Posts

Showing posts from September, 2018

Randomthoughts 30 Sept 2018

23:45 
1. I am typing away this random post while listening to Something Just Like This Acoustic version hoping that I can make a cover song one of these days. In my pajamas again, of course.
2. I finished only 1 out of many homeworks and readings I was supposed to have done today.
3. I havent been exercising a lot lately. The only workout I do is that of the daily walks most of the time.
4. I am under a 7-day medication for a swollen right toe. I'm on my 3rd day, and the swelling had subsided, but still it's a bit painful. 
5. I filed for a JLPT exam again in DEc 2018, because as one hashtag says.... Never Say Die.
6. I hope to take the comprehensive exam for the MA degree in June 2019. Preparation starts tomorrow. 
7. I tried applying nail polish today, I failed at it. Again and again. 
8. I miss my long hair. 
9. I'm excited for the fountain pen I ordered online. 
10. Tomorrow, October 1st., the goal is to start the day right with a good yoga workout, breakfast and then…

Death by Toe Nail

I don't know how I survived today.

I've murdered my right big toe and that had been aggravated by my recent trips and long walks the past few weeks.

The self-medicating me thought of just taking this up to my own hands. So, blood started coming out of the broken skin, like a flowing river. I keep patting cotton on it, but it just won't stop. The sight of the red liquid gushing out of the side of my nail was making me dizzy.

I could also feel my chest tightening and I was already having a hard time breathing.

"It's all in the mind. Keep pressing on to the cotton, Kat. It's all in the mind."

I keep telling myself.

Deep breaths.
Hard eye shuts.
More deep breaths.

I have to keep moving. I have to go to work and I have tasks to finish.

I should have just gone to the doctor. That should have fixed everything, but I didn't.

Tomorrow, I still won't go to the doctor.
I will still endure the pain and when it is a bit better, I will try to poke on it again.

Sing Before Sleeping

Image
I first heard this as per Youtube suggestion and the rhythm and lyrics  kept playing in my head and so I decided to look for the chords online and then just play with the strings.

Or else, I wouldn't have been able to sleep. LOL. Excuses. Excuses.

But seriously, still trying to get back on the rhythm of my normal life again. With the routines, study habits and long term goal focus.


Where do I start?

Nakabalik na ko.

At lagi kong sinasabi sa sarili kong kelangan kong umupo at pag-isipan kung anu-ano bang napulot kong aral at kung anu pa man sa ginawa kong pag byahe nung nakaraang linggo. Pero kanina ko pa dapat sinimulan, pero ngayon ko pa lang ginagawa at wala pa rin naman akong nabubuo.

Lagi andun yung tanong na pano ko ba sisimulan?

Sa kung pano ko nabuo yung buong plano nung pagbyahe ba?
Sa magkano ba inabot yung nagastos ko? (Gusto ko pa ba tong balikan? LOL)
Iisa-isahin ko ba yung mga naganap sa bawat araw o sa bawat kaganapan o sa bawat lugar na pinuntahan?
At yung tanong sa kung bakit ba single pa rin ako hanggang ngayon?

Kelangan ko rin magbasa at magconsolidate ng write ups para sa susunod kong assignment sa graduate school.

Kelangan ko na rin ayusin ulit ang closet ko kasi bagong season na naman. Palamig na naman. Wala pa rin jowawits to keep me warm. Chos!

Balakayojan.

Ayun na nga.

The trip was exhausting, an eye-opener, tiring but it was all worth it.
The reunion with Che…

My life would be easier if __________.

365 QOTD

My life would be easier if __.

.... If I have any idea how long people intend to stay and how much they intend to suck out of energy in me. So, I would know how much to expect out of the turn of events..

But it would be much easier if I really learn the art of not expecting anything from people.

Or maybe, life would be easier if I would never feel lonely. Nor seeking. But what would my life be I am not feeling the emptiness. This emptiness. This loneliness. In the middle of a loving family, good circle of friends. I am still seeking.
posted from Bloggeroid

Better not drop jokes next time.

I met him online, more than a year ago. And we didn't get to meet in person until early this year. His name would randomly pop up in my phone screen and this type of presence had brought so much comfort to me. He would actually be there at the time when I was deeply troubled and emotionally down.

Then came a period that greetings had seem to be sort of regular. Mornings and evening and exchanges of footages from weekends and other adventures. Then all of a sudden, it stopped. He doesn't send me messages anymore.

I didn't really bother to reach out because I am not really the type of person who would initiate conversations or drop random messages to family and friends, but they do know that if they need anything from me or sort of remembered me, I am always on the reply zone. I intended to make that resolution for myself and was hoping to be proactive in terms of making family and friends special and remembered. I actually still struggling to be at that.

After all the busy …

Countdown.

Slowly, slowly.

Itinerary is almost complete.

My birthday wish on my 27th birthday is coming into a reality after 5 years.

Dreams do come true.

Thank you, Lord.

I am always in awe.


Tokyo FirstTimeHits

I spent the last of August 2018 in Tokyo. 
How will I describe it?

An organized mess.
The train system is fascinating. I can't even tell how deep I was already beneath the ground. 
The commuting activity from the accommodation center (Chiba Prefecture) to the work office (Shinjuku CBD) was like a dementor. It just sucked all the time and all my energy. I can't even imagine how it was for those doing it on a daily basis.
The buildings were towering. The roads are clean.  The people are either always in a hurry while walking, or glued to their phone while inside the train.
At the train stations, all I hear are footsteps from all directions, the announcements about the train but no people talking. It was too monotonous. And inside the train, people wear poker faces. Headsets plugged to their ears, faces in front of their phone, fingers scrolling up and down. 
Disneyland was amazing. Though I usually just had 4-5 hours sleep on those evenings, I was able to endure the whole day sta…

Why did I suddenly stop taking photos?

Why did I suddenly stop taking photos?

I'm still taking photos. But not the kind of quality that tells a story that I want to tell. My instagram is full of pictures with me on it. Maybe that's the kind of story I wanted? A story with me on it? The story of my life. But the photos I post of myself are just a part of myself. The happy part, the beautiful part. No sad part. No showing on loneliness. No showing of weakness. No struggle for survival. Just the fun part.

But that is not my life. My life is full of struggles, restless thoughts and repeated curses about life being so unfair.

Nowadays, taking photos means finding the right filter, tilting, cropping and just every editing features that one can use to be able to upload a seemingly perfect shot. But it shouldn't be that way. Taking photo is about capturing the moment. It isn't about manipulating the scene or the colors or the elements in the frame.

Taking photos now had become so deceitful, untrue and untrustworthy…