Short Break

First Semester of AY 2017-2018 ended officially this week. I am just so relieved that I was able to turn in all my papers and take the exams as needed. Though I am not confident enough about the quality of my writings, I still hope that my efforts will be considered.

I still have a long way to go. So long way to go. And I vowed to myself that if this will be one last thing I will take in pursuit of career growth. After this, I promise to take time to focus on more interpersonal considerations such as romantic relationships and other personal investments and things I love to do.

For now, it is good to get caught up with Stranger Things Season 2 and re-reading Hadfield's book: An Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth. His thoughts are very good reminders about being grateful of small things, people around and identifying what really matters most. Also, his determination and the idea that dreams are woven long-term and hard work is the key to everything. That every little thing you do for now affects your future.

For now, I am preoccupying my days by getting back to studying Nihonggo on Wednesdays and Fridays. And maybe on Sundays as well.

It's getting colder and colder in here and moving around is such a challenge. Think about daily bathing too! Hahaha.

I am counting the days for my first ever homecoming. I haven't even bought anything for people and so I really should start doing that soon too.

For now, I am enjoying the short break from the routine.
Then, one of these days, I will write about my first time travel to Kansai Region.

Randomthoughts 02 Nov 2017


1. Just when I thought that I had the time at work budgetted in such a way that I can include my own MA stuff going, paper works just kept coming. Oh wow!

2.  I have a lot of deliverables today but I still take time to complete this list. Talk about priorities in general. Of course, my venting out is a priority. LOL.

3. I tried not to read the PH newspapers today, good job self. But I checked the exchange rate, the PH peso sort of gone up. It's hard to kill a habit.

4. I thought of buying flowers for myself this morning. But I ended up grabbing coffee instead. Oh well, I will get those flowers on Sunday morning.

5. Tita G gave me a stalk of an indoor plant for replanting, it took me a week before I accomplished the task. Thanks to conscience.

6. Macy is giving up, but I am not letting her yet. Maybe until mid 2018. Sometimes, there are things that are difficult to let go of even though they are really worn out already.

7. Going back to coffee, so I grabbed coffee and I think, I will have 3 more cups today. Just because, I have to keep my brain working. Forget about my heart. LOL.

8. Talking about my heart, my heart is happy. Immensely happy that deep inside I am having those fears again. If ever that day comes, it shouldn't be any different. Expect that I am studying something new again so I can move on. Hahaha.

9. My last output gives me an average of 90% in one of my subjects, now as I work on my 3rd and final output, there is pressure to keep it at that or higher. Go self, pressure yourself more.

10. I am pretty much back to normal except the sight of my legs bruised, the left side a little bit swollen. I already use my new bike and I already pass at the same street, but I get off my bike every time I pass that main street. There are still memories, it takes time to really forget.



What decisions are you glad you made?

365 QOTD

What decisions are you glad you made?


To finally let myself be vulnerable again. It wasn't really a hard decision, but it was more of a fearsome one. But after that accident, I was reminded to let go of expectations and let be grateful for every single day and every single person in my life.


What impact do you hope to have on the world?

365 QOTD
What impact do you hope to have on the world?

After last night's event, this is a very timely question. I just want to be remembered to be someone who inspired others to do whatever they dream of, as long as it is for a good cause. I want to be one of the many who just wants to make the world a better place for everyone. A place where respect for one's individuality and contributions are valued in a shared space.

****
It was a supposed to be one of the first special Saturday nights.

After work, we all said our parting pleasantries and onto my bike, I hopped in and waited for the green signal light. And so it did. I put a little more energy on the pedals as I wanted to come home sooner and not be late for the next train, coz I still needed to drop my workbag and grab my weekender bag.

Halfway crossing the lane, a car suddenly appeared somewhere, not stopping or maybe it did a full-stop before the front part of the car touched the side of my body. I wasn't aware anymore if I tipped off my bike a little to the opposite direction so the car won't hit me. I remember doing a quick glance at the stoplight, just to check if I did it right. It was green.

Next thing I know, I am on the ground. My bike and my bag are scattered in the middle of the road, someone was holding my head and my legs, telling me not to move. I heard Eloisa asking me to unlock my phone, so she can make a phone call. I can't remember standing up but she said I stood up. An ambulance was coming then I was put in a stretcher and I was calling my Yoshi, I remember saying, " I got hit by a car." He said I called multiple times. I can't remember anymore.

