Death by Toe Nail

-
I don't know how I survived today.

I've murdered my right big toe and that had been aggravated by my recent trips and long walks the past few weeks.

The self-medicating me thought of just taking this up to my own hands. So, blood started coming out of the broken skin, like a flowing river. I keep patting cotton on it, but it just won't stop. The sight of the red liquid gushing out of the side of my nail was making me dizzy.

I could also feel my chest tightening and I was already having a hard time breathing.

"It's all in the mind. Keep pressing on to the cotton, Kat. It's all in the mind."

I keep telling myself.

Deep breaths.
Hard eye shuts.
More deep breaths.

I have to keep moving. I have to go to work and I have tasks to finish.

I should have just gone to the doctor. That should have fixed everything, but I didn't.

Tomorrow, I still won't go to the doctor.
I will still endure the pain and when it is a bit better, I will try to poke on it again.

Stupid. I know.

I'm still alive.
Tomorrow, I will still be alive and hopefully, I will have the time courage to go to the doctor.

If I die, I will probably die due to blood loss because of over-poking an injured right big toe. GROSS.
What a way to end a life.

Please pray for my toe.

Comments

Post a Comment

Feel free to comment :)

Popular posts from this blog

It's her time to go.

-
It's her time to go. I keep telling myself. Today, my former co-worker, E had already left for Hiroshima. She quit the company we used to both work for and had decided to find another job in another place for several reasons. I was hoping to see her before she leaves just so I can also thank her personally and wish her well on her way. I know it would have been emotional and wacky at the same time. She told me that she had intended not to see me because she is avoiding the emotional breakdown that may arise as she leaves the city. She has been crying all week-long, she said. I sent her a message telling her that another co-worker is set to resign and that I had decided to take a holiday flight back home at the end of December and be back on New Year's Eve in Miyazaki. I will be spending the last day of 2018 enroute back to Japan and welcoming 2019, either in a bus enroute to Miyazaki or in a capsule hotel in Fukuoka. Just because with the sudden changes, I may have di
Read more

11 Sept 2023

-
​I weighed in and I’m at 55kgs today. I need to lose 7kgs to get down to my ideal weight.  I am filled with so much frustration right now about myself. I was able to reach it for 2 years and here I am falling out from it.  I am not sure which one I got so much high from, was the journey of being fit or being fit in itself. I remember telling myself that exercising and working out and seeing results of weight loss can bring a different kind of high, it’s addicting like everything else coz once you have somewhat reached a peak level of fitness in comparison to the previous self, it brings so much joy and confidence like never before. And I even told myself before, “If being fit is a form of addiction, this is the kind of addiction I would like to get stuck with for life.” I used to be the only one posting and sharing my fitness journey, now almost everyone who just used to message me about working out and weight loss, they are on the peak of achievement of their body goals.  It is so fru
Read more

29 Sept 2023

-
 Second to the last day of the 9th month of the year. then, 3 more months to call it a wrap for this month.  If my life will be a content that I will curate a story from, I wonder how it will all turn out? Will it be a story people will be willing to pay for? Will it be a story I am willing to share to the world?  Am I willing to share my flaws? My bads?  Of course I am excited to tell the world my triumphs, my inspirations, my dreams, ..... my journey.  But it isn't easy. Even here, sometimes, writing can be very painful. Most of the time, I am just lazy to move and write. 
Read more