Time Alone

I was digging into my email for a copy of my resume and got this....

Sent on 3/7/2012, antagal na pala. Makapag-emo nga muna... hahaha....

It's been almost two years now. Minsan sa buhay ko, na-in-love ako, nakasakit ng damdamin at nasaktan in the end. But that doesn't stop me from loving again. As to when, only time can tell.

Dear ____,

I am so sorry for everything. No words or thing could ever equate to the pain and havoc I had cause to your heart. This is me, trying to pick up the pieces of myself and trying to be a better person that I can be after all those mistakes I had done. I am sorry if I had stopped you from being happy with someone else, it was the selfish me who was talking back then. I am sorry for causing you so much confusion for I myself was lost and don't know what to do. 

I am sorry for letting you be part of my misery. When all of these had started, all I was wanted was to be happy. To be that girl a man could ever need. I was blinded and made a fool out of myself in the end. 

My healing will take a little while, that I know. I am back to my old self. Afraid of commitment. Scared to trust someone else and scared of a man's touch. As I look around me, I am quite so blessed with a lot of people who care about me, my family, my friends and used to be you. But I can't depend on you anymore at this of my life since I was the one who broke your heart.

At this moment, I am so so sad but I had to fight the urge to get in touch with anyone else but myself and God. I had to be alone coz that is the only way for me to start getting back on my feet and move on. All I am asking from you is for you to include me in your prayers coz that's the only thing that keeps me sane and strong. I am also praying for you that you forgive me for all the pain I had caused you and that you find true happiness that I had never been able to give you. 

I also wanna say sorry to that girl who had comforted you while I was not by your side. Not that I want to see you ending up with her, but I know I had said bad words to her. I hope she stops bugging you for the mean time, coz just like me what you need is some peace and quiet. 

For now, I am fighting the urge not to talk to you or to anyone else and I can say that it is really hard but I have no choice. 

I miss my old self more than anybody else. 

Please take care of yourself. I am not there anymore to nag you and fix your stuff. You are always a special part of me.

God bless you. 

Loving you so much,
Katkat


Alam ko may mga love letters din ako noon. Makalkal nga. 

28 comments:

  1. Ka touch naman ang letter mor. BUt the good thing is we all learn from our mistakes and the best is yet to come.)

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    1. Exactly Mamijoy, just gotta wait :D Kaso minsan kakainip din...lels...

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  2. makalkal nga din ung mga love letter ko lol.

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    1. hahahaha... push yan! kalkalin din ang dating feelings! lol

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  3. hindi ako maka-relate,
    wala akong mga love letters mam yccos hehe

    puro mga letters from friends lang :)

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    1. Haha.. Mahilig kasi ko magsulat ng love/hate letters....:P hahanapin ko pa nga lang kung mga nasan na....

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  4. ssssssssiiiissss!!! hahahahaha im back sana totoo na ito!! split! hahahaha

    makikiemote nga rin ako...

    the only thing i can say is you are brave enough to acknowledge and face that pain. people gone through pain, hurt once in a while and what's important in the end, it is how we stood up and face another chapter of our life. i'm glad u made it and ur happy now!! i misssss beerry much!! hahahaha

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    1. Can I just say, I miss you much telelalabells! I hope youre back for good :) kasi nawawalan ng moderator ang mga blogs! Wahahaha...

      Im one proud survivor!! Waiting for the next challenge :) :)

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  5. ang sad naman, parang ang lalim ng story behind this

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  6. Si ano ba ito? Or someone na hindi mo pa naikwento? lol

    Makapagkalkal nga din. :3

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    1. Hmm.. Si ex yan syempre though hindi ko pa nakwento nang buo kung ano talaga nangyari at meron pang-isa kong kwento.. Hahaha..

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    2. I mean, may isa pa kong kwento. Kaso sabi mo magylo ko magkwento, kaya wag na lang! Hahaha

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    3. Ang gulo mo rin mag-explain eh. LOL

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  7. parang ang lalim ng story behind this,
    at ang sad:(

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    1. Hmmmm..Di ko alam mecoy how deep eh.. Siguro nga oo, malalim and who knows maybe one day, I'd share it here :) For now, ayan, pakalkalkal lang muna ng nakaraan..Haha

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  8. Wow, lumalablayf ka Kat haha! On a serious note, each one of us undergo both extremes in love - that is - feeling of being super inlove and feeling of being out of love. But in both cases, it's the experience that matters, lessons will always surface in every experience about love. We must learn to make them as guide as we seek another opportunity into it. Apparently, it's hard to decide on things when one is still in the midst of a not so happy relationship. But it is liberating as well, if you'll learn to understand why it happened in each of us. As an end note, just don't set limits upon yourself. You can always find the right one in the long run. And it does not mean just because you came from a very challenging situation, the same will happen to you. People are different from one another. We, as men, cannot be equated the same with one another. There will always be those whose intention are so pure. Kaya just open your mind and eyes lang, malay mo one day soon, you'll suddenly meet that one person na swak na swak sa panlasa mo and likewise. Keep the faith in love.

