3AM thoughts

I went to bed around 8pm with my e-book on my chest as I tried to keep my eyes open reading the pages of my current-read. Honestly, every scene is a page-turner, but my droopy eyes is such a party-pooper that I decided to just go to sleep. Here I am now, at 3am, just finished a glass of warm milk and struggling to go back to sleep then... why not write something instead and so here it is. 

I imagine mysef waking up in the middle of the night looking for that warm embrace and as I face the other side of the bed, I find it and clung to it then I go back to sleep. For now, I face the other side and clung to my huggable Pooh. 

I have been pouring mysef into a lot of tasks and to do lists but everytime, I would stop in the midde of it all and think, will I ever end the day looking forward to being reunited with my significant other to share dinner, shower together and sleep entangled in each other's arms?  Then, upon noticing that my thoughts are drifting away, I force myself to go back to what I am working on. 

I love the freedom that I have right now, I guess this longing for a partner is just rooted to that physical need for warmth and embrace but other than that, I am not even confident if I can be a nurturing kind of company. I am not confident with my cooking, I am clumsy, my budgeting skills is a bit of a question, and other considerations  required of a doting partner.

If that person asks me for commitment, will I be ready? Will I ever be asked anyway? LOL.

Deep sigh. I just wanna go back to sleep, what am I even thinking about. 


Posting this here to remind me of how vibrant that day was after the strong typhoon had past. I took this shot on a self-timer @ 10secs, front camera of my phone coz there is no one to ask for if and the weather is beautiful, I feel good, bare face and feeling flowy in my favorite summer dress. Summer of 2020, you have been extraordinary for me in many ways. 


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