Saturning Morning Musings

On Friday, two packages arrived from the PH. 

One from my family, the other one from a purchase I had made from Cebu City. 

On my way to the gym, I received a message from one of the many people I look up to and an indirect mentor I had, suddenly got in touch by an hour-long phone call and even told me that I should reach out to her also as a friend. 

One big event is coming and that I facilitated in Thailand in 2018 is still a big hit for discussions-- which is all I wanted to happen. I want people to realize how their ESL teaching is affecting the students and community: Is it empowering them? or oppressing others? 

Her referral to me to different communities of learning had been so much fun and insightful. So definitely, I am so excited for the days ahead of me. 

A typhoon is coming. A Super Typhoon is expected so all warning signs and protocols are put in place and are rolling in and out of media for information dissemination. 

Although there are times that I appreciate the rhythmic sound created by the falling rains, the cuddle feels it brings, when it levels up to a typhoon when there are already strong winds, lightning and thunderstorms, it is just not the best time for me. 

Since yesterday, I had been trying to calm my heart coz it would suddenly just beat fast, my hands would feel a bit numbed, then I would just feel like crying as if I am so scared. My vulnerability is just all over the place for the past few days.  The lightning and thunderstorms will keep me awake and unable to sleep, my heartbeat would just pump up and I would just wanna cry. Maybe things are better if I have some company. I don't know if I would even want someone to see me at this vulnerable state. But definitely, it will feel a bit better if I have company. 

My landlord had been very keen on updating us about it, keeping our units in check and making him accessible whenever we have queries. 

At night, I was able to reach home and just as soon as I dropped my stuff, the rain started pouring in. I couldn't be more grateful for the timing! Before that, for a change, the train back home wasn't even delayed!

I thought I won't be able to sleep coz the lightning and thunder started striking in and I kept myself distracted by doing stuff on my laptop and tinkering on my nails. Then, when the night started to calm, the rain stopped and the skies cleared a bit, I knew that I can fall asleep. I almost forgot that I am gonna go try to go for a surf in the morning. 

As of this writing, it is a Saturday morning,  I am at beachfront watching my friend go surfing coz I wasn't allowed myself to go for a surf. The surf teacher discouraged me to go coz I haven't gone for lessons for a long time. And I definitely understand the concern. I am honestly a bit scared when I saw the waves. 

I just realized that I would rather take the angry sounds of the waves than the view of lightning and thunder on any day or night. 

The calm before the storm.