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    1. Being surrounded with the right people, I had never lost faith in love. I know, some day, it will happen again :) Minsan nga lang, it can't be helped, we are judged because of our past and things we've done wrong which sometimes makes it hard to trust others and their intentions.

      I wanted to look back to that point in my life and notice what has changed from that time up to now. Nothing much really, if ever there is, the pain and the lesson had made me more mature and wiser. I can never promise that I will never make a mistake in love again, hopefully not the same. Ever.

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  9. Sorry, hindi ko binasa ang love letter mo. :3

    Anyways, buti at handa ka pang mag mahal. :)

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    1. Living is loving :-)
      Ang tao kahit ilang ulit masaktan at makasakit, magmamahal at magmamahal pa din:-)

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  10. hmn... ang haba... ang lungkot... ang tanong... naka-recover na ba ang pusa?

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    1. Malungkotbtalaga.......

      With the guy, I guess, Im long over him, but with what I've gone through, Im not sure. Im not sure of myself....waaaa.. hirap iexplain, pwede physics problem na lang? Lols

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  11. Nakakatuwa kasi it reminds me of many things. What with all the experiences, sometimes we still do the same thing. In your case, you showed strength and acceptance.

    Love letters are very personal but because they bring lessons to those who read them, it becomes another learning experience for the readers, the writer and the receiver.

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    1. hmm.. i never had second thoughts of posting this letter. This is a part of my past of which I had a rollercoaster ride... How I wish I can always be that strong and accepting....How I wish.

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  12. We are capable of loving. Kahit gano pa tayo nasaktan noon :)

    someday darating yung taong magpapaalala sayo na marunong kang magtiwala at magmahal.

    Happy new year :p

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    1. Check ka dyan Bagots! Nasan na ang aming Online Superhero? Pa-update naman jan!

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  13. Dear Katkat,

    We're fortune's fools when we wallow in the infinite pools of that goddamn sentiment we call love. It takes two to build a life together, and it takes two (and in some cases more than two because of the queridas and the douchebags) to destroy it altogether. If you say you're sorry and you're asking forgiveness, then it should be given to you, because you're not the only reason why this relationship never worked.

    We all seek happiness. The question is how do we seek it? And how do we get it? The mistake that we often make is that we only seek it when we are in a relationship, and never sought after it when we were independent.

    It's true what you said, that your healing will take a while. It doesn't matter when you will be healed, the important thing is that the healing process has begun.

    You don't have to be afraid of commitment. And do not be afraid to move on, otherwise life would go on without you. Every time we come to the end of our relationship, lessons about life are presented before us, and it is up to us if we are going to learn these lessons or not. And I hope you've grown wiser after this, stronger after this, and more confident about yourself and what your looking for.

    At this moment I hope that you've been enlightened by God's grace. It wouldn't be easy for someone who was left behind to pray for the one who left the former with a broken heart. However, time will heal everything, and circumstances will teach many things. As we grow wiser, we will look at all of these behind us and laugh, or perhaps just smile while feeling a small tinge of pain. One thing is for sure, we will learn something and then look back at this phase of our lives.

    I hope in our solace we find our new beginnings.

    Sincerely yours,

    Yung epal na sumagot ng letter mo para sa ex mo dahil naniniwala ako na ang pag-ibig ay parang isa tasang ketchup kapag may piyesta- malaya ang makisawsaw!

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    1. Sir Trips! Kaaliw at kapupulutan ka talaga ng aral. Dalasan ko nga ang pogpost ng ganito.. Hahahaha

      Hindi ka epal, isa kang henyo :)

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    2. Sobra naman. umepal lang ako, henyo na agad. I never claimed to be smart or intelligent. My only claim to life is that I am an internet sex icon. Nyahahaha! Kapal ng mukha!

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