Life of a Kat

2018 Goals (Realistic and Unrealistic) 1. Tapping back my clicker happy self, video recording/editing and recording artist dreams to come alive. 2. Working on investing on those powerful gadgets, one at a time. 3. Making sure that I got A's in my grades. 4. Working on that JLPTest. This time, won't miss the deadline! 5. Keeping fit to make sure I fit on my graduation dress in 2019. 6. Extending my network to people and create meaningful connections. 7. Having more productive online investments. 8. Taking care of myself and sanity. 9. Creating more meaningful write ups. 10. Travelling for more things to write about. 11. Reading more. 12. Having deeper relationship with God. 13. Being able to save up money so my parents can visit me here. 14. Applying for that visa. 15. Making the best out of life. Every thing is in present progressive form as I am a work in-progress.

365 QOTD What is one thing you were told today that you don't want to forget? "It was a tiring day but it was fun." ********** Today, I was supposed to join a volunteer group at the main street for a Christmas activity, but I didn't feel like going so, I was really taking my time preparing for the day. But when my Japanese friend asked if I want to join them for lunch, I quickly said yes and they were kind enough to offer to pick me up as well. The day extended to me staying at their home for the afternoon and then, a quick shopping for some other materials for ingredients for our small Christmas dinner. The dinner was great! I am truly grateful to this couple for they had been very involved in making my firsts in Miyazaki memorable, from my birthday to this Christmas Eve, they made me feel I belonged and welcomed. I know it is not easy accommodating people, moreso from a different cultural background. But they take time, they make effort and they offer to. God is ...

365 QOTD  Who do you wish had been a part of your day? Ohh.. checking out this question made me heart ache a bit and my eyes start to water. I would have imagined a lunch trip at that tomato ramen shop, a film-viewing at his couch with lots of cuddling. But it's all just memories now. I'll be fine. I'm getting by. I'll be okay. The day went as I had it planned anyway.  ******* Today, almost everything on the to-do list had been ticked off. Except for thay quick trip at Uniqlo and Donki. I can handle it tomorrow. I had my hair color darker, and my hair cut a few centimeters long from the shoulders. I also took time to visit the Art Center and a few stalls and met with my friend to catch up and wish each other Merry Christmas and plans for my quick holiday back home.  Then, Tita G picked me up coz she offered to drive me to Desaki for my last minute stationery items shopping. We also did a quick detour at a recycle shop coz I needed go find a small humidifier w...

365 QOTD Were you positive or negative person today? I survived the day. Of course, I tried to be as positive as I can be today. I visited the nearest dental clinic in the building for an emergency dental treatment because I know that there is no other way to cure the pain but by professional intervention. Knowing that we can’t handle everything on our own and that we need help, and we seek help when we need it. Positivity is knowing that with professional dental assistance, everything will be alright. For one, the dental x-ray appeared to be normal, cavity check appeared to be minimal, and no other issues other than the pain, and medication was prescribed. Further intervention will be done once I come back from PH. ******************* I’ve been suffering for 2 days and I googled stuff about “toothache in winter” and apparently, the cold air and weather can affect someone’s dental condition. I have been planning to take a visit to the dentist this year but have been pu...

365 QOTD What is the last place you visited online? Hmm.. The website where I watch movies. Tonight I watched Coco while packing my luggage. I still need to buy a few cup noodles as per my Uncle's last minute request. Coco was supposed to be a tearjerker but since I am not totally focused, I wasn't able to embody the feeling. I will just watch again next time. ******* Today, I gave a feedback to my colleague about his teaching and I am just happy to see his improvement little by little. Though there is pressure to speed up his mastery of skill, there is just no way that can happen. I know he is trying and for a man who has been through a lot and has been trying his best to keep afloat, the one thing we can give him is credits for his efforts. In a society where true appreciation is very rare, I would dig every appropriate word, pat his back and keep encouraging him to get better and better coz I know he can. Truly can. The next few days until Saturday won't be so busy...

365 QOTD What are three things you have to do tomorrow? 1. Be awesome. 2. Be good. 3. Set the bar high. ********* I tried to get up early today and tried studying before going to work. Seems good to me. So I will do the same tomorrow. But not for studying but for reading. Hehehe. I checked on 2018 planners at Tsutaya and I actually liked one but held off buying until the 23rd so I can visit Desaki for a discount. Though I am actually expecting to get a Starbucks  planner back home, I might just give it to my sister. I also checked on a fountain pen for Papa.One thing we both share is the fondness for good writing pens. That's why, I hoarded a few .28 Uni pens as well in Donki. Much as I wanted not to panic as I haven't packed my bags yet, the contents kept accumulating and now I am more lost as to how I will put it all inside the suitcase. My suitcase when I left for Japan was fixed by my yougest sister. I hope she can do the same for this one too. Lol. The Murakami b...

