These are the only ways I can think of.

I had just completed another module in my Foundations of Reading subject. I am technically ahead by one module in this class but 2 modules delayed in my Theories of Language Acquisition subject. Help!

As I am still trying to pick myself from reading very very slow with all these academic terms and concepts, I can’t help but panic for myself if I will be able to finish this degree at all, or choose the other one: I will give up. But so far, I choose to persevere and do the best I can to finish.

Aside from this personal disappointment, I am also bothered by the recent killing of a teenager boy back home. He was murdered by some policemen who accused him of being connected to some illegal drug acts, but the evidences surrounding his death says it was a brutal murder and an act of violation. I feel so much hurt and helplessness for I am but an OFW, away from home, and even if I am home, I can probably not help them in any. I can only make a little noise and clamor to shout justice for his death. On top of that, I feel fear for my own siblings and friends who can also become helpless victims of this sudden killings and violence in Manila. I never imagined that in my lifetime, I will experience such fear and acts of terror, for there were already heroes in the past who offered their lives so I can live in a free and safe Philippines. I am more than 4000 miles away from home, but I feel the fear and the anger for the government whose ultimate purpose is to take care of its state. The democracy that freed us is also the same democracy that is binding us all in fear. I may have left PH, but my soul is planted in it.

I can only watch from afar, shout from beyond the seas and pray to God to provide justice for that young soul of Kian. These are the only ways I can think of.

Maybe, study harder also? So I can be a better teacher. Not for just the Philippines but for the entire world.





What is your biggest phobia?

365 QOTD

What is your biggest phobia?

I actually got a lot. Not just one.

I'm scared of typhoons more than I'm scared of earthquakes.

I'm scared of blood and I can't stand watching The Walking Dead.

My greatest fear is rejection

Meow turns 31


It's August 17th, 2017, my first birthday in Japan, I planned to just get stuck at the library and study.

That didn't happen.

From a birthday surprise on the eve of August 16th, by my new Japanese friends. My heart was already beaming with gratefulness for a wonderful surprise.

Before that, I got the Converse Chuck Taylor Sneakers I wanted courtesy of a friend from the US, on top of a Bulova wristwatch that is also on it's way. That's more than enough actually. Then, the book I ordered came 3 weeks earlier than expected! I told myself, I am already receiving more than I asked for, and it's too much to ask for something more.

Seventeenth came and I spent breakfast with Tita G at McDo. Then, as promised, I am supposed to cook something for the team in school. Easy-peasy. Then I can go back to my books. I thought, but I was wrong.

My MiyazakiGirlfriends asked what I plan to do and if we can hang out, I said, yeah, we can stay at my house. But they had other plans......










We went to this famous park and did a lot of picture-taking! I really didn't care that I was wearing a dress and a wedge sandals. As long as we were all having fun. At 5pm, we were on our way home and the kids were hungry, so we dropped by at KFC to eat. L left, said that she has to go somewhere and when she came back, she was holding a box of cake, lit up the candle, sang the birthday song, asked for me to make a wish then blow off the candlelight. I thought, I wouldn't have a cake this year. I told myself that at least I will buy myself flowers but I didn't have the time. I had also settled to the idea that I got no birthday cake this year. At least that saves me from getting more calories. As long as the important people in my life remembers, it is more than enough.


                                                             

Dinner came and Tita G said she prepared something and will be bringing some food! With Ms. E's speech about the Sapporo beer, it was a total laugh! It was a simple feast with the people I had gotten use to calling my family in here. It was wonderful.


The birthday wish.

I guess it is human nature to be not contented or is it just me? I feel so loved today but I am still wishing for that one person to remember me and my day. But the day is almost over and not a sign of remembrance, I wished for him to remember and to stay. Maybe, I should have just got stuck to that usual birthday wish of good health, loving family and friends, success in career and for "the one" to arrive. I should have just stuck to that and not wished for him. But I wished for him.

What was the worst thing you ate today?

365 QOTD

What was the worst thing you ate today?

Oh. Rice is the culprit. Lemme rephrase that. Too much rice it is.

Rice in the morning. Rice for lunch. Rice with tonkatsu for late dinner finale! 😨

So I won't feel guilty, I will have to study until 2am tonight.

Universe, gimme strength, gimme love, gimme peace, gimme life. The truth is, gimme the medicine for indolence. I pray.

On a scale of 1-10, my day was a _______.

365 QOTD
On a scale of 1-10, my day was a _______.


My day was a 7.

******
I started the day like usual. Decent breakfast and a few readings for school. A documentary video on Space Exploration.

Then, the postman drop something on my posthole-- a rejection letter for a visa application that I had applied for a few weeks ago. I really should have gotten that JCB card instead. But I can always go back and work on that in the future.

Also had to deal with my frustrated little sister who had ran out of patience explaining to my dad why we cannot disconnect the cable services for the tv.

I didn't have any class today but will have a full-packed Saturday, so I took the time to prep for that. Luckily, it was quite smooth and I had the rest of the day to finish my module for LLE 201- Theories in Language Acquisition, which I did, but there are a few other that I needed to have more time, so I plan to finish tomorrow.

