fears here and there, but I just try to calm myself down, trying not to worry about things unseen, the future and all the other studd that just pops into my head because I scroll too much.  As always, my own desire is to be able to write more, to be able to docu...