365 QOTD How was your day today? This is one of those few days I am excited to write my diary. Today had its downtimes but at the end of it all, it all ended up on a good note. Today, I only had one class on which we talked about abilities and future. My student included me in his list. He first asked me what I want for the new year and upon listing it up, he told me that he will include me in his prayers for the new year. People are just simply nice. After that, my friend invited me to a Christian Christmas gathering! I had to take the train which I was a bit scared of coz it was a first time but I managed to reach the right station. Hallelujiah! The event was amazing. It was wonderful to be around something familiar- the songs, the drama of Mary and Joseph looking for a manger, the 3 kings offering gifts. The piano presentation of O Come All Ye Faithful made me miss my sisters too. We used to do a singalong while my younger sister plays the piano. After that, my friends invite...

365 QOTD What word are you using too much lately? Hmm.. It's not really a word, but it's a phrase.... "Oh well, shit happens. Bring it on." ******************* An eventful Friday should I say. Most of it not worth-mentioning as the pledge of respect and secrecy and moreso of a choice as those things are not really worth-looking back but the lessons picked up from will forever be relevant to the present and future decisions. One person whom I had lost contact for more than 3 years suddenly reached out today and we started talking again. It felt surreal. It was like we just stopped talking for maybe a week ago! Him telling me he kept thinking about me but just had the chance to talk to me today, keeps me puzzled. I kept asking him why but he just keep repeating that it's because of many things. Many good things, he said. I still remember how we ended our very short-lived mutual understanding. Sacrifices had to be made not because of our own differences but confl...

365 QOTD How are you expanding your mind? What a question! Hmm.. I try to LISTEN TO OTHERS MORE. I read. I talk to people whom I feel comfortable asking uncomfortable questions. I try to be always true to myself. I open up my mind to ideas but don't necessarily accept all the ideas. ********* I woke up with a very painful neck and upper back today. I felt like not really getting up from bed at all. I intended to just lie in bed and succumb to the pain. But of course, I got a job to do. So, I got up and did zumba even with my painful neck, hoping that a little bit of stretching could give some relief. At some point, it did. But the pain lingered even until now. I forgot to but Salonpas earlier though I was already at the drugstore. Booo.. No new Japanese word today since I didn't take time to read something. But tomorrow, definitely, I had something prepared for studying. I signed up for a volunteer work for the 24th of December and I am just so excited to be out th...

365 QOTD How much of your day did you spend completely alone? The morning, but not entirely since I grab my phone and check it as soon as the alarm went on at 8:30am. ********** Tonight, I ate heavily and I feel like puking. But I didn't do that. hehehe. It was Tita G's birthday and there was pizza, spaghetti, pansit, KFC fried chicken and leche flan. From the Japanese conversation class, I learned: 不安 (ふあん)  (な-adj; noun) insecurity, uneasiness, anxiety Such a reminder should I say. 私が一杯不安あります。 I dont know if that is even correct. Lol. I will double check with teacher on Friday. I started reading Smaller and Smaller Circles during lunchtime which had been a bad choice because the Prologue and Chapter 1 dealt with murder in a dump site followed by detailed autopsy report and analysis. I hoped I just started reading Grit by Angela Duckworth. Lol. But I am saving that for next week. I purchased Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage on Amazon since I saw...

365 QOTD What's weird about today? Weird today? Maybe...... that I got way more "maldita" than normal. You know that type of person who only remembers you when they need something from you? Not even an intro of "Hi!" or "How are you?" to start the conversation. I was literally irritated that before I answered the question, I told the person that maybe next time he might want to include an introduction to his message first, a simple greeting at least. Then, I seenzoned his next messages. Also, I tried to use my softskills with another person in terms of skills improvement. From that bratty level then switch to angelic level. UGH. No wonder, my moodswings are over the edge. Weird, right? ********* Today was quite normal. Tried to be "more" productive at work. I also had my first teaching session for TOEIC Class, where I learned a new word: 明らか (な-adj)-- evident, obvious, plain There is this part of the exam about photographs and one ...

365 QOTD Are you holding a grudge? Hmmm.. Not that I am aware of. That's different from declaring that I am not holding a grudge against anybody, right? Coz I really am not sure if I am or I am not. Coz, as of now, I feel well and I haven't been thinking of negative thoughts lately, but you see, there will be triggers that can somewhat dig the not-so-good memories. ***** Ms. E sent me this link about the companionship dating trend in Japan. That kind of dating that doesn't involve physical connection. That kind of couple that just goes out like ordinary couples on dates, holding hands (maybe?), taking photos, having good conversation. I am not really sure if this is something that I wish to have but with how I am a failure at intimate relationship, I think this "companionship dating" is something I am more capable of handling. As I still have familial and personal goals to fulfill, emotional instabilities to deal with, career path to work on, this type o...