At the emergency room, I remember someone telling me of an xray. Then, I don't know what else. As soon as I saw Eloisa, I immediately hugged her and I started wailing. Then, I saw Yoshi, I think I cried once more holding on to him.

I saw our Shitencho, my colleagues, my Tita Gladys and I remember not letting go of Yoshi.

Tita Gladys drove us to my home. Yoshi ordered the pizza that we all shared for dinner. Eloisa was retelling the events as it happened in front of her eyes. I know that its something hard for her as well since she lost her mom in a car accident. Tita Gladys was there trying to get to know Yoshi. It wasn't the kind of event I would like to introduce them to one another, but it can't be helped. A video call from my family back home and I introduced Yoshi to my sister and my mother. Introducing him to my father is another gameplan.

I thought of posting it on Facebook just because I wanted to let the world know that I am grateful for every person that I am surrounded with. Not realizing that far across borders of distance, friendships and political alliances, people will take time to say they care and they prayed. Little words that mean so much.

I still can't figure out what have I done to be blessed with so many kind and wonderful people around me. My colleagues and local friends in Miyazaki who told me that I can always tap their shoulders if I needed some help and to check on me if I am doing well.

To Yoshi, this wasn't the kind of a budding romance I thought of having with him, but it seems like he got to see through me first at my unfortunate events and he was there to make sure that I am doing okay as I get through it. It's a tough start and I promise that it aint a series of it.

A new day starts tomorrow, I got a lot of pending tasks to do. Gotta keep moving forward. It was such an event on my life to remember.

What is your current account balance?

365 QOTD
What is your current account balance?

Oh. That is difficult to answer.
For one, I have several bank accounts. LOL.
Second, I really don't have that much.
Aside from a very small stocks portfolio and balanced-funding insurance policy, all I have are savings accounts that doesn't really much in it. Just enough for me to get through life and make sure that I save a little for the future.

****
Today, though I still have flu and little bit of a bad throat, I felt way better than yesterday.

I also tried to finish writing a case study for one of my subjects in MA class but I am not really satisfied with it, I am having this speculation that my teacher would be returning it to be for revamp and all the necessary changes. If I will have difficulty passing this subject, I would understand. But definitely, I would never give up on it. Little steps. Little steps.

I had a great night with my Japanese friends. We did our English chat a little different than usual. Mr. Y organized the event in his new house, so it appeared like a EnglishChatXHousewarming, since it was a new house he had just acquired.

Everybody had a good time. We had food, drinks and booze. It is really amazing how people tend to let loose when alcohol kicks in their veins-- the silent becomes chatty, the taboo topics become conversation topics and the just lots of laughing and spilling out of questions and answers with no holds barred. If only we can all be that honest on a daily basis without alcohol, I think things would flow more smoothly and fairly for every body.

There are certain life decisions I had recently made out of intuition and I still trying to test the waters. As always, gotta prepare for the worst. But for now, everything seems to flow smoothly and I am thankful.

Drain.

"Pupusta ko, hindi ka na babalik ng Pilipinas."

This is what my friend told me after we did an almost half-day walkathon at the mall and several shops in the city. But his goal is just to buy fish sauce and bagoong isda, as part of his kitchen condiments.

He has been one of the few people I can talk about how much I seemingly can't comprehend what is going on in the Philippines. From drug war to anti-intellectualism and smart-shaming, I just can't imagine.

He talked about brain drain. People are leaving. Intellects and skilled workers choose to leave the country and work in another one because they can't get enough money in the motherland. The initial plan is always just...... work for a few years, make investments, save more money and come back to the PH for good. Though it happened for some, most people who chose to work overseas, had chosen to come back to PH in their retirement age. The age wherein the society hasn't a lot of gain from them. I told him I will come back. Then he retaliated me with situations of me finding a foreigner husband whom would definitely alter future decisions.

Then, I realized, brain drain is real. Among my friends, only a few chose to work for the government and not even working full-time but on project-based ones because they don't want to be tied up to the government and will still pursue studies abroad. A few of us are already abroad, two among them are taking up Masteral studies in prestigious universities while I work and still pursue distance learning from the flagship university of our motherland.

So far, a few things keep me grounded in PH. My family. My studies. My defiance of the EJK. The Lumads and the minority groups fleeing the war in Mindanao.

All of which, I get to support because I am earning more than I had in PH. And if I come back and work at this current state, I don't know where I will start over again. 

