TTCT Feels

Not one but three of my friends, told me that they remembered me while watching That Thing Called Tadhana. These people are close friends whom most likely I had shared my story. My deep, dark secrets and my drunken-state-of-being. 

Second time na itong na-i-re-relate ko ang aking buhay-buhay sa isang movie around February. Ultimate hugot lines. Ultimate hugot movie.

Whose heart are you and why are you here?

I had been having that feeling of heaviness. I also don't know where it's coming from, it's just became heavy. I kind of have learned to live with it every day. I tried seeking whose heart it is, only to feel that it just gets heavier when I don't get the right answer I want to hear.

The same question I have:

Panget ba ako?

May magkakagusto pa ba sakin?

Magkakarelasyon pa ba ko?

Yang pagmamahal na pinakikita mo. Yang overwhelming na pagmamahal na yan. Imposibleng walang patunguhan. Hindi man galing sa taong pinagbibigyan mo noon pero babalik at babalik yan sayo.

One thing, the two years had taught me is the ultimate art of patience and faith. So, yes, I am waiting.

Wag mong hayaang may magtulak sa kanya pabalik sayo. 

Hatakin mo hanggang kaya mo.

Eh sorry, mahal kita. 

Makes me think, have I tried enough back then? 

Malungkot lang ako, pero hindi ako mag-isa. 

Reminds me that no matter how sad I feel, I am still surrounded with love from a lot of people I know.

I wish I did what she did in the movie--stood on top of the mountain and scream all my pains and cry without shame. But for me, the mountains dont deserve my pains. But going somewhere without any fixed itinerary, I have done that in Iloilo. Screaming my lungs out in a videoke, I have done that. I sang the Aegis, Roxette, and Starship Troopers. 

Angelica's character reminds me of myself. Really. Bipolar lang. LOL.

I have lost my heart and am living that pointy life just like any other arrows who lost theirs, it gets tiring but I try to remember that I am not alone and  one day, that very same heart that slipped off from my arrow and got lost will show up in front of me, get my attention and there will be no need for words. As I live my pointy life, one day, the same lost heart will ask me, "Excuse me, have you lost your heart?" 

Still, tadhana was unidentified. The ending was left for the viewer to fill. No matter how realistic it had tried to be, it still had attempted to put that idealistic love story, left for the viewer to complete. Who knows? We can never know the destiny of others, but we know what our hearts wants and seeks for. It is filled with overwhelming love that will be returned by the right person at the right time.

I watched Starting Over Again four times last year. Thrice in the movie house with different set of friends and on a bus bound for Bicol. This one, I won't mind watching it again and again until the hugot lines don't affect me anymore. Will it ever not?

With all the Hugot Movies around, I think, I had found my excuses to fall in love, get heartbroken and then fall in love again. It's a cycle until I end up with the right ending.

*****
Nauna pa tuloy to ma-post kesa sa date ko with Sir Trips. Tsk.