Life of a Kat

 Second to the last day of the 9th month of the year. then, 3 more months to call it a wrap for this month.  If my life will be a content that I will curate a story from, I wonder how it will all turn out? Will it be a story people will be willing to pay for? Will it be a story I am willing to share to the world?  Am I willing to share my flaws? My bads?  Of course I am excited to tell the world my triumphs, my inspirations, my dreams, ..... my journey.  But it isn't easy. Even here, sometimes, writing can be very painful. Most of the time, I am just lazy to move and write. 

​I weighed in and I’m at 55kgs today. I need to lose 7kgs to get down to my ideal weight.  I am filled with so much frustration right now about myself. I was able to reach it for 2 years and here I am falling out from it.  I am not sure which one I got so much high from, was the journey of being fit or being fit in itself. I remember telling myself that exercising and working out and seeing results of weight loss can bring a different kind of high, it’s addicting like everything else coz once you have somewhat reached a peak level of fitness in comparison to the previous self, it brings so much joy and confidence like never before. And I even told myself before, “If being fit is a form of addiction, this is the kind of addiction I would like to get stuck with for life.” I used to be the only one posting and sharing my fitness journey, now almost everyone who just used to message me about working out and weight loss, they are on the peak of achievement of their body goals....

 I think it's a good habit to do brain dump in here.  But that's what I have been doing here all along! LOL. But anyway, today, I tried to study/practice writing this morning. I just signed up for JLPT N4 exam and it costs ¥7500 (+/-75USD, +/- 3000PHP)  And so hopefully, this year, I am praying for that breakthrough in passing the test this time, knowing that I am dedicating time to learn and study. Consistency is still a hard thing to say that I have achieved but looking into our study charts on how we have been making time to prepare the test, I am hoping to have better scores this time. Albeit, I am excited to see my friends pass the test.  I woke up a bit late this morning and as I changed clothes, stood up in front of the mirror, I kinda liked the shape of my body, I felt lighter and happier and with that, I know that I can achieve this weight loss and active lifestyle I would like to restore in me. Still a long way to go. But I am happy that I am able to move....

​I wonder how it feels to be someone who have travelled almost all over the world.  I had always dreamed of seeing the world and now I’m 37 and have been to less than 10 countries, I still hope to travel around continents, be able to explore, share stories and learn more.  Writings are manifestations. And here I am manifesting to the universe, allowing for purpose and provision to be received and be used.  To travel. To explore. To share space. To grow in love and in light.  Xoxo Kat 

Today has been busy and still grateful for it.  I thought I lost the engagement ring that was given to me. I can't remember wearing it this morning. I only remember putting it in the little saucer plate I use to contain the earrings and specifically that ring whenever I had to take it off for the day.  I had a feeling that it is just inside the house, so I left for the day for a long drive for work.  Indeed, it was just there, but still I am confused that I had it mixed up with the crystal earrings in its own box.  A lot of overthinking has been going on in my head, and I am glad that I didn't let it win over me the entire day.  After all, if it was truly lost somewhere, I know in my heart that I looked for it. Honestly, the hands felt a little bit empty today without my fingers having nothing to fiddle with, my eyes had nothing to look as the ray of sun strikes into the tiny blue stone.  It may not be that big, loud, sparkly-type of ring a girl could wish ...

​I used to dream of a day that I’ll be a famous writer of some sort. Of how to do things, of how things had gotten better, weaving dreams and detailing the events as it all take time to be fulfilled, get a detour, re-route, or even start all over again.  An honest and consistent story of how my life had unfolded and been unfolding but there are times, that even here, I can’t write about it with all the excuses I could think of, all sorts of denial.  I want to write deeply. But I can’t even write about the simple things anymore.  Little steps. Tonight, I get to spill out my frustrations about myself and I feel alright.  Good night, self.