365 QOTD I realize tomorrow _________. I realize tomorrow is going to be my "today" when I wake up.  Literally, a Monday. Figuratively, another chance on to being humane and finding meaning in life.  ******** I did a bit of packing today! Upon weighing, I can just put in another 5kgs more of stuff in it. A few more packs of chocolates, sweets and little things maybe.  I have written some postcards and I will drop them off tomorrow. Going to different places around the world. I remember writing letters to my father when he was still in Micronesia, everything felt nostalgic--the emotions, longing and love sealed in the envelope. His stay in FSM had been one of the toughest times for the family and we survived because of God's unending mercy. Since he came back, I never really had the chance to write letters anymore. I just do vidcalls, SMS and connect to people through social media.  I went out to a coffee shop and studied and read. I thought ...

365 QOTD What are you passionate about? I am passionate about knowing people's passions. I am passionate about letting people know that they are great and should not be sorry about being who they are. I am passionate about learning. I am passionate about stories of success, redemption, forgiveness, sharing, love, family, gratefulness. ******** Every day is Countdown Day So this is how it feels when things seem to fall into place. all the necessary papers I need for my short homecoming is fixed. Tickets purchased. Bags not yet packed (?). Giveaways not yet complete. Today, my sister sent me a dinner table picture with everyone in it, Papa is even smiling! A rare treat, should I say. My little pet cat, Jude, is also on the side sneaking on the bag of catfood. Insert me and my two older brothers, our family is complete. This week had been calm and peaceful with not so much downtimes. I got back to Japanese conversation classes for realsssssss! I also had a chance to get to...

365 QOTD What do you wish your job was? Hmm... I don't want another job. I like what I do right now. I like teaching. Maybe if there is one thing that I wish to change, it will be the "where" I work right now. I wish to work in a bigger school where I can see my kids every day. It gives me the opportunity to track their progress and also for me to know if I am doing my job right. Having them once a week on a very limited basis isn't enough for me to be able to know if I am doing my job at all. At times, it actually feels lacking. There's always this feeling of I wish I can do more. I wish I had done better. But I am not losing hope. Someday, one day, I will be joining a big school and teaching kids or maybe future teachers on a daily basis. I just have to remind myself that what I do today affects my future. ******** Today was a good day spent with good people :) Thank you, Lord for taking care of me despite my insanity and naivety. I am a blessed soul. M...

For a few years now, my friend has been tapping me every time his team and org has an outreach. Every month or just whenever I can, I try to help in my own little way-- Kids and families from different places in Minadano. I am glad that I can help. I am thankful that I am on the helping end. Honestly, I wish I can do more.

365 QOTD How much money is in your wallet? Hmm.. Probably less than a thousand yen. I never put a lot of cash in my wallet. Today, I bought 3 boxes of eyedrops for my sister. And still thinking of getting something else for my aunt and my mom. I have no idea what to get my uncle and my dad. They are the two people hardest to please in this world. A few more days to go and I am going home for the holidays. Technically after Christmas but I will be spending New Year with the family. Some things cannot be changed, I suppose. Just really grateful for everything. For that few coins in my wallet, for a family, for good friends and maybe for the heartaches too.

This isn't my first heartbreak. But this is the first time it all happened so fast. Literally, like a firework display gone wrong. Eversince it all started, I kept reminding myself, "Guard your heart, Kat." Repeatedly. But the weak that is me, had the walls torn down completely as events quickly unfolded between the two of us. That vulnerability that I kept to myself had quickly showed off itself to him. Still, I tried to hold back, the more that I held it back, the harder I fell. Then, all along, as I count the good, small things and surprises, I didn't realize that he was counting the mistakes that I have been committing. Telling me about it, then, of course, me trying my best to work on it. We didn't have the same definition of patience as well, moreso of forgiveness and second chances. It all happened at a span of more or less 9 weeks. Through it all, I would like to remind myself that I am not perfect but yet, I have become true to myself. From open...

I always write best when I am hurting. But now, my hands are shaking, my eyes would suddenly start to water, and I would suddenly just stare. What have I done? We were just so happy that night and then a few moments later, there was a fight that is blurry as to how it all started and then I am back to that pitiful self of mine. That kind of person I have been trying to rescue myself from. I am hurting. I am scared that by the time he gives his answer, it is not something I would like to hear. For a long time, I prayed to God that whoever he is, that he hurry up finding me. I have been keeping myself out in the open for him to find me, and how that there is this guy who had chosen me, then maybe because of that fight, I might lose him. Have a little faith, Kat. Everything is going to be alright. Just keep going. Keep praying for.

