I would choose the latter.


I calmly walked my way to my seat inside the plane. Tucked in my seatbelt, looking into the window. Glad that I made it just in the nick of time. Then, as the plane started taxi-ing and we calmly said our goodbyes, the tears I had been keeping from falling down had started streaming down. I tried my best to look calm in normal just in case the cabin attendant passes by or the old man on the other aisle, might notice my despair.

This is my overthinking me trying to analyze that had happened for the past 24 hours just because it was way out my routinely life.

I was crying because it was such a wonderful experience yet it had come to an end. I wish to stay but then I held on to my reverie to remind myself just like any other scenes, it will come to an end and it rather end sooner on its calm and peaceful state before I drown myself into my dreamy state of fairytales and fictional happy endings.

Contemplating between exhilarating fairytale and calm conversations, I would choose the latter. Excitement takes me to height and bright lights and fireworks that ends suddenly and comes back to darkness. But conversations reveal different types of stories, revelations, unexpected honesty and acceptance at the same time. There will be judgment yet, it will come from a more logical state of mind. In calm conversations, expectations are gone, walls are lowered—hearts still guarded, yet freeing the souls at the same time. Much as I wanted to pick and even though I have made my choice, none of it could stay. Both are products of my imagination and millennial romanticism.

I cry because neither of the two choices can stay. Both are fleeting. It is with wishful thinking that let these dreams float over my head, lifting up my soul after which it goes back down into the room of darkness and solitude.

But meeting you and spending time with you, solidified my choice of companionship and love story—the one that can be built in friendship and sharing of experiences—peaceful, calm and accepting. 

Wherever this connection may take us, I still look forward to being with you again, having you caught off guard, being lost for words, singing in your car and maybe giving you a few sleepless nights because as you’ve said, I sleep aggressively.