Philippines will always be my home. But then, if home isn't really nurturing me anymore, it's about time to step up my game and put in the bag all the things that inspire me to move forward and keep on aiming to find the better me.

One day, I will come back, hoping that I can make a difference.

Did you do more talking or listening today?

365 QOTD

Did you do more talking or listening today?

I hope I did more listening today.

Today was a rare occasion that I initiated the video conference with my siblings. It is usually them who call me. Also, most of the time, I talk to my mom and my 2 younger sister. I rarely get the chance to talk to Doydoy in a separate occasion.

Tonight, since Bebs was at work and Nali was probably still on the way home from school, Doydoy and I got to talk. I asked him how he is and how is his review days going. He said he needs a camera phone, a good one. He was using my older brother’s iPhone but when he connected it to his laptop, it reset, losing all his photos of the solutions he captured for the past few months of reviewing. He said he was able to revive half of it, but the rest were nowhere to be retrieved. Then, he asked if he can get a loan from me, I asked why. He said he needs a good phone, I said, I can give him money to buy phone and he doesn't need to pay me back. After all, I actually plan to give him my new phone when I come home in December. I told him, I will double his allowance and he doesn't need to pay me back for it.

                  Then out of the blue he asked “Pano maging successful Ate? Bakit ikaw, kapag may gusto ka, na-aachieve mo kagad? Eh ako, ang tagal nang panahon, di pa rin ako makatapos dito. Akala ko yung Accountancy, matipid na course, pero ngayon, andami ko nang gastos. Kinakabahan pa kong baka di ako makapasa ngayon.”

                  I actually don’t know how to answer that. I never realized that he sees me as someone successful when I, myself, still feel that I am a long way to go from what I really want for my family and myself. Then, I told him, “Bat naman hindi ka papasa? Dahil lang wala kang magandang camphone? Excuse na lang yan. Wag kang ganyan. Naniniwala kami sayong makakapasa ka, kaya believe in yourself. Kapag hindi ka naman nakapasa agad, eh di re-take pa rin kung gusto mo pa. Ganun lang yun. Tulungan lang tayo.”

                  I told him, I owe him. Because when we were younger, he had to sacrifice his own future to work and send money for my college allowance and that delayed him from getting a bachelor degree sooner. And now, if there is a way to give him whatever he needs, I would gladly do so.


                  I told him to enroll in a gym coz he is really fat and the idle days at home are making him think unnecessary thoughts. Funny how he put value to his belly fat. He said, “Pinangarap ko kaya to. Ang payat-payat ko dati diba? Ngayon, sumobra naman.”

                  Maybe, I still did a lot of talking today, and I hope I had said the right words. If there is one thing good that moving overseas did to me, it is that I had grown closer to my siblings and that no amount of sadness and homesickness can make me regret my decisions coz I know that I have a wonderful family worth sacrificing for.

Buckle Up, Kat


There is this attempt to work on a paper slowly but surely, but for this one subject, I can’t seem to do that. It is supposed to have been an essay I should have completed 3 weeks ago but I had never took an effort to write it until tonight coz it's due tomorrow. 

I had told myself that I need to improve my study habits and focus, lessen the scrolling on social media and read more relevant articles, research papers and write slowly.

At first, my excuse was, I am having a hard time coz the digitized copies are straining my eyes so much, I needed to get new glasses. And I did. I just got new specs last weekend.

Another excuse was, since the copies are digital, I needed a printer, and a good friend was very kind enough to lend me a printer unit! How nice, right?!

Also, since my laptop is old, mid-2009 model made, a Core2Duo, it takes almost forever to launch a software and that makes me lose my focus. I can’t afford to get a new one soon, and I really don’t think it is a valid excuse.

I have been putting up so many excuses for myself. I have brought this challenge to myself and it will be unfair to fail myself just because I got lazy. It will be unfair for my hard-earned money to be put to waste just because I can't put up with my old laptop. I worked hard for all of these.

So, after this procrastination stint, I need to be better. Can't afford to submit shitty case studies.

There will be no one to remind me, but myself.

So, Dearydear Meow, please buckle up before circumstances unintentionally whip you into shape. You wouldn’t want to learn from experience, besides, haven’t you had enough lessons on procrastination and delaying tactics in the past?!

Enough. I gotta get back to writing.

What was the last gift you received?

365 QOTD
What was the last gift you received?

A chocolate bar from one of my students.

He said he flew to Tokyo and bought some omiyage.