First Semester of AY 2017-2018 ended officially this week. I am just so relieved that I was able to turn in all my papers and take the exams as needed. Though I am not confident enough about the quality of my writings, I still hope that my efforts will be considered. I still have a long way to go. So long way to go. And I vowed to myself that if this will be one last thing I will take in pursuit of career growth. After this, I promise to take time to focus on more interpersonal considerations such as romantic relationships and other personal investments and things I love to do. For now, it is good to get caught up with Stranger Things Season 2 and re-reading Hadfield's book: An Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth. His thoughts are very good reminders about being grateful of small things, people around and identifying what really matters most. Also, his determination and the idea that dreams are woven long-term and hard work is the key to everything. That every little thing you...

1. Just when I thought that I had the time at work budgetted in such a way that I can include my own MA stuff going, paper works just kept coming. Oh wow! 2.  I have a lot of deliverables today but I still take time to complete this list. Talk about priorities in general. Of course, my venting out is a priority. LOL. 3. I tried not to read the PH newspapers today, good job self. But I checked the exchange rate, the PH peso sort of gone up. It's hard to kill a habit. 4. I thought of buying flowers for myself this morning. But I ended up grabbing coffee instead. Oh well, I will get those flowers on Sunday morning. 5. Tita G gave me a stalk of an indoor plant for replanting, it took me a week before I accomplished the task. Thanks to conscience. 6. Macy is giving up, but I am not letting her yet. Maybe until mid 2018. Sometimes, there are things that are difficult to let go of even though they are really worn out already. 7. Going back to coffee, so I grabbed coffee and I...

365 QOTD What decisions are you glad you made? To finally let myself be vulnerable again. It wasn't really a hard decision, but it was more of a fearsome one. But after that accident, I was reminded to let go of expectations and let be grateful for every single day and every single person in my life.

365 QOTD What impact do you hope to have on the world? After last night's event, this is a very timely question. I just want to be remembered to be someone who inspired others to do whatever they dream of, as long as it is for a good cause. I want to be one of the many who just wants to make the world a better place for everyone. A place where respect for one's individuality and contributions are valued in a shared space. **** It was a supposed to be one of the first special Saturday nights. After work, we all said our parting pleasantries and onto my bike, I hopped in and waited for the green signal light. And so it did. I put a little more energy on the pedals as I wanted to come home sooner and not be late for the next train, coz I still needed to drop my workbag and grab my weekender bag. Halfway crossing the lane, a car suddenly appeared somewhere, not stopping or maybe it did a full-stop before the front part of the car touched the side of my body. I wasn't ...

365 QOTD What is your current account balance? Oh. That is difficult to answer. For one, I have several bank accounts. LOL. Second, I really don't have that much. Aside from a very small stocks portfolio and balanced-funding insurance policy, all I have are savings accounts that doesn't really much in it. Just enough for me to get through life and make sure that I save a little for the future. **** Today, though I still have flu and little bit of a bad throat, I felt way better than yesterday. I also tried to finish writing a case study for one of my subjects in MA class but I am not really satisfied with it, I am having this speculation that my teacher would be returning it to be for revamp and all the necessary changes. If I will have difficulty passing this subject, I would understand. But definitely, I would never give up on it. Little steps. Little steps. I had a great night with my Japanese friends. We did our English chat a little different than usual. Mr. Y...

"Pupusta ko, hindi ka na babalik ng Pilipinas." This is what my friend told me after we did an almost half-day walkathon at the mall and several shops in the city. But his goal is just to buy fish sauce and bagoong isda, as part of his kitchen condiments. He has been one of the few people I can talk about how much I seemingly can't comprehend what is going on in the Philippines. From drug war to anti-intellectualism and smart-shaming, I just can't imagine. He talked about brain drain. People are leaving. Intellects and skilled workers choose to leave the country and work in another one because they can't get enough money in the motherland. The initial plan is always just...... work for a few years, make investments, save more money and come back to the PH for good. Though it happened for some, most people who chose to work overseas, had chosen to come back to PH in their retirement age. The age wherein the society hasn't a lot of gain from them. I told him I w...

365 QOTD Did you do more talking or listening today? I hope I did more listening today. Today was a rare occasion that I initiated the video conference with my siblings. It is usually them who call me. Also, most of the time, I talk to my mom and my 2 younger sister. I rarely get the chance to talk to Doydoy in a separate occasion. Tonight, since Bebs was at work and Nali was probably still on the way home from school, Doydoy and I got to talk. I asked him how he is and how is his review days going. He said he needs a camera phone, a good one. He was using my older brother’s iPhone but when he connected it to his laptop, it reset, losing all his photos of the solutions he captured for the past few months of reviewing. He said he was able to revive half of it, but the rest were nowhere to be retrieved. Then, he asked if he can get a loan from me, I asked why. He said he needs a good phone, I said, I can give him money to buy phone and he doesn't need to pay me back. After...