Tita G suddenly sent a message saying that we are going out for dinner. So, I rushed home, dropped my bags and changed clothes and went to the meet up place. We had yakiniku for dinner. Since Tita G wasn't in the mood for drinking, I opted to go to The Bar for a round and probably go home.

But, it didn't happen that way. Ms. Y was in the house! She had co-workers with her and were kind enough to let me join the group. It was fun and Ms. Y was translating those things I cannot understand and what her colleagues meant as well. I'm also getting better at playing billiards with Shige-san as my teacher.

We capped the night with a karamen!

I should be in bed by now as I still have a breakfast date with Tita G tomorrow.

********
Truly, life is surprising me in many simple ways. With kind people surrounding me, keeping me away from assholes and just reminding me to take care of myself for the right person to come.

But still.......

No matter how challenging my day had been, my day is nothing compared to what they are commemorating today--- The Nagasaki Bombing. Hiroshima Bombing was Aug 6th, I'm just not sure but it was just a few days ago too.

I remember going to Peace Park in Nagasaki and that Memorial obelisk where the bomb was dropped, it felt heavy and deeply sad. Each visitor can only a prayer and bow for the eternal repose of the souls of those lives spared on those fateful day. Japan was never the same again after that.



But still.......
..... seriously, Wednesday, how cruel can you get?

I started my day pretty well. Did some cooking and laundry as well.

Then, it all started when I was about to go to work.
Just a few steps away from my house, raindrops started to fall, and then in a matter of seconds, it was a downpour! I had to leave my bike somewhere and walk to the bus station. It hasn't been 5 minutes from the time I left and I am already soaking wet. Debated if I will go back to my house and bring extra clothes, but decided to move forward instead. Caught the bus then fled to work. I have a 12noon class and my pants was soaked with rain. Ugh.

On lunch break, while checking my Study Portal.
The teacher uploaded updated Study Guide and deadlines. Had she updated the portal site on time last Saturday, I could have started working on the other write ups. All now due on the 11th. Why herrrrrr? Why now?

You didn't stop there.
When I decided to pick up my bike from where I left it, I can't find my key! I thought I left it in the bike, but wasn't there. That was 30 minutes walk back and forth. Only to find that the key was stuck inside my eyeglasses case inside my handbag. Why you do this to me?

Then, I got home only to be shocked by a flying cycada landing on my face! I am very sorry my little cycada, but I can't let you stay inside my home. So I had to let you out. But thank you for the visit. It felt like a welcome kiss. Ehhhhh...

Oh well, the day ended on a good note at work. Finished lesson plans for a loaded Saturday, only got a few more brushing up tomorrow and then maybe use the spare time to study and write. Thank you, Wednesday.

Okay, complain time over. I still have class from 11pm to 12mn.

I would still love to have that hug, though.

What memories did you think about today?

365 QOTD

What memories did you think about today?

I remember the night we first met, we agreed to meet on my way home from work and I met him in front of a famous bookstore nearby. He invited me for dinner and we ended up at an Italian restaurant. He ordered more than we can consume but we weren't allowed take home the rest of the food.

I remember him sending me a photo of him. That one and only photo.

I remember him seeing him again after awhile, I don't know who did the ghosting first. Perhaps it was me. Coz I didn't want to appear clingy nor too interested.

I remember seeing him again, he took me to dinner to a Thai restaurant nearby that I never knew of before. Then, another dinner at the same jidori place where I tasted my first jidori and shochu before.

I remember that night I slept in his arms while crying deep in the night coz I miss home so bad. I remember waking up still snuggled in his arms. But he had to leave coz he had a flight to catch.

I remember stopping myself from being the first one to send a message coz I don't want to appear too eager and desperate.

I remember him stopping by at my place after drinking the night, walked me on my way to work then disappear.  Then, the other incident of him filling out forms for me coz I have lost hope in google translate and in myself.

I remember embracing him before he left and having the urge to tell him I miss him but I didn't coz I don't want him to know that I like him already.

I remember him being distant. Close yet far. Then, maybe sooner or later, he will disappear entirely.

Then, I will remember the pain of unrequited love once again.



What did you create today?

365 QOTD
What did you create today?

I created essays. A self introduction essay as part of my first day back in MA class!
I also created a takeaway essay about Neil Gaiman's lecture on Reading and Literacy.

********
Saturday night was a bit crazy. Tita G was kind enough to adopt me for the night coz I told her about my fears on typhoons. Before that, her friend took us to a fine dinner at a very cozy Chinese restaurant in town. Then, we went to this Filipina-owned snack bar somewhere in downtown. I think I drank more than I should. At least I didn't cry nor did I drunk-dialled a number. Who would I dial anyway? LOL.

My sisters were kind enough to stay on the video chat with me today a little longer than usual just because it's raining very hard all day. Eventually, they had to leave and I occupied myself with school stuff. I found out that a couple of my classmates are also based in Japan!

Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto is supposed to be a light reading but it's enormous focus on loneliness and coping up with death is a little heavy but it has good points, and maybe if I get the time, I will pick on some quotable quotes from it and make a blog entry about it. 

I had always wanted to have my very own collection of boudior photos. But never really had the courage to ask any of my photographer-friends to do that for me, instead, today, I experimented on timer shots and poses. It is definitely hard to hide these fats and belly. I need to do more sit ups and crunches. LOL.

I haven't eaten dinner and it's almost midnight.

What was the last gift you gave?

365 QOTD
What was the last gift you gave?

I think, it was a cash gift for my youngest sister to upgrade her laptop. I forgot for what but it's something related to making it better for rendering images for her school projects.

******
I've watched the latest movie craze in Manila, Kita Kita. Shot in Sapporo, Japan. So much feels about the movie. I ought to write something like their 1-10 in the movie.

After drinking a glass of wine tonight, I cried again, scolding my boyfriend from the distant future as to what's taking him so long to appear it my life, crazy eh?

There is typhoon coming and I can't help but worry.

My student checked my Japanese diary entry earlier today and he said, it was quite impressive. Coming from a Japanese, I am quite reluctant to accept such praise, but I would rather take the benefit of doubt that he is telling the truth. Either way, I am proud of my work. It took me an hour to write such.


Deary Dear Glass of Wine...

I grew up in a place always badly-stricken by typhoon. But all through those years, those typhoon moments were the worst nights of my life. I couldn't sleep. I kept worrying even for just torrential rains and thunderstorms. I had to stay awake in case we had to evacuate.

Today, as forecast is being delivered, I can't help but worry again. Though, I know, I am in a better place, a better building and also, I have no one else to worry about but myself, I still worry.

Also, I don't want to tell my family back home about it coz for sure they will also worry about me.

So, I will just drink a glass of wine and hopefully that would put me to sleep.

Right now, all I feel is the calm before storm and it freaking scares the hell out of me. Every pieve of news about storms scares me and I can never be brave enough not to show any form of panic nor fear.

Deary dear glass of wine, put me to deep sleep get me through this night. Then, tomorrow night, I will take you again, sleep,  until all these chaos is over.

What is the one thing you want to accomplish tomorrow?

365 QOTD

What is the one thing you want to accomplish tomorrow?

Lots of work. Reading. Another diary entry in Japanese.

What did you let go of?

365 QOTD

What did you let go of?

Expectations.

*****
RANDOMTHOUGHTS

My friend will be organizing an outreach program for the displaced kids because of the ongoing civil war in Mindanao, on the 16th, and I wish I am there to help out personally.

For the past two years, August 2nd was a day my good friend, Cher Jo and I, are together somewhere but this year, we broke the chain. Hopefully, next year, we get to go somewhere again. I always find it as an early birthday present.

My friends are asking about how to start investing on stocks, which is good. Our new motto now is: Friends that invest together, make "yaman" altogether.

I haven't been to the library for weeks now, I really should get the grit back. With that, I re-watched Angela Duckworth's talk about GRIT on TEDTalk. For me, it is one of the most powerful talks I have ever known and always come back to. To remind me of my Whys to push forward and persevere.

So, this is how it feels to be an OFW. To be able to accumulate gifts and give aways when I come home, I really should start soon in accumulating stuff for everyone who matters to me. With the meager salary, I earn, it's better to purchase them little by little, so that my own savings plan and investment won't suffer. Little steps. Little steps.

I am not big on birthday celebrations but I always make sure that I get to spend the day with my family and very few close friends on separate occasions. Starting this year, I have to start getting used to the feeling that I have to let the day pass by like an ordinary day.

My mother would always say that August is the hardest month to get by eversince, but it is one of the most blessed months because of us. 3 kids out of 6 sibs celebrate birthdays in August, add to that the other close cousins we have born on the same month of August.

So much going on in my head and my heart again. I just need a hug and someone who will listen to my reckless mumbles, stupid ideas, wild dreams and big hopes.

What did you have for lunch today?

365 QOTD

What did you have for lunch today?

I was supposed to just have canned tuna and rice for lunch but I bought chicken nuggets at Family Mart and left the canned tuna unopened for another day.

*****
Work ends at 12 midnight.
From the day I decided to go back to my online job, I usually just hurry back home clean up the mess I had left for that day, eat dinner, chat with family and start working at 10pm til 12mn. I just leave my weekday rest day free of any scheduled work so I can focus on other house chores and personal errands.

*****
I wish to drag the days faster to December so I can go home and get as many hugs as I can. Hug is a very rare commodity at this side of the earth. Add the fact that I have limited number of friends I can call my family in here.

*****
My MA classes will start of August 5th. I hope my laptop won't crash on me sooner than expected. Not yet, Macy. Please hang in there. I actually saw an Asus Ultrabook Core i7 on sale at Amazon at an incredibly low price, but I just can't still afford it by 10k yen. I just have to get lucky the next months to see the same kind of deal again and I really wont have second thoughts grabbing the chance to get that. For the meantime, lemme get that 2-pc bikini on sale that I really will never have the courage to wear.