--
2am and I just laid in bed. I had finished answering a question for 1 of the 2 discussion threads. I still have one to complete by tomorrow.

Submitted one of the major papers for this semester and I still have 6 to write about--- 2 case studies, 1 analysis paper, 1 online hunt report, 2 essays.

I never realized that it will be this hard. But if I give it time and sit down and work on it, I seem to be able to understand and provide answers to the study guide questions.

To make this endeavour really work and be fruitful, I really need to give up some things. Like, I had to limit my social media time, and online part time job. Going out to study has proven to be not so effective and expensive. With that, I just need to keep my home conducive to learning.

Still a long way to go. 2 more years of learning and understanding.

How old do you feel?

365 QOTD

How old do you feel?

I feel old yet I feel young.
I am caught in between the freedom brought by being single and that urge to be with someone. Most of my friends, at my age are already married and are already parents or on the way to being parents.

Had I not been working on papers for my own schooling, I probably would be sulking and stalking whoever online until I fall asleep, or would be reading not-so-helpful stuff online, worst, I probably would be reading articles about Duterte and posting tons of hate posts about him and his stupid fandom.


*****
It is National Holiday in Japan today but we got work from 9am-6pm. Not a bad schedule, today was one of those days that I felt like a normal employee like before. I was able to get out of the office just about when the sun is about to set. Felt good.

After work, as promised, I met with my Japanese friends who offered to either pay me small amount of money per hour or dinner for an English conversation, of course, I chose the moolah! Hahahaha! It will be additional emergency funds and/or funds for pasalubong for family when I get back home. I have no idea how these kind of things operate but I am happy to be able to chat with them. Most of the time, they know the words to use but just very hesitant to speak. I actually don't have to teach them anything, they know how to use the language, it's just the lack of confidence that really hinders them. With this type of conversation, I get to learn about the culture, the people around me and expands my network as well.

After that, impulsive shopping strikes in again. I dropped by at Maxvalu for rice and other food supply. Hopefully enough to get me through the week.
******

My brain really starts working at late nights and very early mornings. Like tonight, I started on my paper at around 11pm and just finished a few minutes ago. I feel very exhausted though I haven't done much physical activities.

Tita was very, very kind enough to check on my paper before I submit it this coming Friday. She even asked for the transcriptions of the data for the other two papers coz she is in the mainland for training and would have internet access so we can talk about my papers.

******

So much stuff to do and so many things to read. Goodnight for now!

My fave drink at the cafe- ginger ale :) 

What went perfectly about your day?

Dinner break in between study times. 
365 QOTD

What went perfectly about your day?

I was woken up by a morning phone call from family.
I was able to get caught up with a friend for an almost 3 hour video chat.
I was able to study, a bit.
I was able to do some grocery shopping.

The best part was that conversation with my friend reminding me to save up for rainy days. I really appreciate him checking on me if I were able to save up and how my spending habits have been coz I'm really having a hard time figuring out what to do and how to deal with stuff. He was also able to walk me through how to use the Abema TV on my chrome cast.

My aunt was also kind enough to check my recent paper for one of my subjects and since she will be in the mainland for the week, she is also asking if I can send her the transcriptions for the other two papers I intend to write for the other subject.

******

Tonight's dinner was the no-sweat prep tuna in olive oil pasta with salad on the side.
******

I think,  I am really better off to just be single and be surrounded with good people.

Oh life. Why do I even have to feel this way?

The computer I used the most is....

365 QOTD

The computer I use the most is my Macy.

It's my very old MacBook white I got as secondhand many many years ago from someone I used to know.

It's been with me for almost 5 years now. And maybe as a reward to myself, I ought to buy a brand new MacBook air laptop :) Soon, baby, soon.

*****
There has been a lot of tension between Ms. E and I after work. You know that kind of person who isn't sensitive enough about other people's situation. That's what she has been. Talking so much even though the manager has been telling her indirectly that she needs to shut up and do her thing silently. Hayst. She was even asked if she can write it down and then she could just give it to her because the manager have a lot of things to do and can't think anymore but she kept on talking the whole hour! It was just so frustrating that I had to go out of the room just so I could find some peace.

She even tried to confront me about it but wouldn't listen so there was no point of talking. I just needed the peace moment.

Then, checked out today's news only to know that Commission on Human Rights got a meager budget of PHP 1000. How can that even defend the lowest rank of human rights? Also talk about people who would blabber nonsense and then realized its nonsense and then delete it? Ugh.