Life of a Kat

366 QOTD  The last thing I bought myself was _____________. ... a recording microphone stand and a lyric stand :)  ********* I have decided to make a bold move and I am excited to see myself back into the kind of self that I am working on.  I have decided to make a full head on move about the critiquing of a research paper and submitting it for a due date and moving forward to my own first paper.  Talk about priorities. Selfish as it may seem, I ought to take care of myself first before anybody else. I do not allow anybody to make me feel so small and unworthy of anything. Not without my consent. It was quite a tough battle and though I probably haven't seen enough of it, I still don't think I am investing my time and energy on the right place and with the right people. Well, they probably are so lucky to have me.. LOL. But I am not sure if I can say the same for them given how I have been feeling right now. I am grateful that at the start they took confidence in wha...

I have reactivated my Facebook profile. I honestly miss being in there too. But I am back to too much scrolling again, so I probably may have to deactivate it again?  After school, I decided to go for a briskwalk by the riverside. On my way back, I wasn't able to start the tears from falling down.  In my head I was trying to point out what are the events that had been triggering this down feeling and I know in my head what those things are. I just do not have the courage to speak out my mind yet. Or I do not have the energy to do so.  I am happy with what I am doing. I don't wanna be here. I was happy. I don't wanna be here. Get me away from here. -- these are the lines that had been running in my head. I just gotta breathe and think but I can't do that while I am there.  After coming home, I took a shower and tried writing this down. More scrolls on Facebook and will be calling it a day with a book on one hand, in bed. It is a Thursday. Nothing goes wrong on a Thurs...

366 QOTD  What is your most prized possession? My family and friends? HAHA. I know they aren't possessions but they all mean so much to me.  If in terms of material possessions, I think it will be my laptop that means so much to me. It makes a lot of things possible for me to do from writing, to editing and working with other people from other parts of the globe.  ************ I have made up my mind and I don't think it will change at this point in time. The signals are slowly showing up itself. It is almost time. 

366 QOTD  What project are you working on? Myself-- a work in progress.  This afternoon I had a very nice conversation with one of the few people I can really open up with. We sat by a bench looking at the river and the setting of the sun. It was a very relaxing view while venting out my negativities. I know that she wanted to have a more relaxed time and I am thankful that she took time to listen to me.  Quitting on one and more bigger decisions thereafter. Hopefully, it all goes well.  All I wanted is to have my productive self back.  The Kat that gets to finish and accomplish and learn many things while doing things at the background.  The Kat that doesn't really have to equate her worth with the money that she gets. The Kat that acknowledges stress yet knows that it is gonna be all worth the effort.  The Kat that just keeps waking up every day loving, grateful and hopeful.  The Kat that has always been willing to open up to the world and not h...

While at the gym and pumping with sweat on the workout routine I am following, I have fully decided on quitting. Not on working out of course, but on the programming lessons that I am taking. I have always wanted to learn it but it seems that, learning it on my own isn't an ideal path to take at the moment. With pending writing projects at hand, it won't just work for me.  With quitting, there is also resuming. I am resuming my Japanese lessons and Piano lessons on Saturdays with the same teacher. I don't mind visiting her at her house after my volunteer jobs at the international foundation. Then, study time with my friend Riho until gets to move to Oita in September.  Hopefully, with this temporary quitting with learning of Python Programming, I will have no more guilty moments for not fulfilling my own schedules. Instead, I will have more exciting times to look forward to for more reading both fiction and non-fiction. My friends have been posting books they were reading a...

It is early morning in Japan and I am just waiting for the rice to cook and setting up on how to go about my day of being productive again.  For now, let me write something about my father.  I am just so grateful for him. Blessed to have them both as my parents. No matter how crazy things get into my head, thinking about them makes me calm and help me re-align my focus about life and faith.  My father is the kindest person that I know with the sharpest tongue that there is. Maybe because that is how it goes when one is used to speaking of the truth and nothing else.  He has obsessions about treasures and hidden goal for ever since I can remember but we had to just let it go because when he gets involved into something, he makes sure it is done. I have learned to accept the reality that though we are enough as his treasure, he just can't let go of quitting on this one.  We never are rich or gotten more than enough financially, but I don't really know how he and m...

At 16, I graduated high school and that was 17 years ago.  Out of the blue, Tita sent me a photo of me receiving medals during our High School Recognition Day. Two persons noticed that I wasn't happy on the picture. I kinda remembered that my high school graduation was some sort of dramatic actually in all forms.  Nevertheless, grateful for the experience. Moving to that little town of Tiwi and studying at the barangay high school of Malinao opened up a lot of opportunities for me-- learning many things about what I never thought I can do like writing and photography, scholarships, travels, contests, discoveries. Both my titas made it all happen. They were strict, yet generous for things that they think will help me learn then. My grandmother was stricter-- waking me up early-- letting me do the laundry as soon as sun is up.  During that time, I couldn't wait to get out of that house and just be free from their strict ways. But now that I am an adult, I realized that thos...